good JOKE for ya...

[Bladeblunter]

Two Irishmen, called Seamus and Fergal, were walking through the woods one day when Seamus spotted a sign on a nearby tree.

 

Seamus read the sign which said "Tree fellers wanted".

 

Thinking for a while, Seamus turned to his friend and said, in his broad Irish accent ;

 

"'Tis a shame there's only two of us, Fergal!"

[red930]

Read these 10 instructions and then scroll down... no cheating

 

1- Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder-width apart.

2- Form a loose grip.

3- Keep your head down.

4- Avoid a quick backswing.

5- Stay out of the water.

6- Try not to hit anyone.

7- If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.

8- Don't stand directly in front of others.

9- Please be quiet while others are preparing to go.

10- Don't take extra strokes.

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Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!

[StephenC]

:shake: :shake: :nod:

[cal50]

Ice Fishing Blonde

 

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby.

She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice

fishing.

 

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field.

Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice

fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and

equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own

special place in her kit.

 

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded

stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her

first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no

fish under the ice!"

 

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the

ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new

hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the

ice!"

 

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't

covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far

side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her

calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools

in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut

this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

 

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you Lord?"

 

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

[Trevor]

Lmao Lmfao Lol Rofl

[OceanSeasforMe]

It is where I have been going to get a laugh for years now.

 

Warning : If you cant handle a few curse words dont click the link.

Site is text only ~!

 

http://bash.org/

 

Random selected from menu options :

#92 +(759)- [X]

 

if it has 'teen' in the channel name, the collective iq of the group can automatically be assumed to be a negative value

 

#1116 +(385)- [X]

 

hrmm

how the flevk did a shortcut to e13ay end up on my desktop

what kinda nefarious sheet is windows update pulling

It's your computers way of saying it wants a new owner

Like a dog scratching on the door to get out

 

#1139 +(108)- [X]

 

heh

* SYch0 has a great family

Because they indulge you.

But if they keep doing that, you'll grow up fat and arrogant!

Oh, wait....

[vega27]

http://www.angelfire.com/rings/judy_patch/

 

shut down this website and direct all support inquiries to Judy Patch! :shake: :nod:

[red930]

When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milk for your recipes, just smile and think of this...

 

A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, the read an ad offering $5,000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all."

 

She said, to herself,,,"I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!" so she sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house, a man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, ,,,,,even though, unfortunately, we will never be able to use it."

 

Why not???? This is her entry:

 

Carnation milk is best of all,

 

No tits to pull, no hay to haul,

 

No buckets to wash, no . to pitch,

 

Just poke a hole in the son-of-a-classy lady.

[cpuz]

Not much I can tell you about this, if I have to explain it you're probably blonde in which case you won't be able to get this far on the net to ever read this. It's a pencil, you write with it, like word? Oh I give up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cal50]

Nice Z!

Version 2.0 for blondes has erasers on both ends-

 

 

 

A little 3 year child came up to her pregant mother when she was getting into the shower. She said "mommy,you are getting fat!! She said "yes but mommy has a baby growing inside her tummy."I know she replied "what growing in your butt????

[red930]

[cpuz]

@ACE: I'll bet there would be a lot of purposeful accidents just to deploy it! lol