Blue_cow Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Source - Entensity.net Feel free to add more! When Chuck Norris has . we dont have to know : EDITED BY MODRATOR: Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day. If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong. Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoArmistead Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 While first reading this...my first thought was "blip?" I am a huge Chuck Norris fan... I couldn't help but lmao while reading some of those "When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
IUMaestro Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 LOLOLOLOL that is hilarious.. f'in chuck norris.. at the shop yesterday, coincedentally, we checked in a computer for a guy who's name happened to be charles norris... his name was friggin chuck norris Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verran Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 http://forums.overclockersclub.com/?showto...60678&hl=norris ...seems to get a better response this time, for some reason... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdoggown Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 omigosh, how do i put a quote in my sig? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DraconicPenguin Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 (edited) If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having . with his waitress. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a craping Indian. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't crap with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". a lot of repeats, but there are so many its hard to keep track. and they are funny twice anyway Edited December 16, 2005 by DraconicPenguin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoArmistead Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 WOW, yeah they obviously don't like leeching...might wanna take those IMG links off your post lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DraconicPenguin Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 jesus tapdancing there must have been a time delay or something on that because it was fine right after i posted it... sorry!!! EDIT : you better check your language :angry2: Moderator. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoArmistead Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 It scared the crap out ofme when I first saw them. Then I realized what happened. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enyce2k9 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 those are good, Note my sig bout vin ,its been there for a while now, even thoe he didnt get the part he can divide by zero so hes a talented guy IMO Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_cow Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 omigosh, how do i put a quote in my sig? 599005[/snapback] go to the post, and near the bottom click quote, then reply, then copy and paste the code (should be something like below) and put that in your sig. [quote=cdoggown,Dec 16 2005, 02:21 PM] omigosh, how do i put a quote in my sig? [right][snapback]599005[/snapback][/right] [/quote] just make sure you chop down the text in the middle so you don't have the whole post in your sig, only the line you want. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
r_target Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. LMAO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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