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George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do."


"I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."


George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!", George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."


The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.


The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,"Yeah, I can handle this.



"The devil smiled and said...."MONICA, you're free to go!"

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A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.


The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"


"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.


"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.


"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."


"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.


"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"


"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.


"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.


"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."


The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."


The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and .."

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Making Love


The Italian says,

"When I've a finished a making da love withah my wifah, I go downa and gently

tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in



The Frenchman replies. zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love

with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za soles of

her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure



The redneck says,

"That aint .. When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of

bed, walk over to the winder

and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling

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You cannot hide from me because I will seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.


I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you and when I am finished, you will be weak for days.


All my love,












The Flu


PS Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot. :nod:

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