good JOKE for ya...

[cal50]

"Husband Super Store"

 

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to

choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five

floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you

ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to

choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't

go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some

husbands...

 

First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

 

Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies,

But, I wonder what's further up?"

 

Third floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

 

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."

"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us

further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

 

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f****** g impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

[Guest Blooz1]

Oh, this one's PRICELESS!!! HAR!

[soundx98]

[Praying heavenward]

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me,

Superman!

 

 

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and

studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be

extracted for our personal use.

 

 

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?

Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man...

[laughs hysterically] So to answer your question, I don't know.

 

 

Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of

chocolate to milk.

 

 

Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your

mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his

neon claws!

 

 

Homer: God bless those pagans.

 

 

Homer Simpson: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what

separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

 

 

Dealer: 19.

Homer: Hit me!

Dealer: 20.

Homer: Hit me!

Dealer: 21.

Homer: Hit me!

Dealer: 22.

Homer: D'oh!

 

 

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city,

keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I

think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

 

 

Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!

Homer: Oooh, that's bad.

Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!

Homer: That's good!

Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.

Homer: That's bad.

Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!

Homer: That's good!

Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.

[Homer looks puzzled.] That's bad.!?

Homer: Can I go now?

 

Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You

have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into

a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube

 

 

Marge: I think we're going to need a bigger place.

Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's

room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.

Marge: Won't that warp him?

Homer: My cousin Frank did it.

Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.

Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name

is Mother Shabubu now

 

 

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?

Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

 

 

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the

end.

 

 

Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left.

How very odd.

 

 

Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're

making a scene."

 

 

Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening

 

 

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but

somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day

 

 

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about

bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

 

 

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.

Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.

Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.

Homer: Okay, I will!

 

 

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I

thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it

was dark and disturbing. Like that movie Police Academy.

 

 

[Homer is a Blackjack dealer]

Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Twenty. Your move, Mr. Bond.

James Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. [Homer deals Bond a card.] Joker?

You're supposed to take these out of the deck.

Homer: Oh, sorry, I'll give you another one.

[Homer deals Bond another card.]

James Bond: What's this? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?

Ernst Stavro Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond...

[Oddjob and Jaws advance on Bond and grab him.]

James Bond: But... but wait! It was Homer's fault. I can't lose! I never

lose!

[Oddjob and Jaws drag Bond out of the casino.] At least tell me your plans

for world domination!

Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Oh ho ho, I'm not falling for THAT one again.

 

 

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all

this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?

Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

 

Astra: Your husband's work is what we call "outsider art." It could be by a

mental patient, a hillbilly or a chimpanzee.

Homer: In high school I was voted most likely to *be* a mental patient,

hill billy or chimpanzee!

 

 

[Homer tries to gain passage on an escape rocket.]

Homer: I am the piano genius from the movie "Shine."

Guard: And your name is...?

Homer: Uhh... Shiney McShine.

 

 

Newspaper editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't

immediately pooh pooh everything he eats.

Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.

 

 

Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers now

 

 

Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.

[doorbell rings]

Ned Flanders: Heidely ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two

tick

Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up

there.

[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's hands]

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.

 

 

Homer: Well Marge, have you ever seen a field glow like that?

Marge: It's eerily beautiful, but are you sure this is safe?

Homer: Of course not. But you know something?

Sometimes you have to break the rules to free your heart.

Marge: You got that from a movie poster.

Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in hope.

 

 

Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only this time

David won!

 

 

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If

you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game

Sunday morning.

Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.

Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning

 

 

Lisa Simpson: Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever

considered artificial insemination?

Homer: Boy, I don't know. You'd have to be pretty desperate to make it with

a robot!

[Marge whispers something in his ear] I knew that.

 

 

Homer: Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

 

 

Pepi: Tell me more! I want to know ALL the constellations!

Homer: Well, that one's Jerry, the cowboy. And that big dipper looking thing

is Alan, the cowboy.

 

 

Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive.

Homer: I know. And this perpetual motion machine she made today is a joke!

It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa! Get in here. [Lisa walks in] In

this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

 

 

Homer: Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson,

Lisa: never help anyone.

 

 

Homer: You mean you gave away both your dogs? You know how I feel about

giving!

 

 

Homer: There, there, Bart. If something's hard, then it's not worth doing

 

 

[Homer can't stop the monorail]

Marge: I've brought somebody to help you.

Homer: Is it Batman?

Marge: It's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist?

Marge: It's NOT Batman.

 

 

Homer: I can't live the button down life like you. I want it all! The

terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might

offend a few of the blue noses with my cocky stride and musty odors oh,

I'll never be the darling of the so called "City Fathers" who cluck their

tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this

Homer Simpson?"

 

 

Homer: Ah, Andy Capp, you wife beating drunk.

 

 

Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get

into heaven.

Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the

house...

Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running

for Jesus

 

 

Homer: Bad bees! Get away from my sugar! Ow! Ow!! Oh, they're defending

themselves somehow!

 

 

Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute

 

 

Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like I'm the one out there

every day putting his butt on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out

of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You

want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and

put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll

know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!

 

 

[Homer is teaching a university course on marriage]

Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of

this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild

with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.

Krabappel: We need names!

Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway,

Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name

isn't Homer J. Simpson!"

 

 

[Ned and Homer are driving in a snowstorm.]

Ned Flanders: Homer, we just hit something!

