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cpuz

good JOKE for ya...

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I still have my Queen albums,no more turntable but I have the albums!

(For the record I still like Queen)

 

How about this-

 

What did Dale Earnhard and Pink Floyd have in common ?

 

There last big hit was the wall.

 

(focus AWAY from Queen!)

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From the you gotta be kiddin' me file...

 

I just saw a turntable in the current issue of Popular Science for $55,000.

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From the you gotta be kiddin' me file...

 

I just saw a turntable in the current issue of Popular Science for $55,000.

 

And I thought my direct drive with a primo cartridge was high end.....25 years ago!

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No Knickers-

 

The Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee. As

she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows

her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

 

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any

knickers?" her husband demanded.

 

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money

to afford any," she replied.

 

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket

and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go

and buy yourself some underwear."

 

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball

on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she

is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!

You've no knickers. Why not?"

 

She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give

me."

 

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of

decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some

underwear!"

 

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also

takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too,

is naked under it.

 

"Sweet mudder of Jasus, Maggie! Where the fook are

yer drawers?"

 

She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta

be able ta affarrd any."

 

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well,

fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's

a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

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Even with a tiny issue with currencies, that was a good one... and it just made my day! :D

Thanks for good laughs, cal50!

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Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List

 

December 1

Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.

 

December 2

Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

 

December 3

Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.

 

December 4

Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

 

December 5

Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

 

December 6

Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

 

December 7

Debug Windows '2000

 

December 10

Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

 

December 11

Lay Faberge egg.

 

December 12

Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

 

December 13

Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

 

December 14

Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

 

December 15

Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

 

December 17

Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

 

December 19

Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

 

December 20

Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

 

December 21

Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

 

December 22

Float votive candles in toilet tank.

 

December 23

Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.

 

December 24

Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

 

December 25

Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

 

December 26

Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

 

December 27

Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

 

December 31

New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

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cobia69 sent me that and I was dying laughing. Do you think maybe Leroy was away from keyboard to burn one?

 

The last word from Leroy "at least I got chicken" is priceless.

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