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momma

revised! - Make Momma a Sig (aka "The Momma & Angry Show&q

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Since I don't have one and i really want one but can't think of anything to put in a sig, i am opening this up to you creative geniuses to make me one. Nobody probably will but i thought it would be worth a shot to pass it off to someone else beside me. :D

 

barbie-computer.gif

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mommasig1jpg.jpg

 

 

Hows that for a Prototype? It does NOT meet the sig REQ's for the forum yet, being a prototype and all ;)

 

If you give sys specs I can add that in, change the layout, etc. Im using photoshop, but im not that great with it ;)

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here we go...

 

sigh* lol

 

i have to explain this about every 30 days ;)

 

Momma = my gf, thats her tag. Its not my mother, or anything weird like that. Thats just the tag she likes to use online.

 

ooook...that being said....

 

Please allow the woman in your life to read this!!!!

 

if Momma can learn this stuff (she valiantly fights her brain like Homer Simpson does to NOT learn it lol), then you can.

 

most of us will tell you we didn't pick up the skills in a 3 day span like we would playing Unreal Tournament. Most of us learned by being naturally curious, and finding it EXTREMELY interesting.

 

If you dont like/not interested in what you are trying to learn, like anything, it becomes that much harder (remember pre-calc???).

 

here's Momma's trick to learning tech:

 

1. everything you dont understand is labled "-niner".

 

example:

 

me - hey hon, i just ordered you a Radeon 9800Non-Pro 128MB...its gonna be great

 

momma - dot niner niner x niner

 

me - please dont make fun of me

 

momma - im not. im happy im getting a rad-niner point niner

 

me - grrrrrrr. you will like it

 

momma - whats so special about it?

 

me - it scores about 15k-20k on 3dmark2001 and about 5k-6k on 3dmark2003

 

momma - niner niner niner

 

me - grrrrrrrr. It also makes the FX5900 look weak in directX 9 apps

 

momma - so my niner will do niner in the niner program?

 

me (sighing) - yes, it will do good

 

 

 

or here's another example:

 

me - @^$#@@!#$ where the @$^@$#@ is my Corsair XMS 3200LL???

 

momma - your niner comma niner what?

 

me - THE BLACK RAM THAT HAS THE LITTLE HOLOGRAM STICKER ON IT

 

momma - oh I saw it over in the thing

 

me - what thing?

 

momma - you know... the thing!

 

me - no, I dont know 'the thing'

 

momma - THAT NINER DOT NINER THINGY

 

me - oh this is why ppl kill their spouse or get divorced

 

momma - we aren't married

 

me - that doesn't mean you cannot be buried alive in the back yard

 

momma - we dont have a backyard idiot. we live in an apartment

 

me - SO ILL BURY YOU IN STYROFOAM PEANUTS IN THE DESERT

 

momma - whatever i'd kill you first

 

me - how could you if i'd already killed you??? I dont understand woman logic!!!

 

momma - because. I'd kill you first.

 

me - can you please just tell me where my memory is

 

momma - i heard you talking about it to John last night, something about it being able to do niner in the doohicky at niner dot niner speeds.

 

me - please buy me a firearm for xmas

 

momma - you better not want no xp-niner niner 100 magnum niner gun

 

me - actually just buy me some rat poison so I may drink it please

 

 

my point? if you don't know what it means, just call it niner, and drive your man crazy (maybe we can start a 'plotting against the wife' club heh).

 

She does try to learn though, I will give her that. She knows the difference between the AGP card and the PCI card, even though she has no idea what AGP and PCI mean other than 'PCI = white slots, AGP = brown slots near the cpu'.

 

then we get a DFI board with pretty colored slots, THAT ARE NOT WHITE AT ALL, NOR BROWN...

 

momma - there are no agp or pci slots on this thing

 

me - yes there are, all motherboards have them

 

momma - but you told me they were always white and brown

 

me - but they aren't always THAT EXACT COLOR

 

momma - well thats not what you said

 

/4 minutes of arguing over what each of us said...we really need a voice recorder for these times/

 

momma - so you lied, PCI isnt ALWAYS white

 

me - ok. PCI slots always look like this (shows her a PCI slot and PCI card)

 

momma - so whats so big deal about AGP then?

 

me (without trying to explain exactly what AGP is because it will reset the entire conversation back to the beginning) - look at the slot...see the retainer tab at the back? now look at this AGP card...see the notches? PCI cards dont have these notches.

 

momma - ...

 

me - ok ok, VIDEO CARDS are AGP. It means FASTER GRAPHICS

 

momma - so what are PCI's?

 

me - stuff like network cards, modems, sound etc

 

momma - but you said my network and sound were built onto the board and required no cards

 

me - in some cases. Like my Intel board, it has an onboard gigalan...

 

momma - niner niner niner niner

 

me - ...and it has SATA + PATA + RAID

 

momma (holding her fingers in her ears) - NINER NINER NINER NINER

 

me - now do you understand?

 

momma - no. Are you hungry yet?

 

 

 

to make a long story short...she tries to be involved, and I have to say she's learning. BUT...beware the consequences in this one last excerpt from our lives:

 

me - unfortunately, your ISP is a known crappy one. If you switch to a local one or cable internet, your problem will go away. You are not the first customer with this internet provider and this problem.

 

customer - so other's have this problem then?

 

me - yes, i have a friend here who has same problem, and another customer in Wendell (a town) with same exact issues.

 

momma - no she has Earthlink

 

me (giving her the SHUT THE ₪₪₪₪ UP look) - no, she has this ISP

 

momma - no remember, i went with you to that customers place. She has Earthlink.

 

me - you dont remember what movie we rented two days ago, how could you possibly know this about a 'niner' ?