Homer: Ooooooh, I hope it was Flanders

 

 

Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or

the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at

you?

 

 

Homer: (Offering Lisa a donut.) Donut?

Lisa: Uhh... got any fruit?

Homer: This one has purple in it. Purple's a fruit.

 

 

Doctor: (Eating a hot dog) Delicious!

Homer: I've got the presciption for you, Doctor... another hot beef

injection! (Hands him a hot dog)

 

 

Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old!

Remember that time I took a home wine making course and forgot how to drive?

Marge: That's because you were drunk!

Homer: And how!

 

 

Mr. Burns (Golfing with Homer): Use an open faced club! A sand wedge!

Homer: Mmmmm... open faced club sandwich.

 

 

Homer: For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're

making a scene."

 

 

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to

pass me the syrup?

Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.

Lisa: Bart, tell dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any

meat products.

Bart: You dunkin your sausages in that syrup, Home boy?

Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do

every morning.

Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.

Homer: Bart thank your mother for pointing that out.

Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you

said.

Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.

Bart: Ah, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to,

Homer: Bart, go to your room!

 

 

Homer (Upon finding out he's been admitted to college): (Singing) I am so

smart! I am so smart! S M R T! S M R T! I mean, S M A R T!

 

 

Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain

cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds

and TV... is.

 

 

Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!

 

 

Homer: Woo hoo! Cheap meat!

 

 

Homer: Mmmm... beer.

 

 

Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15

bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

 

 

Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?

Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love,

and I won't be back for ten minutes!

 

 

Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?

Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.

Homer: Ummm... revenge?

Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step step...

slam)

 

 

Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get

through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.Homer's

Brain: It's a deal!

 

 

Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and

you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)

 

Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.

Homer: Ooo, that's bad.

Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frogurt!

Homer: That's good!

Old man: The frogurt is also cursed.

Homer: That's bad.

Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!

Homer: That's good!

Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...

Homer:

Old man: That's bad.

Homer: Can I go now?

 

 

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're

prejudiced against all races.

 

 

Homer: If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.

 

 

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporthing events, it's not whether you

win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

 

 

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is,

never try.

 

 

Homer: Mmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch)... 63

(munch munch munch) (cut to much later)

Homer: 2... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)

Marge: Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?

Homer: I think I'm blind.

 

 

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but

somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

 

 

Reporter: Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?

Homer: I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the

terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS

OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

(Starts sobbing uncontrollably)

 

 

Homer: Ahhh... sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

 

 

Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.

Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!

Homer: Explain how.

Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!

Homer: Woo hoo!

 

 

Homer (Looking at a "nudie deck"):"The girls of the internet." Ooh, I'd go

online with them anyday!

 

 

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!

Homer: Did you wreck the car?

Bart: No.

Homer: Did you raise the dead?

Lisa: Yes.

Homer: But the car's okay?

Bart & Lisa: Uh huh.

Homer: All right then.

 

 

Homer: Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...

 

 

Homer (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I

present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please

give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done (munch munch munch).

 

 

Homer: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing

defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

 

 

Homer: (On George Bush) I didn't vote for him!

Marge: You didn't vote for anybody.

Homer: I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. Then I became

deeply cynical.

 

 

Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here,

anyway.

 

 

Homer: To find Flanders, I have to think like Flanders.

Homer's brain: I'm a big four eyed lame o! And I wear the same stupid

sweater every day and...

Homer: The Springfield river!

[two left feet]

Hey Sound x98,

 

I can also claim to recongise all those Simpsons quotes, but I really really really hope that you paste and copied them from somewhere else......

 

PS , I have a collection of Simpsons DVDs to prove my equally perverted sense of homour

[soundx98]

hehehe, I have many Simpson episodes in my head but I found this on one of my HDDs in a word document. So I copied and pasted them from somewhere I am sure, just don't remember where.

 

As SAE used to quote, "These are the suckiest sucks that ever sucked"

 

Very hard not to love all the characters. My sons and I always refer to Dunkin' Donuts as the "Donutorium" and giggle over the "Pastry Sciences"

 

[cpuz]

Radical Procedure

 

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

 

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

 

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

 

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

 

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

 

"It's my job."

 

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."

 

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck" Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

 

"It's my job."

 

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure..."

 

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

 

"It's my job."

 

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure..."

 

The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8." Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

 

"It's my job."

 

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure..." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

 

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

 

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

[cpuz]

Puzzle Pieces

 

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"

The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"

 

One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"

[Guest Blooz1]

An OBG;

 

Two Irishmen, Patrick &Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a

dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the

boat's

provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

 

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp

vigorously. To

the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie,

however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard

three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make

the

entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

 

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the

entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness

on

the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their

circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.

 

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now

we're going to have to piss in the boat!

[Guest Blooz1]

Here are a few things that make you go hmmmm;

Can you cry under water?

 

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

 

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

 

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

 

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

 

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

 

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

 

What disease did cured ham actually have?

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

 

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

 

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

 

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

 

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

 

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

 

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

 

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

 

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

 

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

 

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (mine has a light!)

 

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

 

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

 

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

 

What do you call male ballerinas?

 

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

 

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

 

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

 

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

[cpuz]

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

 

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

 

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

[cpuz]

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place, Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" said the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," he replied, "but it happened to my sister!"

[soundx98]

ROFLMAO+PIP :nod: