Stupid People And Tech Support

[Kash]

Found some funny tech support bloopers, thought I'd share them with you guys. Maybe get out a chuckle or two.

 

* Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

* Customer: "Ok."

* Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

* Customer: "No."

* Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

* Customer: "No."

* Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

* Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

 

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

 

* Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

* Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

 

 

# Customer: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet."

# Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"

# Customer: "Netscape."

# Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?"

# Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?"

# Tech Support: "No, Right click on 'My Computer,' and select properties on the menu."

# Customer: "Your computer? It's my computer!"

# Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called 'My Computer' on your desktop."

# Customer: "I don't see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen."

# Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu."

# Customer: "Right click?"

# Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH."

 

 

# Tech Support: "Ok, sir, please click on the 'gateway' tab."

# Customer "You do know I have a Dell, right?"

 

 

The lady was using a power strip to plug her computer and other devices into. Windows was completely frozen, and she was unable to shut down the machine by using the power button. She mentioned the power strip, so I told her to flip it off. She said, "Ok, I gave it the finger. I feel better."

 

 

I was showing a new user how to change her password. She was typing the new one in slowly and said to me, "I hope you're not reading my password." I replied that I was the system administrator and didn't need her password. She replied, "That's good to know. I wouldn't want you accessing my stuff."

 

 

I work in a computer lab for the business school of a large university. While most students have their own login name for our network, some students that rarely use the lab can use a generic student login that does not require a password. One such student came up to me at the help desk.

 

* Student: "I'm trying to log in as student and it's telling me 'access denied'."

* Me: "Did you read the instructions posted on the front desk?"

* Student: "Yes, and it's still not working."

* Me: "Did you just type 'student' for the user name with no password?"

* Student: "Yes. Is 'no password' one word or two?"

 

 

I work for an ISP. After two calls totaling 45 minutes with one customer, I asked him to bring his computer, in and I would configure it myself. He was a bit skeptical, so I assured him that he did not have to bring in the whole computer, just the CPU -- no monitor, cables, mouse or keyboard, just the CPU. He was not sure which part was the CPU, so I told him, "Just bring in the box -- the part with the CD-ROM drive and floppy drive." I explained this twice. Later he arrived with the cardboard box that his computer came in. I asked him where the computer was, he replied, "I thought you just needed to look at the box to see what model it was."

 

 

One time I was trying to set up a customer's email program. I walked him through setting up an account with the incoming and outgoing server names set to "mail," but it didn't work. I tried again, and it still didn't work. I was starting to right out of ideas, and then the customer said, "If my mail server name is 'male,' does that mean my girlfriend's server is 'female'?"

 

 

# Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

# Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

# Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

# Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

# Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

# Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

# Customer: "What?"

# Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

# Customer "No..."

 

 

Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

 

 

# Customer: "I have a message on my screen that says: 'Disk Full'. What can that be?"

# Tech Support: "Maybe your disk is full."

# Customer: "Hmmm. OK."

 

 

# Customer: "The install fails half way through. I tried several times, and it always fails at the same point."

# Tech Support: "Did you see any kind of error message?"

# Customer: "Yes."

# Tech Support: "What did the error message say?"

# Customer: "It said, 'Please insert Disk 2.'"

# Tech Support: "Have you got another disk there?"

# Customer: "Yes."

# Tech Support: "Is it labelled 'Disk 2'?"

# Customer: "Yes, it is."

# Tech Support: "Insert that disk into the drive, and click 'OK'."

# Customer: "Wow, thanks! That's fixed it. It's installing now. What was it, a faulty disk or something?"

 

 

* Tech Support: "Ok, ma'am, I need you to do a ctrl-alt-del."

* Customer: "How do I do that?"

* Tech Support: "Push and hold 'ctrl' and 'alt' at the same time, and then hit 'delete'."

* Customer: "Where are those?"

* Tech Support: (explains the location of the keys)

* Customer: "Nothing happened."

* Tech Support: "Try again."

* Customer: "Still nothing."

 

A minute or two later....

 

* Customer: "Should I turn my computer on? Would that help?"

* Tech Support: "Yeah, it might."

 

 

A user trying to install new software:

 

* Customer: "I'm having a problem here. Do I put the serial number in the box that says 'serial number,' or do I put it in the box that says 'company'?"

