good JOKE for ya...

[ReelFiles]

ROFL that's awesome, hehe

 

msmolt, how are you stuck there?

[MoJo Risin&#39]

6 Kinds of .

 

1. The first is Smurf ..

This happens during the honeymoon period. You keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

 

2. The second is Kitchen ..

This is at the beginning of the marriage. You'll have . anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen on the table, etc.

 

3. The third kind is Bedroom ..

You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

 

4. The fourth kind is Hallway ..

This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!" This is also called oral . by some.

 

5. There is also a fifth kind of .: Courtroom ..

This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

 

6. There is also Social Security ..

That's when you get some once a month, but it's not enough to live on.

[ReelFiles]

Hehe.......Smurf .............guess I had a lot of that

 

This is not really a joke, but it's funny anyway

 

http://www.msxnet.org/humour/terror_alert

[red930]

Why we split up!

 

 

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

 

 

 

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.

 

 

 

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

 

 

 

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

 

 

 

I told her that was what the beer was for.

 

 

 

I don't think she's coming back.

[Evil_inc]

lmao

[ReelFiles]

That's one of the best ones in here. LMFAO

[MoJo Risin&#39]

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

 

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentlemen who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man in an even tone.

"Did you know I could cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep." was the calm reply.

"And you’re still not afraid of me?" asked Satan.

"Nope." said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

[red930]

George was planning on going out with "the boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.

 

George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."

 

George: "But Honey, I promise that I won't drink a drop of alcohol all night!"

 

So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK to go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get .-faced. After about three hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.

 

George: ".! The old lady is going to throw my butt out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"

 

Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk-butt George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.

 

Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

 

So, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.

 

George's wife: "I knew that your drunk butt would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"

 

George: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."

 

His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.

 

George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

 

George: "Oh, that's from the guy who crapped in my pants."

[ICON57]

lmfao....funny as hell ace...i didnt see that last line coming.

[ReelFiles]

yeah me neither, actually I was thinking of a presidential punchline when I read the names George and Bill. Still funny, though.

[smolt]

NBA OR NFL?

 

36

have been accused of spousal abuse

 

 

7

have been arrested for fraud

 

 

19

have been accused of writing bad checks

 

 

117

have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

 

 

3

have done time for assault

 

 

71,

repeat

71 cannot

get a credit card due to bad credit

 

 

14

have been arrested on drug-related charges

 

 

8

have been arrested for shoplifting

 

 

21

currently

are defendants in lawsuits, and

 

 

84

have been arrested for drunk driving

in

the last year

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can

you guess which organization this is?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Give

up yet? . . . Scroll down,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Neither,

it's the 535 members of the United

States Congress.

[ReelFiles]

Oh, snap ..............LMFAO, awesome