Jump to content

revised! - Make Momma a Sig (aka "The Momma & Angry Show&q


Recommended Posts

Since I don't have one and i really want one but can't think of anything to put in a sig, i am opening this up to you creative geniuses to make me one. Nobody probably will but i thought it would be worth a shot to pass it off to someone else beside me. :D



Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

  • Replies 31
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

here we go...


sigh* lol


i have to explain this about every 30 days ;)


Momma = my gf, thats her tag. Its not my mother, or anything weird like that. Thats just the tag she likes to use online.


ooook...that being said....


Please allow the woman in your life to read this!!!!


if Momma can learn this stuff (she valiantly fights her brain like Homer Simpson does to NOT learn it lol), then you can.


most of us will tell you we didn't pick up the skills in a 3 day span like we would playing Unreal Tournament. Most of us learned by being naturally curious, and finding it EXTREMELY interesting.


If you dont like/not interested in what you are trying to learn, like anything, it becomes that much harder (remember pre-calc???).


here's Momma's trick to learning tech:


1. everything you dont understand is labled "-niner".




me - hey hon, i just ordered you a Radeon 9800Non-Pro 128MB...its gonna be great


momma - dot niner niner x niner


me - please dont make fun of me


momma - im not. im happy im getting a rad-niner point niner


me - grrrrrrr. you will like it


momma - whats so special about it?


me - it scores about 15k-20k on 3dmark2001 and about 5k-6k on 3dmark2003


momma - niner niner niner


me - grrrrrrrr. It also makes the FX5900 look weak in directX 9 apps


momma - so my niner will do niner in the niner program?


me (sighing) - yes, it will do good




or here's another example:


me - @^$#@@!#$ where the @$^@$#@ is my Corsair XMS 3200LL???


momma - your niner comma niner what?




momma - oh I saw it over in the thing


me - what thing?


momma - you know... the thing!


me - no, I dont know 'the thing'




me - oh this is why ppl kill their spouse or get divorced


momma - we aren't married


me - that doesn't mean you cannot be buried alive in the back yard


momma - we dont have a backyard idiot. we live in an apartment




momma - whatever i'd kill you first


me - how could you if i'd already killed you??? I dont understand woman logic!!!


momma - because. I'd kill you first.


me - can you please just tell me where my memory is


momma - i heard you talking about it to John last night, something about it being able to do niner in the doohicky at niner dot niner speeds.


me - please buy me a firearm for xmas


momma - you better not want no xp-niner niner 100 magnum niner gun


me - actually just buy me some rat poison so I may drink it please



my point? if you don't know what it means, just call it niner, and drive your man crazy (maybe we can start a 'plotting against the wife' club heh).


She does try to learn though, I will give her that. She knows the difference between the AGP card and the PCI card, even though she has no idea what AGP and PCI mean other than 'PCI = white slots, AGP = brown slots near the cpu'.


then we get a DFI board with pretty colored slots, THAT ARE NOT WHITE AT ALL, NOR BROWN...


momma - there are no agp or pci slots on this thing


me - yes there are, all motherboards have them


momma - but you told me they were always white and brown


me - but they aren't always THAT EXACT COLOR


momma - well thats not what you said


/4 minutes of arguing over what each of us said...we really need a voice recorder for these times/


momma - so you lied, PCI isnt ALWAYS white


me - ok. PCI slots always look like this (shows her a PCI slot and PCI card)


momma - so whats so big deal about AGP then?


me (without trying to explain exactly what AGP is because it will reset the entire conversation back to the beginning) - look at the slot...see the retainer tab at the back? now look at this AGP card...see the notches? PCI cards dont have these notches.


momma - ...


me - ok ok, VIDEO CARDS are AGP. It means FASTER GRAPHICS


momma - so what are PCI's?


me - stuff like network cards, modems, sound etc


momma - but you said my network and sound were built onto the board and required no cards


me - in some cases. Like my Intel board, it has an onboard gigalan...


momma - niner niner niner niner


me - ...and it has SATA + PATA + RAID


momma (holding her fingers in her ears) - NINER NINER NINER NINER


me - now do you understand?


momma - no. Are you hungry yet?




to make a long story short...she tries to be involved, and I have to say she's learning. BUT...beware the consequences in this one last excerpt from our lives:


me - unfortunately, your ISP is a known crappy one. If you switch to a local one or cable internet, your problem will go away. You are not the first customer with this internet provider and this problem.


customer - so other's have this problem then?


me - yes, i have a friend here who has same problem, and another customer in Wendell (a town) with same exact issues.


momma - no she has Earthlink


me (giving her the SHUT THE ₪₪₪₪ UP look) - no, she has this ISP


momma - no remember, i went with you to that customers place. She has Earthlink.


me - you dont remember what movie we rented two days ago, how could you possibly know this about a 'niner' ?


momma - because she had pretty art on her walls and a nice bedroom


me - what???


