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A Bit Of Humor... Or Horror.


d3bruts1d

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Came across this in the Shadowbane Beta forums... thought I'd share it with you all:

 

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how

legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one

occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was

too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury

and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could

think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident

occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute

little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem, but one

morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast, when I heard my wife,

Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is

dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested

through the shower(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!"

she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

 

 

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement

about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched

down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the

last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without

respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me

into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully

at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised

around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink.

 

At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I

unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost

all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising

upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten

hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with

a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the

"flight" option.

 

Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the

impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics

stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife,

the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while

suppressing hysterical laughter.

 

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.

I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known.

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I hate cats. Especially Shaggy's his cat is demon incarnite! Im not kidding!

 

"Hey kittie"

RAWWRRWWS FTTF FTT ::jumps at ronin's head and rips out jugular

 

STupid cat, its attacked me so many times and always claws at me and hisses. I HATE THAT CAT!~

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