good JOKE for ya...

[centy]

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike

English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two

groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the

feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is

incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for

possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending

half your salary on accessories for it.

...

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time

they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a

little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

[centy]

A woman walks into an ice cream parlour and asks for a chocolate ice

cream cone. The assistant behind the counter apologizes and states

that they are out of chocolate and would madam like to choose a

different flavour. The woman says "Oh! in that case, I'll have

chocolate. The assistant again apologizes and thinking that the woman

didn't hear him, states again that they are out of chocolate.

"Is there another flavour that I can get for you?", he asks.

The woman says, "Well I guess I'll have chocolate."

The assistant who is getting agitated says, "Look. WE ARE OUT OF CHOCOLATE!"

The woman asks for chocolate again! The assistant, who is extremely

fed-up, tells the woman: "Spell VAN as in vanilla."

The woman spells out "V-A-N."

"Now," says the assistant, "spell STRAW as in strawberry."

The woman spells out "S-T-R-A-W".

"Ok." says the assistant, "Now spell crap as in Chocolate."

The woman looks dumbfounded for a moment and proclaims, "Hey! There's

no 'crap' in 'chocolate'!"

And the assistant replies, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

[red930]

Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

 

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.

 

Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.

 

Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you.

 

Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice.

 

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.

 

Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.

 

Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent.

 

Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you.

 

Good: Hot outdoor .. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband.

 

Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camo and has an AK-47.

 

Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no."

 

Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay.

 

Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman.

 

Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in.

 

Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

 

Good: You get tickets to the theatre. Bad: It's performance art.

 

Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner. Worse: She turns you on.

 

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising. Bad: So he'll fit into your clothes.

 

Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas." Bad: For real.

 

Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right". Bad: Your son, that is.

 

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill. Bad: She's eleven.

 

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

 

Good: Your son's doing extra credit work. Bad: Making a . ed video.

 

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: He was a counterfeiter.

 

Good: Your wife bought a porn video. Bad: Your daughter's the star. Worse: She's a lot better in bed than your wife.

 

Good: Your wife likes outdoor .. Bad: You live downtown.

 

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's on her way in. Worse: there's a big group of guys behind her.

 

Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them.

[ReelFiles]

Good: You're AceGoober. Bad: That's your avatar. Worse: You really look like that.

[Guest drteming]

Good: You're AceGoober. Bad: That's your avatar. Worse: You really look like that.

 

 

I just peed my pants...

[Evil Ruin]

3 guys walk into a bar.. the 4th one ducks.

[red930]

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

 

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

 

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had

gone to town with the only tractor.

 

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

 

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

 

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

 

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

 

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse

thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

 

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

 

The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral)!

 

 

 

 

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks "

[ReelFiles]

Oh sh!t, didn't see that coming ... LMFAO.

[Guest SuppA-SnipA]

wow i cried

[Kandoo]

http://embed.break.com/MTQzMzM1" />http://embed.break.com/MTQzMzM1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350" />

[Kandoo]

Farts !!!

http://view.break.com/143335

[ReelFiles]

LMFAO, that was awesome.