good JOKE for ya...

[red930]

Favorite quote. "Which one of these buttons calls your parents to come pick you up?"

[cal50]

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and

buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the

door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

 

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,

and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts

it to her head.

 

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."

 

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

[red930]

These are actual "Personal Ads" in the Dublin (Ireland) Newsletter

 

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous . addict interested in

a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club

and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

 

Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time

finance, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still

exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced ..

 

Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and crappy

after a few pints, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes,

maybe more.

 

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in

the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blond lady,

with a lovely chest.

 

Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and

dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering

cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

 

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for

the night of February 26 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

 

Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blond 20 year old double-jointed

supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin

sister

[soundx98]

Seem like Honest Chaps, if a bit lonely.

Reminds me of my brothers and I.

 

Wonder if they are related to us.

[Frallan]

LoL I guess they'll keep on beeing lonley... Except mayby for the devil worshipper. If there's something Ive learned over time it's that honesty doesn't work... (Yeah Im honest and single)

[cpuz]

LoL I guess they'll keep on beeing lonley... Except mayby for the devil worshipper. If there's something Ive learned over time it's that honesty doesn't work... (Yeah Im honest and single)

 

Ha! That's a good one Frallan! :dog:

[red930]

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. In a flash he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

 

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

 

"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

 

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

 

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

 

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

[cal50]

Good one Roadie!

And another blonde joke-

 

Blonde In The Air

 

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here." The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

 

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here."

 

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

 

The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde." He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

 

"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

[vega27]

the grass is almost a foot high!"

:shake: :shake: :shake:

[two left feet]

"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal"

 

Now that is a good one.. :nod:

[cpuz]

The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde."

 

Love that line! lol

[cal50]

A teacher was helping her students with a math problem.

She recited the following story: "There are three birds

sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one of the birds. How

many birds are left on the wire?" A boy pauses. "None,"

he replied thoughtfully.

 

"No, no, no, let's try again," the teacher says patiently.

She holds up three fingers.

 

"There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots

one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left

on the wire?"

 

"None!" the boy says with authority.

 

The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that."

 

"It's simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one

bird, he scared the other two away." "Well," she says,

"it's not technically correct, but I like the way you

think."

 

"Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question.

There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles.

One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the

popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle. Which one is

married?" he asked.

 

 

The teacher looked at the boy's angelic face and she

writhed in agony, turning three shades of red. "C'mon,"

the boy said impatiently, "One is licking the popsicle,

one is biting and one is sucking. Which one is married?"

 

"Well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper

replied, "the one who's sucking?"

 

"No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding

ring on. But I like the way you think!"