cronocrash Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 on cleaner side....... a pirate walks into a bar. the pirate has a helm (the steering wheel of a ship) seemingly attatched to the crotch of his trousers. the bartender sees the helm, and says "what is that? why do you have a helm attatched to your crotch?" the pirated replies.... "ARRRRR, IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundx98 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 15 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 14. Your friends love you anyway. 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. FINAL THOUGHT: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blooz1 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Good laughs, but also a lot of truth in that one, soundx! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
omarwashington Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 good stuff SoundX alot of good advice...well depends on how you use it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LithoTech Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 That stuff is sooo true! I ain't 50 yet, but have always made a point of learning from others' mistakes, so only some of it I can verify with personal experience! Here's a newer twist on an older list that has been circulating for years, couple of new items in there I didn't recognise either: Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that Mr. Fenton go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below. Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares ... and watched what happened. 5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants. 11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" And last, but not least .... 15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Septem Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
calvintang Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 i dont get it .:confused: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Septem Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 i dont get it .:confused: It's just a funny pic I found and shopped and I thought it'd be relevent to the forum. Notice the guy has three fingers up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
calvintang Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 still dont get it , oh well. why does he grab his nuts? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlowerKing Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Lol. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilamon Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Sign seen at a propane filing station: "Tank heaven for little grills." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Septem Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Here's a joke: Newegg's RMA policy. EDIT: I must say however that they did an amazing job ensuring satisfaction. They actually looked into it further based on a review I'd made and they ended up refunding my restocking fee. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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