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good JOKE for ya...

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Guest Blooz1

An Atheist was walking through the woods.

 

"What majestic trees"!

 

"What powerful rivers"!

 

"What beautiful animals"! He said to himself.

 

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes

behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw

that the bear was closing in on him.

 

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

 

Time Stopped. The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

 

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You

deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of

this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?

 

The atheist looked directly into the light,

"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

 

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

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The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.

 

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the internet onto the front of my shirt.

 

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

 

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

 

BorderPatrolPatch.jpg

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Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

 

It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

 

Jesus walked into a disco and had trouble dancing, he said:

 

"Help me, I have risen, and I can't get down!"

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During one of her daily classes a teacher, trying to teach good manners,

asked her students the following question:

 

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how

would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

 

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

 

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

 

What about you, Peter, how would you say it?"

 

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be

right back."

 

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at

the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use

your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

 

Johnny said I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?

I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll

get to meet after dinner."

 

The teacher fainted.

 

 

>

 

Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower -Cooter, Pete and KC.

 

As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is

killed instantly.

 

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone

should go and tell his wife."

 

KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two

hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

 

Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"

 

"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.

 

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave

you beer?"

 

Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,

You must be Cooter's widow'."

 

She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... then I said "'I'll

bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

 

Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff

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The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.

 

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the internet onto the front of my shirt.

 

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

 

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

 

BorderPatrolPatch.jpg

 

Lol - after going to a public hospital recently, i can really relate to this :)

 

 

@ Seaside_Tyson - that is just sick. And funny.

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Seaside_Tyson, if you listen to ICP (Insane Clown Posse) that conversation seems a lot less strange, and you might actually understand where that guy is coming from. It's still funny as hell.

 

I am a Ninja... biatch!

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