good JOKE for ya...

[red930]

[red930]

[General Septem]

lol Goober, I thought that cat was going to be a screamer for a second. You know, one of these. XD

[soundx98]

Got this from Pyr0, had to share:

 

How to Dance like a White Guy

 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3689560270595414198

[red930]

Damn that is so funny but cruel at the same time.

lol Goober, I thought that cat was going to be a screamer for a second. You know, one of these. XD

[Luc@z]

lol Goober, I thought that cat was going to be a screamer for a second. You know, one of these. XD

 

That is freaking hilarious! I'd love to get my hands on.. what was that, a game?.. and use it on some of my friends/family. There's another out there like that but it starts off looking like a commercial for a luxury car and doesn't always work the way you want. A game would work much better

[General Septem]

Got this from Pyr0, had to share:

 

How to Dance like a White Guy

 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3689560270595414198

Rotflmao!

 

 

Luc@z: I have seen flash animations where you have to, for example, find a non-existant Waldo or find three differences between identical photos, and after about thirty seconds a screamer appears, lol

 

That reminds me of this time someone posted a link to it on a forum. Of course after I got tricked I said "I found him =D". Remember - once you're tricked, you're one of them, so don't spoil it for the rest XD

[Kandoo]

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading

 

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

 

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to

"Hysterias and Posteriors."

 

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to

 

"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

 

No go.

 

Then came

 

"Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives."

 

Still not good.

 

Another attempt resulted in

 

"Minds and Behinds."

 

Unacceptable again.

 

So they tried

 

"Lost Souls and butt Holes."

 

No way.

 

"Analysis and Anal Cysts?"

 

Nope.

 

"Nuts and Butts?"

 

Uh uh.

 

"Freaks and Cheeks?"

 

Still no go.

 

"Loons and Moons?"

 

Forget it.

 

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

 

" Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

 

And they loved it.

[Guest Blooz1]

Living Will

 

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

 

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer

[General Septem]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

 

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

 

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while

healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

 

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

 

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

 

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

 

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

 

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

 

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

 

EVER WONDER????

 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

 

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

 

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

 

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

 

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of

progress?

 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

 

~~~~

 

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be how??...)

 

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

 

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

 

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after

heating."

(...and you thought????...)

 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on

body."

(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

 

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or

operate machinery after taking this medication."

 

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

 

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(and... I'm taking this because???....)

 

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use

only."

(as opposed to...what?)

 

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

 

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your

hands or genitals."

(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[soundx98]

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,

interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

 

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

 

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the

circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.

 

"Kill Her!"

 

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."

 

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

 

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

 

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

 

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet, the door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow.

 

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said.

"I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[MoJo Risin&#39]

@ General Septem:

LOL

 

EVER WONDER????

Why are the places you sit in a stadium called stands?

 

Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?