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cpuz

good JOKE for ya...

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A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real

jerk and comes running back to the motor officer. The violator demands to

know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells

him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade,

questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather

explicit terms. The officer takes it all in stride.

 

The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything. When he gets done with

writing the citation he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the

narrative portion of the citation. He then hands it to the "Violator" for his

signature.

 

The guy signs the citation angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented

his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The

officer then removes his mirror sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guys

face and says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an

butthole!"

 

Three months later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record

that he is about to lose his license, and has hired an attorney to

represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the

red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is

this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"

 

The Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendants' copy, his

signature, and mine, same number at the top."

 

Attorney: "Officer , is there any particular marking or notation on this

citation that you don't normally make?"

 

Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an

"AH", underlined."

 

Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

 

Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile Sir"

 

Attorney: "Aggressive and Hostile"?

 

Officer: "Yes Sir."

 

Attorney: "Officer... Are you sure it doesn't stand for butthole?"

 

Officer: "Well Sir, You know your client better than I do."

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Three Women Decide Who Was the Drunkest~

 

 

Three women have a very late night drinking. They leave in the

early

morning hours and go home their separate ways. The next day, they all

meet

and compare notes about who was drunkest the night before.

 

The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove

straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the

door, I

blew chunks for 10 minutes."

 

The second says, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car

and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. I don't even have

insurance!"

 

The third says, "No, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I

got into a big fight with my husband, knocked over a candle, and burned

the

whole house down!" She begins to cry.

 

The room falls silent. Finally, the first girl speaks up: "I don't

think you understand...Chunks is my dog!"

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Guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist?"

The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure,

I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?"

The girl replies; "Didn't feel a thing."

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Brought my iodine scrub and fungus spray up to the counter at the feed

store and the wise butt at the register said, "Y'all shoulda thought a

this BEFORE you asked her out"

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An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist

who shared an office with several other doctors.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

 

As he approached the receptionist desk,

he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman

who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

 

He gave her his name.

 

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;

YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE , RIGHT?"

 

All the patients in the waiting room

snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

 

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A . CHANGE OPERATION,

BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

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When General Custer died his wife went to a famous artist at the time and asked him to paint a glorious painting of her husband's final moments.

 

Once the painting was finished she came to look at it and in shock and horror exclaims, "What is this?!". Looking at the painting she sees cows with wings and halos, along with several Indians having .. The artist explains that he felt he captured her husband's final thoughts; "Holy cow, look at all those f****** Indians".

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Be aware...be very aware.

 

A "heads up" for you and any friends who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

 

Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.

 

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.

 

 

 

Here's how the scam works:

 

Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your

windshield down with a rag and Windex, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and

offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start

having . with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral . on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I have

had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, and 10th. Twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, and 28th. Three times just yesterday. And likely again this upcoming

weekend or as soon as I can buy some more wallets.

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I've looked at this thing a couple of times and can't figure it out. If anyone has an explaination please post it here.

 

http://very-bored.com/index.php?option=com...id=49&Itemid=29

 

Apparently the faces are supposed to change places if you walk far enough away. It's not a joke but an illusion. I wasn't able to walk far enough away in this room to see it though.

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Apparently the faces are supposed to change places if you walk far enough away. It's not a joke but an illusion. I wasn't able to walk far enough away in this room to see it though.

 

It may be different for each person, but it worked for me after only moving about 5 feet away. You can also try to defocus your eyes while sitting at your desk. It's blurry that way, but you can begin to see the general idea.

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Apparently the faces are supposed to change places if you walk far enough away. It's not a joke but an illusion. I wasn't able to walk far enough away in this room to see it though.

 

Yeah, it's an illusion. I walked about 7 feet away (probably more than needed) and it worked.

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