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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter


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It was just a matter of time before some one posted this... Here's the most comical comment I've read regarding this movie:

 

What I learned about history today: Abraham Lincoln was a strong boy who can chop down a tree with one swing of an ax. As a child his mother was brutally murdered and fed upon by a Glittery Vampire. He vowed to eradicate all vampires from the United States of America, and through hard work and determination he became the President of America.

 

Though he had achieved becoming the most powerful man in America there was opposition from the southern states where much of the wealthy land owners were powerful vampires like Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis de Pointe du Lac. Using his influence as the President, Lincoln declared war against the southern states to exterminate the Glittery Vampires, abolishing slavery was just a side benefit of exterminating the vampires.

 

The high school history books must have been downplaying the epic-ness of Abraham Lincoln so as not to steal the thunder from General Ulysses S. Grant, who took 300 Union soldiers and held back over 50,000 Confederate Vampires from getting into the nations capital by funneling them with the Hot Cleavage in the Appalachian Mountains.

 

I know all this to be true because it was on the internet.

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