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Lawsuit Filed Against God


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http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/religion/48599

 

 

SHERIDAN, Wyo. -- After being zapped by lightning three times in eight years, Jonas Wilding is striking back by throwing legal lightning bolts at the Almighty!

 

"I'm suing for a hundred million bucks, and I know God can afford it," says Wilding, a 37-year-old rancher who recently filed a lawsuit against the Lord.

 

His suit alleges harassment, physical and mental injuries as well as distress due to his close calls with death from above.

 

"My attorney says Mother Nature isn't a recognized deity. But God is another matter. And after the third time I said, 'I've had enough! Now I'm mad. This is harassment, pure and simple.'"

 

Wilding's troubles began 10 years ago when he was struck while rounding up cattle on his ranch 13 miles outside of Sheridan. A sudden storm caught him and before he knew it, he'd been hit by a bolt that killed his horse and sent him flying about 25 feet, knocking him senseless.

 

"I recovered and except for some scarring, I was fine," says Wilding. "Then I got hit again in 1998 during a camping trip with my wife. That one left me with some minor nerve damage. I can't feel anything in part of my right hand.

 

"Then four months ago -- bam! -- I got hit as I was repairing fences. I was out for half a day before my hired hand found me. I just got out of physical therapy and I still can't taste anything after that one."

 

What he'd like is a taste of justice and says his lawsuit isn't frivolous.

 

"I'm a church-going man but I don't know anyone else I can blame for this," he says. "The odds are something like one in 600,000 of getting hit only once."

 

Wilding says he's done nothing to incur this kind of cosmic wrath.

 

"I'm a law-abiding man. I go to church every Sunday with my family. I do charity work. I recycle. I can't imagine why God has singled me out for this kind of harassment."

 

"Sure, I've broken a couple of Commandments in my day. I've told a few white lies. I shoplifted a couple things when I was a kid. And I think my neighbor's wife is pretty hot.

 

"But this punishment is way out of line for those sins. The Big Guy is going to have to settle with me on this one."

 

His lawyer, Lloyd Starbuck, says he's prepared to take the suit all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court and isn't worried about the Supreme Being not showing up in court.

 

"We know that He'll be there, even if we have to subpoena Him," vows Starbuck.

 

"Our whole justice system was set up years ago to enforce God's will, but now, He Himself is in violation of the very rules he established, and now He has to face the music. I don't think He's got a prayer."

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hahahahhahaaha!........can it get any more pathetic?...........If he thought getting struck by lighting 3 times was bad, wait till God advances this idiot's reservation in Hell lol...j/k..........seriously though are people reall this stupid?

 

BTW I am filing a suit against Playboy for giving my wrist carpel tunnel! lol

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If i can remember right, some one sued Mc Donalds for making them fat. ;) Cant remember the details

I'd belive it, "we'll your honor...i ate at least 3 big macs a day...and there were no warnings or anything, so i figured it wasn't doing any harm" is what pops into my head. Its really scary though...because people are actually like that

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If i can remember right, some one sued Mc Donalds for making them fat. ;) Cant remember the details

the one I rememeber was some woman sued McDonalds because her kids were fat. She had fed them McDonalds at least once a day their entire life, and wondered why they were fat? hahahaha DUH STUPID! lol

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