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The Wife

Laughs for you men

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I was looking at a jokes forum, and I thought you men (women and Alexia too :P) might enjoy this:

 

The Guys' Rules

 

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

Finally, the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

 

 

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

 

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.

See a doctor.

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

 

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,

don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways

and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,

we meant the other one.

 

1. You can either ask us to do something

or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible,

please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"

we will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,

expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear

is fine...Really.

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are

prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

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one more rule ...

 

1. if it doesn't involve getting ., we're lazy :P (watch me not get laid after that one, hehe) ...

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1. Whenever possible,

please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

This is so true for me, its a pet peeve of me.

Talk and ask all the questions you want during comerical break, but when the show comes back on, zip it.

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Hah!! Thats awesome & so very true. I guess it's funny cause a female posted it. It would not be funny, however, if a male posted it. Because then the guys would just nod.

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Originally posted by obsolete

Hah!! Thats awesome & so very true. I guess it's funny cause a female posted it. It would not be funny, however, if a male posted it. Because then the guys would just nod.

 

The females would also suddenly get very offended that we have rules :P

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oh we have rules...ours are too the point and usually don't change other than during particular sports seasons

 

women on the other hand, have only guidelines and those are constantly shifting like desert sands in a windstorm.

 

here's my only rule during hockey season:

 

1. dont talk to me while the puck is in play or about to be put into play

 

1a (if at a hockey game in person) dont talk to me while the puck is in play and dont you dare have to use the bathroom until the end of a period...and by god dont get up and try to get past me during play.

 

 

my rules during non-hockey season:

 

don't try to talk to me when im working/concentrating/thinking/watching a movie/through the bathroom door/when brushing my teeth and cant answer because of a mouthful of toothpaste

 

dont mash buttons (*aheM* momma knows EXACTLY what this one means...means during xbox gaming or pc gaming dont just mash buttons as you end up going right past a screen that mebbe HAS INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO ACTUALLY PLAY THE GAME)

 

dont invite your ugly female friends over (or loud friends or bossy friends or ignorant friends or sweaty, giant pig friends that forgot that water + soap + Right Guard = acceptable hygiene)

 

starbucks first thing, or death. take your pick. im open to suggestion but i honestly dont want to do prison time (they dont have a starbucks at the prison commissary)

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