Things I've Learned In Life

[Kamikaze_Badger]

Wrote this at another forum while my account was suspended. Enjoy. Keep in mind that none of this is made up or exaggerated.

 

 

If you ever feel down about life, read this. No, it's not an attempt at attention, for those of you who think that. It's here to be something for people to read and get a bit of motivation from.

 

 

 

When I was young, I was always the odd child. My language development was delayed because of my being tounge-tied. Also, I did actually walk before I crawled: I would lift myself up along a banister or hall railing, tuck one leg under, and pulled myself along.

 

When I was four, I moved to America, leaving behind everything and everyone I knew. My aunt, my cousin, etc.

 

When I was about seven or eight, my dad moved out. It was hard for me to cope with it, as he was the one person who supported me. What made things worse was my mom's attempts at trying to make me think that he didn't care about me, despite all the things he's done for me.

 

I also jumped around to three different schools in second grade. Made it hard to keep the few friends that I had.

 

When I was in fith grade, one of the worst things happened to me. Someone ended up fooling me into thinking I was their friend, and had me do various things with him. In other words, he molested me on a regular basis for almost the entire school year. I had no one to go to that I could talk to about it. And I've only told online friends about it twice.

 

Sixth grade wasn't much better. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get my homework done, and when I did, it was poorly done. Being made fun of didn't make it much better at all.

 

In the summer following, I got to the point of just wanting to end it all. The ridicule at school that I would have to face up with again, plus my mom's constant high expectations brought me down to a depressed state, and I just wanted to quit life, cut my thread, snuff out the flame, however you want to put it. It was on this day that I met Emily, who's the most beautiful girl in the world, and the best.

 

She came in first as a shoulder of support to lean upon. Eventually, we got to know each other better, and I finally blurted out that I loved her. Things from that day on got better and better, relationship wise, as we learned more and more about each other.

 

In January this year, I was diagnosed with a form of High Functioning Autism known as Aspergers Syndrome. This explained to me why I had trouble with making friends and socially interacting with people. I view AS as a gift.

 

In March, I was diagnosed with depression. This came as a relief to me, as I could know that there was a reason I was so down and pessimistic all the time.

 

Around the end of May, in Art class, students were hitting me hard with insults. I finally got fed up with it all, and just decided to leave everything behind. I used one of the knives to cut my wrist. Fortunately, I didn't know at the time that I had to go down the road.

 

The remainder of that day was spent working with the custodians(which was rather fun).

 

After school, my mom yelled at me, and she and my step dad said that I just wanted attention and that I was too stupid to notice that people were tired of it. She took me to the hospital, where the doctors decided to send me to a city about two hours away and have the guys there decide. I spent the next three days in the Adolescent Psyche Ward. While there, I learned a few things:

 

You'll never know how much you miss your loved ones untill you're cut off from them completely.

 

There are other ways of dealing with things.

 

Hospital food rocks.

 

 

When I got home on Thursday, I went to school, and people were alot less hostile towards me. Some even appologized for it and admitted that they were scared when I cut my wrists.

 

 

 

 

Now, I'm back in school with a better outlook on life, and a better attitude than before. My relationship with Emily is strong as ever, and we're always there for each other, despite the physical distance. I've learned things from my short 14 years of life:

 

Whatever's going wrong, it will get better, but only if you make an attempt at it. Nothing ever happens unless you aid yourself.

 

Whatever you're going through, there are people that are going through worse. Suck it up like a man.

 

Suicide is the worst thing you can do. It dosn't solve anything, and you'll truly hurt those around you(I've seen Emily cry because I wanted to kill myself once, and that was the most heart renting moment of my life).

 

Don't ever give up. There are people who have gone through worse than you and me, and they still made it through. Don't give the world any "I'm not as strong as they are." stuff, as that's fecal matter. You are strong enough, but you don't want to admit it.

 

There are people out there who care. If you havn't found them yet, then that's one reason to not give up.

