good JOKE for ya...

[ReelFiles]

I loved that one

 

here's a real life example;

 

 

6 hours of file transfers between 5 different machines heated this POS router up nicely. It kept my coffee warm, the whole time because I forgot that I left it there. Obviously it wasn't hot, but I was pretty impressed that it kept it somewhat warm.

[ReelFiles]

Francis Harris / London Telegraph | July 13 2006

 

Al-Qa'eda is planning to attack a mule festival, ice-cream parlours, a kangaroo conservation centre and "a beach at the end of a street", according to America's latest list of terrorist targets.

 

The 77,000-item list was compiled by the much-criticised Department of Homeland Security.

 

An audit by the department's inspector general said that 11,000 of the sites met the required level of a target of national significance and that 32,000 did not. The importance of the rest was unclear.

 

The department asked state authorities to identify which sites "if attacked would result in catastrophic loss of life and/or catastrophic economic loss".

 

But the guidelines issued by officials were so unclear that the 50 states often failed to understand what the department required. While some gave the names and addresses of potential targets, others simply provided general information such as "school" and "restaurant". Among the supposed targets were the American society of young musicians, a bourbon festival, an insect zoo, Old McDonald's petting zoo, a shop called Amish County Popcorn and a theological seminary.

[red930]

You gotta love a creative bum!

[ReelFiles]

Hehe, I liked one I saw in NYC;

I ain't gonna lie, I need money for cigarettes and booze.

[red930]

I thought I would add something that might clear up the whole Zidane issue

 

The incident...

 

...as seen by the Germans

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...as seen by the French

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...as seen by the Italians

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...as seen by the Americans

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...as seen in The Matrix

 

The show is only as good as my bandwidth holds out. Enjoy!

[ReelFiles]

OMG, that's funny as hell. I like the terrorist one.

 

This one shows the events leading up to what really happened.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1i_l0OeeMc

[CPDMF]

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your

right side is a

valley and on your left side is a fire engine

traveling at the same

speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which

is the same size

as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is

a helicopter

flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the

helicopter are also

traveling at the same speed as you.

 

What must you do to safely get out of this highly

dangerous situation?

 

Answer below*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round.

[red930]

The Evolution of Teaching Math

 

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

 

Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

 

Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

 

Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

 

Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the Logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

 

Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $6000?

[ReelFiles]

Sadly, this is more like the truth than a joke....LOL

[Kandoo]

A young man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month

since my last confession. I have had . with Nookie Green every week for

the last month. The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Now go

out and say three Hail Mary's

 

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two

months since my last confession. I have had . with Nookie Green twice a

week for the last two months.

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?" "A new woman in the

neighborhood." the sinner replies. "Very well, sighs the priest "Go & say

ten Hail Mary's

 

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a

tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous blonde woman enters the sanctuary.

The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up

the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest! Her dress is green

and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

 

The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes &

very short dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.

 

The priest turns to the altar boy & whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?" The

bug eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, father, I

think it's just the reflection off her shoes!"

[Kandoo]

gotta have one or two of these for BBQ's:)

[General Septem]

lmao, I've got to get me a couple of those.