Week #5: news, notes, & smack!

[Angry_Games]

Ok, we'll open this week with apologies to all about missing week #4's write-up. Flu, work, life, all that . made me a bad fantasy manager and field reporter. This roving newsie is on the tail-end of the flu, so we'll get this written up because we still have a few exciting match-ups tonight with remaining Monday night spares!

 

Inter-divisional Play!

 

 

 

Let's start with the BLOWOUT of the week (possibly the year!). Fumbling Fatties came into week #5 tied for 1st place in the NFC @ 3-1. The Fatties put up some horrible numbers this week, as if his team decided to take Columbus Day weekend off like I did!

 

Infektion was secretly feeding his players liquid steroids labeled "Gatorade" from Wednesday on, they came out like a raging Spartan army and flattened the opposition. Spartacus is up at Mount Olympus with tears in his eyes at the greatness of the Infektor. Maybe the Infektor will be raised up to minor-god status? (possibly until he plays Trooper or the Rapists I suppose haha).

 

Neither team has a spare, so looks like the crazy score of 103-22 will stand. I'm sure the Fatty butthole is smarting, red and raw (and possibly weeping a substance known as "loser-pus" haha). Maybe next week the Chubbies will show up and actually play in a game?

 

 

 

 

The Ducks and the Gaywads are neck-and-neck (penis-and-penis? eeewwwww gross!) this week, both teams trying to use their credit cards to buy a point that might win it.

 

The Cross-dressers are holding a 4 point lead and going into tonight with an untested, raw rookie QB from Buffalo, possibly the second-worst team in the league (far ahead of the Dolphins at least!).

 

Just as bad for the Water Fowl, they are relying on a Buffalo WR to do the job. This reporter finds it hard to believe that the Geese can pull out a win since that WR has to rely on the Angry QB to rack up the points. I've just received an email from the Angry Terrorists that they plan to ignore Lee Evans all night and pass to everyone but him, assuring a Fairy win!

 

 

 

 

The Professors were ahead by a long shot all day long, only to end the night about 20 points behind the last-place team, the Corpses. While I have to root for the Teachers, I secretly root for the Cadavers because everyone hates being 0-2443 and if things don't change soon, the Cadavers will definitely be driving that diesel into the Hall of Shame.

 

If the Teachers had studied a little before teaching class Sunday, they would have dropped the Washington RB in and picked up enough points to make this close. Instead, they have to rely on Tony Romo once again to have a miracle game. I hate Dallas so I'm going to have to give Romo a pass this week and hope he gets turf-eye (ie a linebacker sacks him so hard his face is imprinted into the grass!).

 

The Teachers might have also wanted to put a kicker into the game. Last week she whipped the Fairies without fielding a defense, which goes to show you just how ugly the Fairies are when they show up for a game dressed in tights and skirts. This week however, the Schoolmarms won't be so lucky.

 

However it isn't too much of a stretch to think Romo could put up 19 points...but that still won't win it for them, as the Bodies' bench still has more points, so if Romo doesn't snap up 20+ points, it will be another loss for the Teachers.

 

If the Cadavers had decided to go with the Houston kicker, who kicked like 923 field goals Sunday, the game would already be over. But again, it will be nice to see an 0-4 team finally pull a win!

 

 

 

 

 

*SIGH*

 

These xxxxing RAPISTS. WTF? They were losing by...oh...3,000 points all day, and I wake up to see they are back in front? xxxxING CHEATERS! This goddamn Bret Favre. WTF? Ain't he crippled yet? Won't someone switch out his Geritol with sugar pills? COME ON ALREADY! lol

 

An unbelievable 3 point come-from-behind (a phrase the Rapists LOVE to hear and not because it is about football!) puts the Rapists on top for sole position at #1, and it seems like they just can't lose a game. The day it happens though, I expect EVERY SINGLE MANAGER to send continuous pm's, emails, and posts here about it. I want more smack than even the nastiest bondage/S&M porno ever conceived thrown the Rapers' way!!!

 

I had high hopes for the Au Pairs, and all Sunday I was cheering and even had about 9 pages of smack write-ups prepared to shower down on the Buttbangers from Cabanaville. *sigh*

 

Too bad the Wink-Wink-Nudge-Nudgers don't have anyone playing tonight. Another xxxxing week of endless yammering from the Rapists is coming, so we all best prepare for it!

 

 

 

 

 

Will the Chuckers ever be consistent? Will they win more than a single game? With two spares going tonight, the Chokers still have a chance, but when you look at Ace's roster management, you can begin to understand their soon-to-be 1-4 record. Their starting QB is out, and Angry has the REAL Buffalo starting QB going tonight. And who the xxxx is Marion Barber III? Is he even a real person?

 

The Dogs had another decent week, even though they continue to rely on the absolute worst team in the league for defense (Miami Dolphins, who give up something like 19,935 yards per game).

 

We'll see if Barber can pull off...30 points in a single game to get the Goobama a win, but I'm not seeing it in my crystal ball (all fairies have crystal balls...they match our panties!).

