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fariss

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About fariss

  • Rank
    Geek
  • Birthday 05/01/1950

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Adirondacks
  1. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mom!
  2. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and Thinking things through, you will love this! Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a Wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he Meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little Surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why? The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back In two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and Asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
  3. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand." Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and ate them. Two lessons here: 1.. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are. 2.. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
  4. fariss

    Build my PC

    http://www.newegg.com/Product/ComboBundleDetails.aspx?ItemList=Combo.575721
  5. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A tough-looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked “Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?" So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
  6. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    World's Shortest Books: THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE by Barack Obama ____________________________________________ MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS by Tiger Woods ____________________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan Illustrated by Michael Moore ____________________________________________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton ____________________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton ____________________________________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton ____________________________________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates ____________________________________________ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman ____________________________________________ THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry ____________________________________________ A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian ____________________________________________ TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell ____________________________________________ GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson ____________________________________________ THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY ____________________________________________ MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson ____________________________________________ HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY by Linsday Lohan ____________________________________________ BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson ____________________________________________ AND, JUST ADDED: My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy by Nancy Pelosi
  7. fariss

    Cool Video

    http://www.videobash.com/video_show/people-are-awesome-5962
  8. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    You're An EXTREME Redneck When..... 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'. 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'. 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
  9. fariss

    X-Mas Gift help

    Both are approx. the same price. 8 yrs.old. all games. all uses.
  10. fariss

    X-Mas Gift help

    PSP or DSi?
  11. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not a lot of people know this
  12. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/ gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement... Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self... I'm going to have a steak and another beer.
  13. My case: http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16811235005 My next case: http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16811235013
  14. fariss

    Getting a New Phone

    I use an Eris & my daughter uses an Ally. I don't like sliding keyboards hence the Eris. The Eris is the best cell I've ever had. The Ally is nice if you want the keyboard. I don't text as often as most people.
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