WhenKittensATK Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 (edited) just to make this clear, this isnt a college assignment, its a requirment for getting accepted into college. The thesis is from UF. Yes it is one of their actual prompts that you choose to write your essay from. I'm still a senior in High School. Doing this for a senior portfolio for a class assignment. I'm going to Valencia Community College for 2-yrs then I'm gonna transfer to a 4-yr university. I'm just doing this just in case I need it for the next college. This way I don't need to take SAT and its cheaper. Edited September 27, 2006 by Krazyxazn Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
UkJenT Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Regardless of where or not it is, you should avoid the passive tense and contractions. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhenKittensATK Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 (edited) Okay! Totally different thesis now. I decided to write a differnt essay then the one above. Its much shorter and isn't like a history report, which my teacher told me it was so I started over and a clean slate. Thesis: If you were to write a book, what theme or subject matter would it be based on and why? (I think its a thesis from Stanford, but it really doesn't matter.) nm not done yet. Edited October 2, 2006 by Krazyxazn Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravix Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 (edited) You've gotten some ideas down on the paper. Now set it aside and rewrite it. From scratch. It doesn't flow and it doesn't impress. Your better off starting again. Luckily, it'll be much easier the second time. Good luck. Edited October 2, 2006 by ravix Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhenKittensATK Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Okay! Totally different thesis now. I decided to write a differnt essay then the one above. Its much shorter and isn't like a history report, which my teacher told me it was so I started over and a clean slate. Thesis: If you were to write a book, what theme or subject matter would it be based on and why? (I think its a thesis from Stanford, but it really doesn't matter.) 1.A nation that has lasted for over 2,000 years is about to be forgotten. That nation would be China, many of its traditions and cultures are being swept away as years pass. They are being replaced by modern western cultures. If I were to write a book, its theme would be on the Chinese culture and their contributions to the world. 2.The reason why I would write this book is because, I think ancient Chinese civilizations don Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
suchuwato Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Seriously Essays are that long? Even in High School we were expected to fill two or three sheets of A4 minimum Anyways, the latest is a good start, try and make it flow a bit better though... plus don't start on things like 'Also' and don't talk about yourself so much. 1) Establish a theme - Chinese culture is disappearing 2) Explain, without saying 'omg, it's t3n sux' why it's a bad thing 3) Say why it's important (here's where you come in) why you tell people about it. 4) Have a witty/informational closer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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