red930 Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Roflmaopmp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Omg Rofl Lmfao Lmao Lol Rolflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: :shake: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
red930 Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 I hate it when this kind of thing happens! lol there was his surprise -- Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpuz Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 this will be needed on a monday! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cal50 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. (Joke) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 LMAO! :shake: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
red930 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Poor little cal50! You're gonna smoke a turd in Purgatory for that one young man. lol When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that Goddoesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. (Joke) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cal50 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Smoke a turd ? I think that is from the movie CPU Z's avatar is from! Labadore,that's some good _hit man....... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpuz Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 22 Things To Never Say To A Cop 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job! 5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop. 7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. 8. Bad cop! No donut! 9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. 11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS? 12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand. 13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's? 14. I pay your salary! 15. So, uh, you on the take, or what? 16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too! 17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are. 19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist. 20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. 21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum. 22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
red930 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*-,_ ,.- SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.- THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*: -., _,.- FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.- FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.- SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.- SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephenC Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin and I'm in Texas. When we all left Wyoming, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs! All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains... "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and obviously I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattTim2004 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 LMAO. I love you guys Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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