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good JOKE for ya...

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Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland.

 

 

 

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

!

 

 

 

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

 

 

 

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

 

 

 

 

 

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer.

"needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

 

 

 

 

 

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

 

 

 

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

 

 

 

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn,! and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

 

 

 

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

 

 

 

 

 

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried.

"We made such passionate love last night!"

 

 

 

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

 

 

 

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had . with my daughter!"

 

 

 

 

 

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"

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Guest Blooz1

Subject: Washington Alligators

 

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC.

 

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cain't unnerstand

how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the

same size as kids. I just don't get it."

 

"Well," said the big 'gator, what you been eatin' boy?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

 

"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"

"Down at t'other side of the swamp near the parkin' lot, by the

capitol."

 

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock

the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg , shake the . out

of 'em, and eat 'em!"

 

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem." !

 

You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done

shakin' the . out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but an

butthole and a briefcase."

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YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A SENIOR TO DO THIS - IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ANYONE!!!

This weekend ... you might try this --- you'd be amazed with your own strength!!!

 

Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my younger friends.

The article suggested doing it three days a week.

 

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room ateach side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

 

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.

Next a 25-lb. sack and then two weeks later try a 50-lb. potato sack.

Eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

 

 

 

 

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

:D

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Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to

 

death.

 

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when

 

all of a sudden...

 

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

 

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

 

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and

 

there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

 

There's raw bacon dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back

 

bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you

 

can imagine!!

 

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

 

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don'forget".

 

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees

 

no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

 

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5

 

metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun

 

opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

 

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he

 

manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

 

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

 

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

 

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....

 

 

 

Ees.....

 

 

 

 

 

Ees.....

 

 

 

 

 

Ees.....

 

 

 

 

 

Ees, a Ham Bush"

 

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A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

 

"You son of a b***h" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

 

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

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I'm sorry to post another one.....but i found this one absolutely halarious.

 

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

 

"Hi there, how is it going?"

 

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

 

"Not bad..."

 

Then the voice says:

 

"So, what are you doing?"

 

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

 

"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

 

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

 

"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

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I'm sorry to post another one.....but i found this one absolutely halarious.

 

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

 

"Hi there, how is it going?"

 

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

 

"Not bad..."

 

Then the voice says:

 

"So, what are you doing?"

 

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

 

"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

 

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

 

"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

 

Man, that one was already posted here! :rolleyes:

Wait never mind that must have been one that I got in my email :tooth: .

Edit: Actually I saw that on ebaumsworld lol :D

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Here's one for the Blonde's !!!!

 

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He

immediately turns to her and makes his move.

 

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you

strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

 

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to

the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the

guy."How about nuclear power?"

 

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me

ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same

stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a

flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you

suppose that is?"

 

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest

idea."

 

"So tell me," asks the blonde, "how is it that you feel qualified to

discuss nuclear power when you don't know .

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