red930 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe shop in Baghdad, chatting; over a pint of warm goat's milk. The older of the others pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" his mum confides "a suicide bomber." "Oh, so sad dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Khalid. He's 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He's a martyr too" says mum quietly. "a car bomber." "Oh gracious me", says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed." He's 18", she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He's a martyr also," says Mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says... "They blow up so fast, don't they ???" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frallan Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 ouch..... That felt like punch in the stomach.... a real punchline so to say... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundx98 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Not a "joke" but I think it'll make you smile. a tad "schmaltzy" The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frallan Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Ohh yes... That should go into the official DFI-Wisdom thread together with relationship advice and how not to psend your hard earned money... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpuz Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Making a Confession A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpuz Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She said, ''Daddy, what is .?'' The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees.'' When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. Her father said, ''Why did you ask that question, honey?'' She replied, ''Mom told me to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a few ..'' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooler Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 cpuz, it's funny how little things can make a difference. I had to imagine hearing someone actually saying that last line, before I got the joke! :nod: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpuz Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I have to admit that some of my posts in the "one lonely night, The Wife and AG were all alone on the board... " are funny and here they are again, tell me what you think: __________________________________________________________ away they took Rgone, after wrapping him in what appeared to be some kind of medieval "straight jacket" to nearby Geektown Hospital for examination, BUT... ... AND...Not withstanding RGones broken butter knife and minor catastrophe, AG continued feverishly on the task at hand. Wiping the sweat from his brow, toiling, laboring, cursing the dreaded knights with such words that would make the town's prostitute..."Rowena DeSemen" shudder, until the carving of the tree was finished. AG then stood back and admired the beautiful creation with a strange and frightening grin. A grin, mind you, that would lead one to believe he could be suffering dire constipation...., and devilishly thought about taking credit for the entire masterpiece, despite the fact that Rgone did most of the work up until his dreaded butter knife snapped in two... AND THEN....ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!!!!................. ____________________________________________________________ "Boooooooooyahhhhh, Boooooooooyahhhhh (repeating as if in some kind of a trance...she continuted) ....., what am I going to do with the two of you!! You speak this ridiculous Rgonian, which only the two of you computer nerds can understand! WHERE DID I GO WRONG!!!!???? MY MOMMA TOLD ME THERE'D BE DAYS LIKE THIS!!! Why didn't I listen to her and move back with her to New Jersey?!?" then momma turned her back on the two of them, and whilst walking away, encountered... _______________________________________________________________ ...then, all of a sudden!! the phazer started to emit this horrible odor and blew up!!! This left one woman, who was innocently standing by, all "black- faced" and and singed her dress to expose her left boob! In her embarrassment, she did a quick Janet Jackson type dance, to save face, and then exited stage left! "Argh!! What are we to do now!" cried AG! It was at that moment that.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie22911 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 i have one: knock knock... whos there? boo. boo hoo? dont cry its just a joke! ^:shake:^ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel.O.Y.S Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 gets Charlie22911's coat... *opens the door and points* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie22911 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 gets Charlie22911's coat... *opens the door and points* you didnt think it was funny :confused: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frallan Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 gets Charlie22911's coat... *opens the door and points* ROFL!! :dog: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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