 

 

 

 

 

The Zeros are named appropriately for sure. Still sitting at 0-1,326, they tried valiantly to pick up a win this week, but all for naught. The Anti-Heroes couldn't have managed a win even with the bench, as all the bench players scored less than the starters =(

 

We need to loan the Zeros a bottle of that steroid water that Infektion is feeding his lineup.

 

They Haystacks were not happy about last week, and this week put up the serious numbers where it counted. Luckily his team didn't count on that Detroit QB for anything, because we all got what we expected out of Kitna finally, his true colors (a wanker flag flying over his palace!). The Falcons defense finally showed up for a game (they must have been visiting Vick in the pen the last few weeks), which looks to be the deciding factor in this game.

 

I say we all pitch in and paypal the Heroes a victory, but I doubt a win could be bought at this point =/

 

 

 

 

 

Well, this week the Super Bolts from San Diego showed up to play, and of course the Mountie decided to sit his QB Rivers on the bench. No worries, the Angryman left SD's RB on the bench as well, because after 4 weeks of crap and losses, who would have guessed the Bolts can actually win a game?

 

Not that the Yukon needed it however. He froze out his opponent from New Jerseyork quite easily. With 2 spares playing tonight, he could easily dart ahead even more, making it impossible for the Mafioso to win this game.

 

 

The Goombas however are running 4 spares tonight. TO, Witten, and the Cowboys defense are the ace-in-the-hole for the Smashies. Plus a spare WR from Dallas, this might end up in a close match. It's never good to put all your eggs in a single basket, but this year might be an exception rather than a rule because Dallas, as much as I hate them, are so damn good.

 

The Troop is relying on the Buffalo RB to keep the lead, as well as the Buffalo kicker who should be scoring like a madman since Buffalo can't find the end zone to save their lives. This should be the most exciting finish in the league tonight!

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhhh...McLoser and his team of baddies. Tied for 900th place, it looks like he might pull out another win against the Backfats. I think the Bacons must be on vacation, as I see 4 empty slots from Bye week players, yet he still has a 2 point lead! Bacon: note to self...keep current on the roster! NO ONE wants to lose to the Mc70's Mustache Master.

 

 

The McRoosters need Jules Jones to run like a madman and get at least 3 points to pull out the victory. As well as Dallas has been this year, and the fact they are playing the Buffalo Chucklebottoms tonight means it SHOULD be an easy victory. Let's hope so, as the McCheesers are too old to run home crying to mommy. But seriously...how embarrassing would it be to lose to a guy that had FOUR EMPTY ROSTER POSITIONS???

 

Yes McGeriatric, you would eat the poison or we would make you eat it for losing such a scenario. You better be watching MNF tonight screaming for Jones to run run run run runrunrurnrunrun!!!!

 

The Bacon will probably be doing the exact opposite, stabbing the Jones voodoo doll with all manner of rusty pins and needles to make sure that 3 point lead is safe!

 

I think if McToaster loses this game we should just kick him out of the league hahahaha (just kidding, we need an old guy to kick around, and your mustache has some haunting disco tune emanating from it!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, that's this week's weak write-up. I'm still sick and it's hard to think about anything except "crap, I just sneezed greenish-black snot all over my keyboard while typing!".

 

 

My only real concern at this point is who is going to beat the Rapers. That guy is getting on my nerves by not losing. I'm gonna be soooooo happy when Favre finally breaks something and has to be carted off the field to the old folks' home. I don't hate the Raperman, I just hate that he is the only unbeaten team in the league.

 

I say we send our groin-kicker to his house if he goes 8-0 just as a warning

 

 

Other than the Pedophiles, and the two 0-4 teams, one of which will probably win tonight, seems like we have a pretty tight league in terms of competition. It's odd seeing teams like mine with the worst rosters ever still winning games regularly.

 

Anyway, everyone remember the golden rule:

 

 

REMEMBER TO CHECK/FIX YOUR ROSTERS!!!

 

From what I've seen this week and last, a few of you managers aren't paying attention, leaving Bye week players on your starting roster.

 

This might be what normally happens by the middle of a season, 50% of the managers stop paying attention. That sucks, and if we notice such a trend from any team, we will not be inviting you back for next season. You don't have to be an uber nerd and fiddle with your roster every 9 minutes, but it sucks to have a league like this and half the management doesn't show up after mid-season to participate.

 

This is the best FFL league I've ever been in (not just cuz I'm writing the . up every week haha, but that's part of it!). Most FFL and FHL leagues we end up with less than half the managers paying attention by the end of the season, and I hate that . more than anything.

 

Participation is what makes these sorts of things so goddamn fun.

 

Remember that

 

 

 

 

ps: next week's write-up will be better unless I get more flu or end up in prison (hopefully I'll get Vick as a cell mate!)

[red930]

And who the xxxx is Marion Barber III? Is he even a real person?

 

Always wanted numbers in my name. He's actually a top back for the Cowboys, though Julius Jones steals a bunch from him. Depending how fast the Cowboys rack up the points tonight he could be running the whole second half. 30 points though? Unlikely.