 

 

 

 

 

That's all for now. I hope that this will end up helping you or a friend during times of depression. I do ask that you keep sympathy to yourself and save it for those who need it.

[HomerJaySimpson]

Sorry to disappoint you, but depression doesn't go away in a week nor does a female make it go away. Trust me, i've been there. You're still in your teens too, you'll be glad when those are over, but stay realistic. Depression is not a small thing, and can take years to get over. Some people never get over it...

[Kamikaze_Badger]

I still have depression. I'm on medications to help suppress it, and they work. I don't feel depressed as much anymore, but there are those times when I just want to end it all.

 

 

 

 

And like I said, based on personal experience: Suicide is for n00blets. If you're referring to people who commit suicide(or self-inflicted-post-birth abortion, if you want to refer to it as that) as those who never get over it, those are the people who are not only n00bs, but also those who don't have anyone to help them with their problems.

 

 

 

 

And reading horror stories about cubicles... ahh, where's the Fountain of Youth when you need it? Spaniards thought it was in Florida, didn't they? *books a ticket*

[Silverfox]

why were you suspended?

[zigen]

jeez dude i didnt know how bad u had it...and ppl here still think ur a moron...stupid ppl. i feel for ya man i really do oops didnt read last sentence of keep your sympathy to yourself :x

Edited November 17, 2004 by zigen

[Kamikaze_Badger]

My lact of tact and surplus of stupidity.

 

 

I've decided to stay out of the IRC channel for now.

[HomerJaySimpson]

I still have depression. I'm on medications to help suppress it, and they work. I don't feel depressed as much anymore, but there are those times when I just want to end it all.

Medication is the last thing you want. What kind are you on? I was on Effexor for a year after attempted suicide and all it did was make me feel like a zombie. And it only gets worse, you start to lose all emotion and life feels like a dream. If i were you, i'd get counselling instead of medication, especially at your age man

[spathalogic]

I've been through depression, and I don't need a doctor or anyone else to tell me I'm crazy, luckily I have a very strong family that can always get me through everything.

 

You can have your cookie back.

[Kamikaze_Badger]

I guess that would explain my lack of emotions...

 

 

 

I'm on Welbutrin XL.

 

 

Instag0, keep the cookie. I made sure that the anthrax was chocolate flavored this time.

 

 

 

 

EDIT: And the school counselor and my band teacher are two great people at school to talk to about school and some home problems. But I prefer talking to people online about my more personal things. The internet is like my second home to me.

 

 

EDIT 2: Zigen, I don't have it bad compared to what some people have to go through. I can go to bed at night with my computer near me, not having to worry about it being stolen, or waking up the next day to risk dying in a suicide bombing because I go to school. I'm able to wake up and look forward to an education. I can go to bed under a shelter with hot water and food. Some people can't say the same.

[sYstEmATiC]

Medication is the last thing you want. What kind are you on? I was on Effexor for a year after attempted suicide and all it did was make me feel like a zombie. And it only gets worse, you start to lose all emotion and life feels like a dream. If i were you, i'd get counselling instead of medication, especially at your age man

it depends,i have thought about suicide but never tried.....thank God. I was so negative and everytime someone crossed me i would blow up at them, thats why i wasnt posting at occ for a few months because i was off my medicine (prozac, and ritalin) and i just had to double the dosage because it was getting worse.... the medicines i take dont make me feel tired but rather more awake.

 

dont be afraid to ask a school councelor or go to the hospital if your are in a severelly depressed state. i was for a while and i finally talked to a counselor several years ago and things have been better since. (but dont think it will go away overnight like homer said....but it does get better.)

[allthatisman]

Hey KB; It takes a strong person to openly talk about the hardest times of our lives, especially when we're young. I'm not gonna say whether or not I went through the same things you did, that's not important. But I do want to say that you have learned some very valuable lessons at a very young age and that's commendable. Some people don't learn jack when times are tough. You've shown that you better than that. Good luck with Emily.

[spathalogic]

Cyanide? Eh... eh.... ER... AGH