fariss Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: "I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a' mighty, don't they stay on by themselves? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
red930 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backs up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the Blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is Going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what are those obscene cardboard Pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpockST Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 ... "Well, what are those obscene cardboard Pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... Your link requires an account to see what you indicate we should see but I don't have an account on that forum. Think it might be appropriate to either post any picture in a more public place or not have a link to a picture at all? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
radodrill Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Your link requires an account to see what you indicate we should see but I don't have an account on that forum. Think it might e appropriate to either post any picture in a more public place or not have a link to a picture at all? I'm a member and can't even see it :confused: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant... Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you? "I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!" The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor snickered and said, "Just kidding with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
red930 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 WTH? I didn't link anything from any other site in any of the things I posted here... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpockST Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 WTH? I didn't link anything from any other site in any of the things I posted here... The word picture in your last post acts like a link, even if you didn't mean for it to be one ... ... The doctor snickered and said, "Just kidding with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?" Sorry, that "joke" did nothing for me. Even though I don't play golf, I can understand the protagonists desire to finish a perfect round. I am happily married though and find the last section more distasteful than funny. Of course, that's simply my own, personal opinion. Others in here may find it screamingly funny but I felt I needed to let you know that not everyone did. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Branjo Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I thought it was pretty funny, lol. A joke is a joke dude you can't take offense at an imaginary situation". Life is too short, and a 61 is pretty damn good Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SuppA-SnipA Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 lol that was hilarious lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarryTaco Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 This woman and her boyfriend were making love in her bedroom one evening, when her husband came home unexpectedly early. She heard the door close as he said, "Honey I'm Home". Her boyfriend panicked and asked "What should I do?". She said "Quick,, stand over there in the corner and don't move." She grabbed the baby powder near-by and shook it furiously all over his naked body and then jumped back into bed as her husband walked through the bedroom door. He said, "Hi Honey" as he looked around the room and spied the guy standing in the corner. "Whats That?" he said. She replies, " Its one of those new Nude Marble Statues like our neighbors the Johnson's got last week. Do you like it?" He says, "Um yeah, I guess its alright. Anyway, I'm horny, lets make love." So they proceeded to make love and then promptly dosed off. The boyfriend dared not move. Around midnight, the Husband got up out of bed and went into the kitchen and made a sandwich and got a glass of water. He came back into the bedroom with the items and walked over to the guy standing in the corner and said, "Here, these are for you." The guy was all confused and said "But Why?" The husband replied, " Last Week I had to stand in the Johnson's bedroom for six hours and I got really hungry." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitfit1 Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 MY POINT EXACTLY An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season." One day he was setting off to go hunting . In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun." "As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at th e animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'." "Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied , "My point exactly." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
taowulf Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe with a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, I'm yours.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing a skimpy running outfit, running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, I'm yours.' Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.' He lost 63 pounds that week. I've been telling this joke for years, it is one of my all time favorites. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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