 

 

# Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"

# Customer: "When I change my font sizes, the letters change size."

 

 

Once I overheard the guy in the tech support cubicle next to mine patiently explain:

 

* Tech Support: "No, sir...clicking on 'Remember Password' will NOT help you remember your password."

 

 

# Tech Support: "Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?"

# Customer: "Yes."

# Tech Support: "All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?"

# Customer: "How?"

# Tech Support: "Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer."

# Customer: "Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?"

# Tech Support: "Um yes, that might be an idea."

 

 

# Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

# Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

 

 

# Me: "You type 'win' to start up Windows 95."

# A Friend: (in awe) "How come you know all those commands by heart? Did you get a list of them somewhere?"

 

 

# Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"

# Customer: "A white one."

 

 

Once I went out on a service call to fix a customer's PC. My assistant handled the call and brought the PC in for repairs. A day later, I got a call from the customer. He said the computer wasn't working. I asked for more details, and he said the monitor was dead, and there was no picture on the screen.

 

After a few minutes of trying to figure out what was wrong, I called my assistant and asked what he did to the customer's computer. He said, "Nothing. I still have it right here."

 

 

The customer was using release 1 of Windows 95, and I was using Windows 98, so I had to ask her a question about what her Explorer window looked like.

 

* Tech Support: "Up at the top it says File, Edit, and View. What does it say just to the right of View?"

* Customer: "Edit."

* Tech Support: "No, to the right of View."

* Customer: "Edit."

* Tech Support: "Ok, what's on the other side of View?"

* Customer: "Oh, Tools."

 

 

# Customer: "I'm going to be using Windows NT. Should I get the Server or Workstation version?"

# Tech Support: "Well, are you using it as a workstation or as a server?"

# Customer: "A server. So, which one do I get?"

# Tech Support: "The server version perhaps?"

# Customer: "Which one is that?"

# Tech Support: "Windows NT Server."

# Customer: "Ok, thanks."

 

 

# Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

# Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

# Customer: "I can't open the box."

# Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."

# Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

 

 

# Tech Support: "Click on the computer icon on the left side of the screen."

# Customer: "Is that your left or my left?"

 

 

# Tech Support: "Hello, help desk."

# Customer: "I've just installed PacerLink and it's not working."

# Tech Support: "What does the screen say?"

# Customer: "'PacerLink is acting as a VT220 terminal. Press Alt-D to dial, or Enter to continue.'"

# Tech Support: "And what happens when you press Alt-D?"

# Customer: "Oh...thank you."

 

 

Customer: "It just comes up with a message and says, 'Click OK.' Now what?"

 

 

Once I was walking a gentleman through the steps to do something -- I don't even remember what -- and when we finished, a dialog box appeared. It offered to do what we wanted it to and had a single button -- the OK button.

 

He sat there for a minute and then, frustrated, asked me what he had to do next.

 

"Tell the computer 'OK,'" I said.

 

He leaned forward and said in a loud but clear voice, "OK!"

 

 

* Tech Support: "Can I help you?"

* Customer: "Let's get something straight right away. I'm a Mac tech, so I know what the hell I'm doing."

* Tech Support: "Ok."

 

This caller needed to reinstall fonts; we started the install, and a couple of minutes later...

 

* Customer: "Uh...it's telling me I have to insert disk 2. What do I do?"

* Tech Support: "Um...insert disk 2?"

* Customer: "Ok."

 

 

# Tech Support: "What seems to be the trouble?"

# Customer: "Well, my monitor is going out. Does that have anything to do with my hard drive?"

 

 

# Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

# Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."

# Customer: "What is that?"

# Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

# Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

 

 

# Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer."

# Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) "No, that didn't help."

 

 

Hope you guys enjoyed the rather lengthy post, but I think it'll be worth it (for some of you, at least)

[Desktop-pro]

lol.

 

there are alot of those on Computer Stupidities.

[Kash]

Yea, that's where I got most of them. I just thought I'd share the ones that I found particularly funny, especially considerin that whenever BigRed posts stuff like this, people always ask for more.

Edited January 25, 2005 by kashk5

[Compxpert]

Ok i got one more to add its not exact to it but how i remember it.

