Anybody Want To Do Some Proofreading?

[Kamikaze_Badger]

Essay I'm writing for school. Could somebody proofread it? This is the final draft. Wrote it by myself, Cam worked on various other stuff, such as the PowerPoint.

[henbenley]

personally i think that you should do your own homework. but if you cant proofread it yourself you should get your parents or sibligns to do it for you.

[anthony]

I havn't read it in depth, but your essay shouldnt start with "This Essay was compiled with the goal of examining the well known event of the " < this isnt really a great intorduction.

 

Also , your conclusion should never start with "From this essay, we can conclude that the Gold Rush was both a time of new life, "

 

Also, you need to work on paragraph structure. An essay should be written as a formal piece, meaning you have an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have an introduction sentence explaining the idea of the paragraph and supports to hold the idea. The conclusion should sum it all up, and hint the idea of the next paragraph.

[GameGuru1]

The essay is ok, but lacks proper structure. I don't know if there are requirements for this essay, but you really can't beat the good 'ole MLA style.

[evanin]

I didnt read the whole essay but what from roadkill said, sounds like you need serious help. For example a 5 paragraph essay should be basicly:

 

I. Introduction

a. Include Thesis

b. brief explanation of each body in order

II. Body 1

III. Body 2

IV. Body 3

V. Conclusion

a. restate thesis

[GameGuru1]

I. Introduction

  a. Include Thesis

  b. brief explanation of each body in order

II. Body 1

III. Body 2

IV. Body 3

V. Conclusion

  a. restate thesis

473294[/snapback]

 

^ = Exactly what I was referring to.

[martymcfly]

You have absolutely no sentence or paragraph structure. a paragrapoh should be like an essay within itself

Introduction-point of sentence

Supporting sentences-relevent (and agreeing with) intro

conclusion - summation of paragraph (can paraphrase intro; doesn't need to be transition)

I always try to have my paragraphs at least 4 sentences long (big at least!)

 

also, your bibliography needs to be properly structured. try easybib.com if you have trouble.

 

 

attached are 2 papers of mine that (I think) have good structure.

[fire_storm]

Its read able but not really in eassy form.

 

Also make sure you site your sources if you have to.

 

My school uses www.turnitin.org and it detects plagersim and work well at doing it too.

 

http://www.turnitin.org/static/home.html?s...ea8597c353ddd03

[BiPolar]

if you've proofed it a couple of times, and checked spelling, let me know, and i'll be happy to give it a read-through.

 

when is it due?

[MasterRex862]

OMFG.. I hatez teh essays. I had a college professor in 7th grade that required 10 sentences per paragraph TO PASS the essay. Sounds good. Work on an intro though. Use an exclamatory statement or a fact or a question or a quotre or something like that. ( Can't remeber all of them. ) DO NOT end with this essa was about... that ending type sux nuts I couldn't get away with that in the 4th grade. ( Still can't, dangit. ) lol...

 

I think he deserves some respect; he is cleary just trying to get a li'll help.