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And since were were talking about bikes before...




A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came

upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a

young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't

listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed

biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out

his nose ring and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off

biker boy or you'll answer to me!"


St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"


"Just a couple minutes ago

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Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

that ones got some replay value.


Q: What do you get when you blow in blonde's ear?

A: A Whistle


heh too pedestrian...


read at your own risk. no offense intended.


A man goes to a church confessional. The man is in quite a rush and the priest isnt around. He's got a lot to get off his chest so he asks the alterboy what prayers the priest gives for several sins.

First he asks about swearing, the alterboy responds 2 hail mary's and 1 our father. Second he asks about stealing, the alterboy responds 3 hail mary's and 3 our father's.

Third he asks "What does the priest give for a 370wj03?"

The alterboy responds... "Two cookies and juice."

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Subject: How to say it



During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks a student Michael, "If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" "Just a minute, I have to go piss." replied Michael "That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you John, how would you say it?" retorted the teacher. "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." quipped John. "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say", started Peter, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper." :nod: :shake:

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A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"


The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

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A young blonde walks into a bank to borrow $10,000 for a European vacation. The loan officer asks how she'll secure the loan and she points to a new Ferrari. He accepts the pink slip as collateral and parks the car in their underground parking lot.


Two weeks later the blonde returns, repays the loan and the $10.52 interest, and collects her pink slip for the car.


The loan officer says, "When you left two weeks ago, I checked your credit rating. You're a multi-millionaire heiress. Why would you borrow money for a trip?"


The blonde replies, "Where else can I park a new Ferrari in the city of Toronto for two weeks for $10.52 and expect it to still be there when I return? :shake: :dog:

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This is one from the way back machine of the early 80's oil bust in Texas.


What's the difference between a Texas Oilman and a Pelican.


A pelican can still leave a deposit on a Mercedes.

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A black american (imagine a 70's style huggy bear from Starsky and Hutch) finds a old lamp and trys his luck and gives it a rub. Of course out comes the Genie and grants him 1 wish.


He says "my wish is to be white, up tight, out of sight, and in the groove"


He is instantly turned into a tampon...

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That was a good one!


Here's another:


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."


Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.


He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."


He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "...let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

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