 

#Tech Support: Tech support how may I help you.

#Customer: Yes I can't install microsof word.

#Tech Support: Ok is there an error on the screen

#Customer: No i can't click anything

#Tech Support: Ahh I see ok just move your mouse and click.

#Customer: I can't

#Tech Support: Look for the ponter on the screen.

#Customer: There isnt a pointer.

#Tech Support: Well why not.

#Customer: The screens blank.

#Tech Support: Ahh now were getting somewhere. Ok check to see if your moniters plugged in.

#Customer: I can't

#Tech Support: Well reach for the cord can you do that.

#Customer: Yes

#Tech Support: Ok now find where it goes. Is it plugged in?

#Customer: Yes but the power is out.

#Tech Support: Ahhh now were getting somewhere. Ok do you still have the packageing your computer came in?

#Customer: Is it that bad.

#Tech Support: Im afraid it is.

#Customer: Ok its packed up.

#Tech Support: Ok now take it back to where you got it and tell them your too stupid to own a computer.

 

Note: This is a true story. I think either the tech support who was fired or the idiot filed a law suit.

[RadioActivated]

These are just do hilarious ! Good post

[bigred]

sad part is when this kinda stuff actually happens to YOU!!!!!

 

I've seen this stuff first hand

[Nerm]

some of those are old, but still funny. I have one from a customer that called in this morning.

 

Me: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A clone!

Me: A clone? What brand is it?

Customer: Aopen!

 

One from the other day...

 

Customer: My computer isn't working.

Me: Ok, what is the last thing you remember doing to it before it stopped working?

Customer: I cleaned the Hard Drive because it was making funny noises and I thought by cleaning the Hard Drive it would work better, but now it won't work at all.

Me: Explain to me step by step how you cleaned the Hard Drive.

Customer: First I took the side of the case off, removed the Hard Drive, took the cover off the Hard Drive, picked up my WD-40...

Me: You did what?

 

Well I think you got the idea lol.

[Ste]

i was crying with laughter for 5 minutes, god ppl are sooooo dumb. ya i can ask a stupid question, but its so i don't break notin.

[Silverfox]

sheesh, they are so stupid...

 

....reminds me of the time a customer asked about the footpedal not working...."that's the mouse sir"

 

 

on the flip side, tech support told my GF that her broadband wasnt working because her power supply (brand new 450w) wasnt "high speed".

[CheeseMan42]

those were hilarious. i got a few good laughs out of reading that

[Pyrthas]

Ok i got one more to add its not exact to it but how i remember it.

 

#Tech Support: Tech support how may I help you.

#Customer: Yes I can't install microsof word.

#Tech Support: Ok is there an error on the screen

#Customer: No i can't click anything

#Tech Support: Ahh I see ok just move your mouse and click.

#Customer: I can't

#Tech Support: Look for the ponter on the screen.

#Customer: There isnt a pointer.

#Tech Support: Well why not.

#Customer: The screens blank.

#Tech Support: Ahh now were getting somewhere. Ok check to see if your moniters plugged in.

#Customer: I can't

#Tech Support: Well reach for the cord can you do that.

#Customer: Yes

#Tech Support: Ok now find where it goes. Is it plugged in?

#Customer: Yes but the power is out.

#Tech Support: Ahhh now were getting somewhere. Ok do you still have the packageing your computer came in?

#Customer: Is it that bad.

#Tech Support: Im afraid it is.

#Customer: Ok its packed up.

#Tech Support: Ok now take it back to where you got it and tell them your too stupid to own a computer.

 

Note: This is a true story. I think either the tech support who was fired or the idiot filed a law suit.

403988[/snapback]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm

 

Most of it's true.

[suchuwato]

we have a couple of sweedish (i think they're sweedish <_<) exchange students at school who tried to change the language on the monitors to sweedish. The supposed 'tech support' woman shouted at them for ages explaining how it would change the language on the whole network and how they'd mess up everyone's work. The same stupid woman banned me from the network for a while because i was looking at 'ebuyer.com' which to her meant EBAY!!!1!!1 (which is like uber-banned @ school)

grrr....