fariss Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. ' Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had . with Nookie Green twice last month.' The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven.. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.' Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father , it has been two months since my last confession. I've had . with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.' This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?' 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied. 'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's. At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?' The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kamikaze_Badger Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Rules suck don't they? 2. Keep jokes PG-13 level. This means no swearing, racist remarks, or sexually based jokes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Rules suck don't they? 3. This thread is not for discussions. Please try to post jokes only. Yeah. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kamikaze_Badger Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 That makes two rules you're breaking, one for me. Who's at loss? But I'll even it up so we're both equally guilty. http://nirvanapeace.wordpress.com/2009/02/...on-motorcycles/ HARLEY DAVIDSON FACES STIFF COMPETITION FROM JOHNSON MARINE WHO INTRODUCES A NEW LINE OF MOTORCYCLES At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson. Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrewr05 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 lmao thats a pretty good one KB... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies "These are not pigs...these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.' The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?' The blond headed off to the swamp determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back. Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration..... 'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
labatt_splatts Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 Did you hear about the gay midget?? He came out of the cupboard. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy. and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping a t every sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sign of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never believe what happened to me......... This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
labatt_splatts Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 It's too obvious when you read it, much better when you say it. Whats long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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