good JOKE for ya...

[Trevor]

Oh god! Jump down the ladder now!!!:shake:

[cal50]

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.

 

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.

 

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

 

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.

 

The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna' lose an engine on takeoff."

[soundx98]

What Red-Blooded Male wouldn't want one of these?

 

[smolt]

man i needed one of those with my first wife rofl

[Guest AAdjuster]

What Red-Blooded Male wouldn't want one of these?

 

 

Where can you get one of those.

 

Pretty sure Newegg dosen't stock them.

[king of nothing]

Ladder To Success

 

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman.

 

"Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

 

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.

 

"Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

 

"Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

 

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive.

 

"Make love to me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.

 

As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.

 

"Make love to me now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.

 

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again.

 

When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

 

"Who are you?" the man asked.

 

"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

So then..... going back to word origins for a while.....

 

Successful = Suck + Cess + Fool

 

Think we can make it into Snopes with it?

[smolt]

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for

an unusual Christmas gift for his wife.

 

The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous

Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.

 

"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.

 

"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet."

 

was the shop owner's reply. The shop owner held a lighted match

under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells!

Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the

parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was

filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."

 

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran

home as quickly as he coul

My Love: he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife

saw her gift she was overwhelmed.

 

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"

 

"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."

 

So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's

left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned:

"Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..."

 

The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out

came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

 

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What

if we hold the lighter between his legs?"

 

The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to

please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet

twisted his face, cleared his throat, and

My Love: and the little parrot sang out

loudly like it was the performance of his life:

 

 

"Chet's Nuts roasting on an an open fire"

[smolt]

Fluctuations

 

 

 

 

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the

currency exchange window at the local bank.

I chose the shortest line, just one guy in front of me.? He was an

Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little

agitated.

 

He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo

yen.? Today I get hunat eighty dolla?"?

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

 

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you Americans too."

[calvintang]

lol...

[Luc@z]

lol, sorry ms, someone beat you to that one:

http://www.dfi-street.com/forum/showpost.p...3&postcount=522

[calvintang]

Ok... after a long flight.. a Gary was walking back to his car... while he was walking... another man in a car pass by him and say "GET IN!!" with bloodshot eyes...Gary then ran towards his car.The man quickly gunned the engine and went after Gary... while the man was closing in.. Gary scream "Get away from me!! HELP!!" the man quickly say" im sorry but im so fustrated... been looking for a parking spot"

[Trevor]

lol