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cpuz

good JOKE for ya...

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Those MAC people are so cutting edge...

 

macbook-shutdown-fix.jpg

 

Looks like they just can't stand us Windows folks having fun without them!

 

o my god you are so right since i installed firefox 2.0 last week on my mac all it does is crash. lol has done 2 times in the last 30mins!!!! lol

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When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

 

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the

 

floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

 

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

 

just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

 

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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Calvintang,

 

About the old guy in the picture holding his nootz, watch some MTV and notice when some rappers say "Whoot biatch" they grab their nootz too, that's what it's in reference to. ;) lol

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Are you tired of long pages of specs? Confused by instruction sets and information per clock cycle? Are you tired of the hassle of picking out a processor when all you want is more gigahertz?

 

Did you know the newer chips are actually /decreasing/ in gigahertz? Why bother with that! What do instruction sets have to do with anything? Why should you have to know! You are the average computer user, who just wants a computer with lots and lots of gigahertz.

 

Well the engineers at AMD have created the processor for you! Following the tradition of giving processors names ending in -on, our newest line of processors is geared towards the average computer user who just wants more.

 

Introducing AMD MORON, the processor that gives you more. In fact, it gives you an astounding 128 GHz more! That's right! 128 GHz!

 

How do we accomplish this? Well it's very simple; AMD Moron does absolutely nothing per clock cycle! That's right - absolutely nothing per clock cycle! But you don't care, and why should you, when you've got 128 GHz!

 

AMD Moron is useless for sure - it takes an astounding five hours to boot DOS! But you'll never notice, because all that time, you'll be thinking about that 128 GHz; the fastest processor on the planet! Who cares about benchmarks? AMD Moron has 128 GHz of speed! 128 GHz!

 

How much is this processor worth, you ask? A thousand? Ten thousand? No! It's worth absolutely nothing! That's right! AMD Moron is absolutely worthless! But we're selling it for $5000, because with 128 GHz, you will buy one for any price! So call now! 1-800-WTF-LOL-BBQ! 1-800-WTF-LOL-BBQ!

 

 

Stay tuned! After the break, we will look into AMD's new competitor, DAMN, and their new processor which follows the antithesis of the -on tradition: DAMN Jackoff!

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A man was about to go on a long, extended business trip and he had an extraordinarily beautiful wife who got extraordinarily horny; so not wanting her to fool around behind his back he went to the local . store to look for a gift.

 

He first thought of getting her a blow-up doll, but that reminded him too much of another man. Strolling through the aisles of vibrators and dildos ad nauseum he failed to see the perfect gift, so decided to ask for help.

 

The old guy behind the counter told him not to give up hope, that he had yet to see the Voodoo Penis. Raising an eyebrow, the man said well, let's see it! The oldster reached down behind the counter and brought up about a foot long box. Opening the box there was a plain-looking, ordinary dildo in it.

 

The man exclaimed, "You've got a thousand just like that in that aisle over there! I'm leaving!". But the old man said, "Wait! You've yet to see what it can do! Voodoo Penis, the door!". The dildo levitated out of the box, flew over to the door, andn started doing the keyhole until a large crack split up the middle of the door. The old man yelled, "Voodoo Penis, back in the box!" and the dildo floated back to the box and settled down in it.

 

The man was astounded. He had to have that dildo for his wife. With a lot of haggling, the old guy finally let it go for $738 and an imitation Rolex. The guy rushed home to his wife and told her, "Honey, do I have a surprise for you!" and proceeded to tell her all about the Voodoo Penis.

 

"Now while I'm off on my trip, all you have to do is say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch" and you'll be well taken care of!"

 

So the guy left on his trip and sure enough, after just a few days, his wife got incredibly horny. She thought of a few people she could call to take care of her needs when she recalled the Voodoo Penis, so she figured what the hell, she'd give it a try. Getting into bed she said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" and the dildo obediently rose out of the box and came straight for her.

 

After 3 mind-shattering orgasms, she thought to herself, ok enough is enough, but when she tried to pull it out.. she couldn't! Her husband had failed to tell her how to turn the damn thing off! She thought maybe they could help her at the hospital, so she got dressed and headed for her car.

 

Driving down the street and still quivering she found it necessary to step on the gas and soon enough was pulled over for speeding. As the officer approached her window he said, "Ma'am, where's the fire? Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" She told him the whole story about the Voodoo Penis and related she was on her way to the hospital to see if they could help.

 

The cop rolled his eyes and said, "Voodoo Penis, my butt!".

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