 

The Goombas however are running 4 spares tonight. TO, Witten, and the Cowboys defense are the ace-in-the-hole for the Smashies. Plus a spare WR from Dallas, this might end up in a close match. It's never good to put all your eggs in a single basket, but this year might be an exception rather than a rule because Dallas, as much as I hate them, are so damn good.

 

Just wait til Infektion gets him in week 8 and every one of them has a bye. That'll feel good. Then again, I beat up on them even without a bye. Damn I'm awesome.

 

But seriously...how embarrassing would it be to lose to a guy that had FOUR EMPTY ROSTER POSITIONS???

 

I'm praying for it to happen buddy, god that'd be hilarious. I even have Julius Jones in another league (where holy ., I'm ALSO 5-0 all by myself) but I don't even need his points since I'm batting 140-77 right now.

 

*SIGH*

 

These xxxxing RAPISTS. WTF? They were losing by...oh...3,000 points all day, and I wake up to see they are back in front? xxxxING CHEATERS! This goddamn Bret Favre. WTF? Ain't he crippled yet? Won't someone switch out his Geritol with sugar pills? COME ON ALREADY! lol

 

An unbelievable 3 point come-from-behind (a phrase the Rapists LOVE to hear and not because it is about football!) puts the Rapists on top for sole position at #1, and it seems like they just can't lose a game. The day it happens though, I expect EVERY SINGLE MANAGER to send continuous pm's, emails, and posts here about it. I want more smack than even the nastiest bondage/S&M porno ever conceived thrown the Rapers' way!!!

 

I had high hopes for the Au Pairs, and all Sunday I was cheering and even had about 9 pages of smack write-ups prepared to shower down on the Buttbangers from Cabanaville. *sigh*

 

Too bad the Wink-Wink-Nudge-Nudgers don't have anyone playing tonight. Another xxxxing week of endless yammering from the Rapists is coming, so we all best prepare for it!

 

Ahahahaaahahaahaahahahahaaha!

 

Bwhahahhaahahaahahaahahahaah!!!!!

 

*cough* (it was ~30 point comeback) *cough*

 

Favre didn't even have a good game (except in the first half, when he was playing at 130%). LJ STILL sucks, and I left 20 points on my bench that I even considered using. And I STILL pull off a victory. I get the feeling you all secretly want the Rapers to come a-calling.

 

I want more smack than even the nastiest bondage/S&M porno ever conceived thrown the Rapers' way!!!

 

Aww, you know we like it that way. Thanks buddy.

 

Buckstitch is up next for the Rapers. Go ahead and bring your hayfork, I've got a few nifty ideas for it. Hint: it involves you saying "hey" a lot while I use the fork.

 

Oh by the way, you're gonna lose. Not badly though. I'm going to keep it close again, just so you think you have a chance. Besides, the Cabana Boys (not to mention Paley McRapist himself) absolutely LOVE coming from behind.

[sparkyftw]

man infektion raped my team so bad I need to get a new qb... you ruined him for life.

 

Man it was a rough week, but I knew it would with my whole lineup having a bye week.

 

I feel like the rest of this season is going to be rough

 

man not only did I get lowest score of the week, I have lowest score of the season, not to mention 3 injured players who played.

[red930]

God I can't wait for everyone else to have 2+ losses and me to still be undefeated.

 

You can't imagine how it is to be in my shoes right now. No seriously, they're velvety and amazing. The feel of velour my friends, that's what winners wear.

[Coors]

Hmmm...must be the molded from SPAM thing. That must be the secret ingredient to being the ultimate fantasy football killing machine. Or he sold his soul to the devil, in which case he will eventually get his when he gets double crossed hahahahahaha....and don't act like it ain't gonna happen....that devil is a sneaky son of a classy lady.

[Guest Buckstitch]

Buckstitch is up next for the Rapers. Go ahead and bring your hayfork, I've got a few nifty ideas for it. Hint: it involves you saying "hey" a lot while I use the fork.

 

Oh by the way, you're gonna lose. Not badly though. I'm going to keep it close again, just so you think you have a chance. Besides, the Cabana Boys (not to mention Paley McRapist himself) absolutely LOVE coming from behind.

 

Ok Im going to use the fork on you to see if your done winning. After week 6 Rapists 5-1 Buckstitch 5-1 hahaaaaa your going down :p:p:p:p

[red930]

Ok Im going to use the fork on you to see if your done winning.

 

Lol, go ahead and stick me buddy. If you dare.

 

 

 

 

I think this might be going a bit too far...

[Coors]

lol it's a game of "gay chicken".....who's gonna back down first?

[Guest Buckstitch]

I think this might be going a bit too far...

Its all in fun right:D:D

[red930]

lol it's a game of "gay chicken".....who's gonna back down first?

 

The Cabana Boys NEVER back down from a game of "gay-chicken"!

 

[Coors]

:barf:

[Guest Buckstitch]

Now I think we went a little to far :nod::nod: