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#1741 road-runner

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Posted 07 July 2008 - 07:28 AM

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around
the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a
lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was
doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand "You have done a
really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired
hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found
the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting
for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, e v e r s o s lo w l y.

"Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties."

By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired."

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#1742 soundx98

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Posted 08 July 2008 - 03:35 PM

^^^

Very good.
I'll be spamming friends and family with it for a couple of weeks. :)

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#1743 Andrewr05

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Posted 08 July 2008 - 04:09 PM

Good one RR!
:lol:

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If the cops are coming - Don't be there.
If you show up and the cops are already there - DISAPPEAR.
Anyplace the cops are and you aren't, is a good day

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#1744 Compxpert

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Posted 08 July 2008 - 06:03 PM

Lol you had me until the end at which point I laughed my arse off.

Edited by Compxpert, 08 July 2008 - 06:03 PM.

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#1745 soundx98

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Posted 17 July 2008 - 06:51 AM

A Priest and a Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a
requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'

The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the rab bi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to
temptation And tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it
still a Requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'

The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the
temptations of
the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke
with my Faith.'

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for
about five Minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the . out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?

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#1746 kingdingeling

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Posted 17 July 2008 - 07:06 AM

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Got a good one myself:

A man and his wife are in court, fighting for who gets the child they had together. The woman says: "I had the pregnancy, the birth and all that, the kid is definitely mine!" The judge turns to the guy and says: "What do you think about that?" The guy gets up, thinks for a second, and replies: "If you put a coin into a Coke machine, is the coke yours or that of the machine?"

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#1747 dr_bowtie

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 06:11 AM

3 woman were working out together at the local gym one day and one of the woman said to the other woman....

My husband is a marriage counselor, he brings me candy and flowers before we make love...

The second woman jumped up and said....My husband is a jeweler and he brings me a couple pearls before we make love....

the third lady thought for a moment and with a pause....she spoke up and said....

My husband works for Microsoft....he sits on the edge of the bed and just tells me how good it will be when I finally get it....lol
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