good JOKE for ya...

[cpuz]

good one cal.

 

let's hear from the Polish corner:

 

 

POLISH . QUIZ

(true or false)

 

1. A clitoris is a type of flower.

2. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.

3. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese.

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble.

5. Pornography is the business of making record albums.

6. A G-string is part of a violin.

7. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly".

8. Coitus is a musical instrument.

9. Semen is another word for "sailor".

10. An enema is someone who is not your friend.

11. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit.

12. Douche is the Italian word for "twelve"

13. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke".

15. An organism is the person who accompanies the choir.

16. A condom is an apartment complex.

17. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.

18. Testicles are found on an octopus.

19. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.

20. Menstrual cycle has three wheels.

21. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas.

22. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird.

23. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.

24. Asphalt describes rectal troubles.

25. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass.

25. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins.

[Frallan]

LoL... This is soon down to my (pretty low) standards of humor... :dog:

[cal50]

14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke".

 

Do you know how Festus got his limp ?

He asked Miss Kitty for something that did not come in a shot glass.

 

 

I like #10

Who goes there ? Friend or enema!

[red930]

CALIFORNIANS

 

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes from Jesus Land.

 

You know you're from California if...

 

1. You know your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

 

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

 

3. You take a bus and are shocked that two people are carrying on a conversation in English.

 

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

 

5. You can't remember... is pot illegal?

 

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

 

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

 

8. You can't remember... is pot illegal?

 

9. Happening upon a really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

 

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

 

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

 

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

 

13. You can't remember... is pot illegal?

 

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

 

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

 

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

 

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

 

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

 

19. The Terminator is your governor.

 

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're in the country illegally, they want to give you one.

[cpuz]

TOWEL HEADS..

 

Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically

incorrect term, so please note, we all need to be more sensitive in our

choice of words.

I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists who hate our guts and

want to kill us do not like to be called "Towel Heads" since the item they

wear on their heads is not a towel but actually a small, folded sheet.

Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little

Sheet Heads."

Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.

[cpuz]

Wise sayings

 

 

 

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

 

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

 

 

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at

all.

 

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

 

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

 

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark

to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

 

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many

people a company can operate without.

 

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else

looks?

 

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

 

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

 

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

 

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.

It could be a right number.

 

Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team

is winning.

 

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

 

Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like

it.

 

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size

bucket.

 

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old

ladies running around with tattoos?

 

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in

a Corvette than in a Yugo.

 

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are

probably dead.

[soundx98]

very wise bro!

[cpuz]

very wise bro!

we haven't seen a joke from you in a long time. What are you waiting for? the water is warm!

[soundx98]

Trajectory Analysis Simulation

 

hehehe, This ought to keep you busy today

 

Go down and hit play

 

 

 

 

 

 

this should keep you entertained for awhile!

 

 

 

http://www.widro.com/throwpaper.html

[red930]

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on

 

They sit down and engage

in an animated conversation.

 

The lady sitting next to them

ignores them at first,

but her attention is galvanized when she hears

one of them say the following:

 

"Emma come first.

 

Den I come.

 

Den two asses come together.

 

I come once-a-more.

 

Two asses,

 

they come together again.

 

I come again and pee twice.

 

Then I come one lasta time."

 

"You foul-mouthed . obsessed swine,"

retorted the lady indignantly.

 

"In this country . .

we don't speak aloud in public places

about our . lives . . . "

 

"Hey, coola down lady,"

said the man.

 

"Who talkin' abouta .?

 

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda

how to spell 'Mississippi'."

[cpuz]

Trajectory Analysis Simulation

 

hehehe, This ought to keep you busy today

 

Go down and hit play

 

 

 

 

 

 

this should keep you entertained for awhile!

 

 

 

http://www.widro.com/throwpaper.html

 

 

it kept me busy for a few trying to get more than one basket!

[cpuz]

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

 

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

 

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"

 

So she swam back.

 

________________________________________

 

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.