good JOKE for ya...

[fariss]

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the

winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

[fariss]

Will I live to be 80?

I recently chose a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

 

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

 

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

 

"No," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."

 

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

 

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

 

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

 

"No, I don't," I said.

 

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of .?"

 

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those thing s."

 

Then he looked at me and asked,

"Then why do you give a .?"

[fariss]

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

 

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

 

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing, and heard the siren blaring.

 

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he

thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

 

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard

before, I'll let you go."

 

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

 

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.

[CPDMF]

1. Go to google.com.

 

2. Click on Maps.

 

3. Click on Get Directions.

 

4. From: New York, New York.

 

5. To: Paris, France.

 

6. Then, read line #23.

[General Septem]

1. Go to google.com.

 

2. Click on Maps.

 

3. Click on Get Directions.

 

4. From: New York, New York.

 

5. To: Paris, France.

 

6. Then, read line #23.

 

Swim across the Atlantic Ocean. 3,462 mi

 

:shake:

[ReelFiles]

My wife just showed me that yesterday, must've been on myspace or something.

 

Damn fariss, 6 jokes in a row? Must've had some boring day, eh?

[ollietwinam]

1. Go to google.com.

 

2. Click on Maps.

 

3. Click on Get Directions.

 

4. From: New York, New York.

 

5. To: Paris, France.

 

6. Then, read line #23.

 

Hahahahaha.

 

So they can have a laugh at the Google offices

[fariss]

My wife just showed me that yesterday, must've been on myspace or something.

 

Damn fariss, 6 jokes in a row? Must've had some boring day, eh?

 

LOL Not really. My doctor (I built his computer) sends me jokes all the time. I forward some of them.

[wardog]

Two Scottish nuns have traveled to the US for the first time. Walking through the airport, they see a hot-dog stand.

 

“So it’s true that the people in this country eat dogs,” says one.

 

“How strange!” exclaims her companion. “Well, if we’re going to be in America, we ought to act as the Americans do.”

Going up to the cart, they ask for two dogs. The vendor fixes two hot-dogs, wraps them up in foil, and hands them over.

 

Curious to see this new culinary treat, the nuns rush to a nearby table. The first nun unwraps her meal first, stares at it,

blushes, and then leans over towards the other nun.

 

“Um. . .what part of the dog did you get?” she whispers.

[UncleDavid218]

1. Go to google.com.

 

2. Click on Maps.

 

3. Click on Get Directions.

 

4. From: New York, New York.

 

5. To: Paris, France.

 

6. Then, read line #23.

ROFLMFAO

[red930]

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

 

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

 

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

 

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

 

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

 

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

 

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

 

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

 

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

 

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

 

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

 

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

 

"OK", I nervously replied.

 

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

 

And I just sat there...

 

On the couch...

 

Naked...

[powsmowl]

On the couch...

 

Naked...

 

 

owned