 

momma - because she had pretty art on her walls and a nice bedroom

 

me - what???

 

momma - yes, so I remember. She has Earthlink

 

me - NO SHE DOES NOT. (to my customer) ANYWAY, you are the third or fourth customer to have this problem with this internet.

 

momma - im telling you she has earthlink!'

 

me - (ignoring momma) ok and you still want this GeForce3 video card right? Its a damn good card, not top of the line, but still good.

 

momma - that one? that one that you said sucked and wouldn't run UT2003 very well?

 

me - (under my breath) im gonna hurt you when this customer leaves

 

customer - so this isnt a good card? I dont think I want it.

 

me - ITS A GOOD CARD!!! man i will plug it in and show you right now!

 

momma - i remember you saying that it was a real piece of crap hon.

 

me - no no that was the other card

 

momma - no it was that one

 

me - HOW COULD YOU KNOW ITS THIS CARD??? EVERYTHING IS NINER TO YOU!!!

 

momma - because its purple and gold. I remember purple and gold niner is crap because you ranted about it for an hour.

 

me - no, you are incorrect. PLEASE SHUT UP while I take care of my customer

 

momma - I was just trying to help

 

customer - i dont think I want that one

 

===============================================================

 

hrmmm....she and I could have a damn comedy routine. Its like good-cop bad-cop with us. She has this strange ability to blurt out the ENTIRELY WRONG THING while I am with a customer. Or we have to leave the customer alone for 3-5 minutes to go argue in another room over 'WHO IS THE COMPUTER EXPERT HERE WOMAN???'

 

Remember, what you dont understand is a "niner". And when you are backed into a corner being questioned about what you have learned, always change the subject or make a ridiculous statement like "she has 256MB of memory I remember because she has that beautiful grandfather clock in her living room".

 

heh.

 

Travis

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from slavik

AG, I'm trying to imagine the scenes ... all I gotta say is that you two defy all theories in psychology (u 2 are still somewhat sane) ...

 

if u really want her to learn something, slow down the learning process ...

 

if it got any slower, i would be dead and she would be in a wheelchair lol

 

i did get her interested in computer gaming and vid gaming in general and that has led to some interest as to why i do the things I do. Especially when i start her off with a crappy 500Mhz machine that BARELY plays a game she really likes...that leads to these kinds of discussions:

 

momma - why does this stutter so much

 

me - because it is only 500Mhz

 

momma - so i need more megahertz?

 

me - well, and a new video card, which leads to more RAM, better sound, bigger power supply...

 

momma - (plugging ears) AAAAAARGH I JUST WANT TO PLAY NEVERWINTER NIGHTS!!!

 

me - well you asked

 

momma - cant you ever speak english one time to me?

 

me - ¡para jugar noches del neverwinter usted tiene que aumentar su máquina!

 

momma - divorce can happen the instant the lawyer gets to his office

 

me - but we arent even married

 

momma - doesn't matter, i'll still get half of everything

 

me - oh great, half of everything and you dont understand even 2% of what it is

 

momma - remember we have a gun in the house too

 

me -

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Momma gave me nice big frown on a few of these that i thought were funny and she did not

 

me - hahaha this one is great!

 

momma - dont try that one on me

 

me - er...maybe i shouldnt have showed you this

 

momma - maybe i shouldnt have went out with you

 

me -

 

momma -

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here's a clip from todays show:

 

momma - valentines day is tomorrow

 

me - and?

 

momma - VALENTINES DAY IS TOMORROW

 

me - so what do you want?

 

momma - im not telling you what i want!

 

me - why not?

 

momma - then its not a surprise!

 

me - i hate surprises

 

momma - but this isnt about you

 

me - oh...well, what do you want?

 

momma - SURPRISE ME

 

me - i think i'll get you that new Radeon 9800XT

 

momma - I DONT WANT NO @#$%@#[email protected] VIDEO CARD!

 

me - oh, well then ill get the vid card for me, and the RAM for you

 

momma - I DONT WANT COMPUTER PARTS

 

me - well then what do you want?

 

momma - you should know me by now enough to know what I would like

 

me - we can't afford no Lexus

 

momma - try something smaller that we CAN afford

 

me - those XT's have come down in price

 

momma - if you mention computer parts one more time, i will Lorenna Bobbit you at night

 

me - hahahah I already dont sleep so neener neener

 

momma - you have to sleep sometime

 

me - i'll just crack you with a bat to the skull before i sleep so i know i will wake up before you

 

momma - i can call the locksmith

 

me - you want new keys???? what kind of stupid present is that?

 

momma - oh you have no idea what a great present it will be

 

me - then WHY did you bother to hint to me what you wanted if you just going to buy it yourself???

 

actually this scenario plays out a few times a year, with ALWAYS the same results, nearly always the same exact dialogue...birthdays...christmas...valentines...anniversary...

 

i dont get it...whats so wrong with computer parts??? coming from me, that should say I LOVE YOU BABY! in giant exclamatory letters!!!

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>>>>to make a long story short...she tries to be involved, and I have to say she's learning. BUT...beware the consequences in this one last excerpt from our lives:

 

 

No no no.... you go all about it ALL wrong.... You do pretty good with the laymans terms at teh start, but then you accidently use the "big words" ;)

 

for EG. Why AGP over PCI? Just say its faster. :D WOrks great. SImplize things for people.

 

Such as:

 

momma - but you said my network and sound were built onto the board and required no cards

 

She asks why. You say:

 

me - in some cases. Like my Intel board, it has an onboard gigalan..

 

WHat it SHOULD have been:

 

It was eventualy found out that you could build it onto the board, but some companys dont use the capabilitys all the time.

 

:D Problem solved.

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