momma - yes, so I remember. She has Earthlink


me - NO SHE DOES NOT. (to my customer) ANYWAY, you are the third or fourth customer to have this problem with this internet.


momma - im telling you she has earthlink!'


me - (ignoring momma) ok and you still want this GeForce3 video card right? Its a damn good card, not top of the line, but still good.


momma - that one? that one that you said sucked and wouldn't run UT2003 very well?


me - (under my breath) im gonna hurt you when this customer leaves


customer - so this isnt a good card? I dont think I want it.


me - ITS A GOOD CARD!!! man i will plug it in and show you right now!


momma - i remember you saying that it was a real piece of crap hon.


me - no no that was the other card


momma - no it was that one




momma - because its purple and gold. I remember purple and gold niner is crap because you ranted about it for an hour.


me - no, you are incorrect. PLEASE SHUT UP while I take care of my customer


momma - I was just trying to help


customer - i dont think I want that one




hrmmm....she and I could have a damn comedy routine. Its like good-cop bad-cop with us. She has this strange ability to blurt out the ENTIRELY WRONG THING while I am with a customer. Or we have to leave the customer alone for 3-5 minutes to go argue in another room over 'WHO IS THE COMPUTER EXPERT HERE WOMAN???'


Remember, what you dont understand is a "niner". And when you are backed into a corner being questioned about what you have learned, always change the subject or make a ridiculous statement like "she has 256MB of memory I remember because she has that beautiful grandfather clock in her living room".





Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

from slavik

AG, I'm trying to imagine the scenes ... all I gotta say is that you two defy all theories in psychology (u 2 are still somewhat sane) ...


if u really want her to learn something, slow down the learning process ...


if it got any slower, i would be dead and she would be in a wheelchair lol


i did get her interested in computer gaming and vid gaming in general and that has led to some interest as to why i do the things I do. Especially when i start her off with a crappy 500Mhz machine that BARELY plays a game she really likes...that leads to these kinds of discussions:


momma - why does this stutter so much


me - because it is only 500Mhz


momma - so i need more megahertz?


me - well, and a new video card, which leads to more RAM, better sound, bigger power supply...




me - well you asked


momma - cant you ever speak english one time to me?


me - ¡para jugar noches del neverwinter usted tiene que aumentar su máquina!


momma - divorce can happen the instant the lawyer gets to his office


me - but we arent even married


momma - doesn't matter, i'll still get half of everything


me - oh great, half of everything and you dont understand even 2% of what it is


momma - remember we have a gun in the house too


me -

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Momma gave me nice big frown on a few of these that i thought were funny and she did not


me - hahaha this one is great!


momma - dont try that one on me


me - er...maybe i shouldnt have showed you this


momma - maybe i shouldnt have went out with you


me -


momma -

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

here's a clip from todays show:


momma - valentines day is tomorrow


me - and?




me - so what do you want?


momma - im not telling you what i want!


me - why not?


momma - then its not a surprise!


me - i hate surprises


momma - but this isnt about you


me - oh...well, what do you want?




me - i think i'll get you that new Radeon 9800XT


momma - I DONT WANT NO @#$%@#[email protected] VIDEO CARD!


me - oh, well then ill get the vid card for me, and the RAM for you




me - well then what do you want?


momma - you should know me by now enough to know what I would like


me - we can't afford no Lexus


momma - try something smaller that we CAN afford


me - those XT's have come down in price


momma - if you mention computer parts one more time, i will Lorenna Bobbit you at night


me - hahahah I already dont sleep so neener neener


momma - you have to sleep sometime


me - i'll just crack you with a bat to the skull before i sleep so i know i will wake up before you


momma - i can call the locksmith


me - you want new keys???? what kind of stupid present is that?


momma - oh you have no idea what a great present it will be


me - then WHY did you bother to hint to me what you wanted if you just going to buy it yourself???


actually this scenario plays out a few times a year, with ALWAYS the same results, nearly always the same exact dialogue...birthdays...christmas...valentines...anniversary...


i dont get it...whats so wrong with computer parts??? coming from me, that should say I LOVE YOU BABY! in giant exclamatory letters!!!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

>>>>to make a long story short...she tries to be involved, and I have to say she's learning. BUT...beware the consequences in this one last excerpt from our lives:



No no no.... you go all about it ALL wrong.... You do pretty good with the laymans terms at teh start, but then you accidently use the "big words" ;)


for EG. Why AGP over PCI? Just say its faster. :D WOrks great. SImplize things for people.


Such as:


momma - but you said my network and sound were built onto the board and required no cards


She asks why. You say:


me - in some cases. Like my Intel board, it has an onboard gigalan..


WHat it SHOULD have been:


It was eventualy found out that you could build it onto the board, but some companys dont use the capabilitys all the time.


:D Problem solved.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in

Sign In Now

  • Create New...