red930 Posted May 1, 2008 Posted May 1, 2008 One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundx98 Posted May 1, 2008 Posted May 1, 2008 So I broke my life down into this pie chart. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
momoceio Posted May 1, 2008 Posted May 1, 2008 2 guys walk into a bar...the 3rd guys ducks Oldie but goody Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted May 3, 2008 Posted May 3, 2008 THE HORMONE HOSTAGE THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS! THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! DANGEROUS: SAFER: SAFEST: ULTRA SAFE: WHAT'S FOR DINNER? CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER? WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER? HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. ARE YOU WEARING THAT? WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN! WOW! LOOK AT YOU! HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT? COULD WE BE OVERREACTING? HERE'S MY PAYCHECK. HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT? YOU KNOW, THERE ARE ALOT OF APPLES LEFT. CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT? HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE! HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE. 13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR: 1. PASS MY SHOTGUN 2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING 3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE 4. PUFFY MID-SECTION 5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK 6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS 7. PARDON MY SOBBING 8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE 9. PASS MY SWEATS 10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME 11. POOR MEN SUCK 12. PACK MY STUFF & MY FAVORITE ONE 13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR HORMONAL FRIENDS & THOSE WHO MIGHT NEED A GOOD LAUGH!! ...OR MEN WHO MAY NEED WARNING!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
momoceio Posted May 6, 2008 Posted May 6, 2008 I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13...13....13...13." The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. "14 ...14...14...14....". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted May 8, 2008 Posted May 8, 2008 A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?' The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted May 19, 2008 Posted May 19, 2008 Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Irish accent asked "What might ye be sellin' here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling butt-holes." Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said, "You are doing well ... only two left!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundx98 Posted May 19, 2008 Posted May 19, 2008 Thanks for all the great material Fariss! You did a great job in this thread dude. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
fariss Posted May 19, 2008 Posted May 19, 2008 Will this be moved? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolverineI Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 wheres the new jokes? Been Waiting for this thread to return. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
road-runner Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Roy and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Roy didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Roy hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Roy lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Roy, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Roy! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Roy, what in the world happened to you?" Roy replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?" "Well," Roy said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I some time go?" "Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cirro Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Theres a 30-story building and at the top of it is a bar with big windows to see around, 3 mexicans come up and come out of the elevator and only see one man drinking at the bar, he takes a shot of tequila and jumps out the window, 30 stories, the 3 guys run to the window to see him on the ground, but nothing, 5 mins later the same guy comes up through the elevator, sits down at the bar and has another shot of tequila, he looks at them, then gets up and jumps out hte window again, so they rush back over to see, nothing anywhere once again, and they are confused, 5 mins later the same guy comes up AGAIN, sits down, has a shot and jumps out the window, they run to the window and look out, nothing, this time they say "if the white man can do it, we can do it too!" they run to the bar, have a shot of tequila and jump out the window they all fall 30 stories and SPLAT all over the ground! 5 minutes later the same guy comes up again for the 4th time, he walks in and the bartender says........ "superman, your an butthole" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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