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aaron6581230

Happy Valentine's Day

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WarWeeny:

 

As someone who also feels a long term relationship isn't for him and has felt many of the same frustrations I have refined my stance on many things.

 

When it comes to friends you can't always expect them to be there for you.  It's just not going to happen.  They are going to let you down.  Just like you are going to let them down.  On a basic level, ya you are using each other ...even if its just to stamp out your current boredom.  But what's wrong with that?  If both of you gain more than you lose and your friend makes you happy, tell me how/why it really truly honestly matters that you used each other to be happy?

 

There is absolutely no way you can live without "using" someone/thing.  Even if you move out in the wild and become a hermit in the woods, you would still be using mother nature to suit your needs.  "No man is an island."  Found that link when googling to see who the quote belonged to.

 

 

The goal shouldn't be to find someone who won't use you, but to find someone who complements (not praise, but balances) you.  For example, I have a friend in VA who felt the same way as you and she felt she had no "friends", everyone is a "colleague" that can't be trusted.  Even though I no longer live in D.C. we're still friends and share information only friends would share. :)   Another example... I have a good friend who moved in from Cali to use us for training.  He's trained in martial arts for many years and is quite adept but to take it to the next level he felt he needs to train with us - he says it all the time that is why he moved out here.  He's anti-social in many ways (he's never even been on a date) so in your definition a huge red flag to stay away from.  I call him a good friend because we share a lot of the same interests, a lot of the same view points on life and we flat out just get along.   It's a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one. 

 

It's not easy finding a true friend. I know a lot of people but would only call about 4-5 friends.  There are people I hang out with more so than my friends but it doesn't mean I would say they're my friend.   Out loud I will call them a friend because that is social etiquette but I wouldn't put the same trust in them I would a friend or go to the same lengths that I would for a friend.  It's always best to keep people at a distance but you should never be closed off.   I really like the Yin Yang philosophy.  You cannot have good without bad.  You can't always be soft or always hard.  There has to be a balance.  If you think of friendships/relationships as Take only, sure they are gonna fail.  Some days it may feel like you are always giving, but if you found a true friendship some days it may feel you are the one doing all the taking.   When it feels balanced out you probably found yourself a true no kidding friend - hang onto them!

 

thats all nice and stuff but if all 5 ''true friends'' abandon you, you see things differently,

experience in this kind of thing is the key here and in my case it was nothing special to begin with.

 

i had a friend who i knew 15 years and were really close, and nothing could stand in our way but once i move 50km (35~miles which is nothing) from home because i was going to live on my own they didnt contact me on how i was doing or anything and then eventually never hear from them again, it makes you see things differently.

 

this was just 1 out of 5 friends who did this to me and well, that changes alot on who you are and who you are going to trust or not.

hell even my father did this to me and it makes you a different person if you have experience alot on a short amount of time.

 

thats just how it is and i base my view on things based on my experience, like everyone else does.

mine was more negative then others but then you can see how people truly are, if you dont want to see it, thats good for you, but the harder you will fall once that times comes that someone betrayes you, it will happen, you only dont know when that will be. but when it is that time, you will realise that my view on life and people isnt all that bad and that in the end i was right on how to view people for who they really are.

 

Tell me something bud, if i pick up a crate of eggs at the store and find a few cracked ones in it. Do i assume that the others are going to crack the second i close my eyes, or do i recognize that stuff happens and discount those few broken eggs. Same way with people, i meet a few jerks, should i automatically assume that everyone is a jerk? And when you think of the size of the egg crate in question(the world) even a few hundred bad eggs is not a fair representation of the crate-full.

Maybe an example that would hit closer to home, your a graphic designer of some sort ain't you? What if i went through all the work you ever did and found the worst piece of junk you ever made, and then advertised for you with it, billed it as your portfolio piece or whatever. That would give a real bad impression huh? Even though we both knew you could do a lot better, but unfortunately all those people who i showed the piece to would come away thinking that you were a worthless artist. Same way with people, just cause you seem to meet all uncaring jerks doesn't mean that the human race as a whole is made up of uncaring jerks.

 

Oh and on 3 ^ even if you don't plan on getting kids you can't make me believe you don't ever want to 'get some'. lol

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thats all nice and stuff but if all 5 ''true friends'' abandon you, you see things differently,

experience in this kind of thing is the key here and in my case it was nothing special to begin with.

 

i had a friend who i knew 15 years and were really close, and nothing could stand in our way but once i move 50km (35~miles which is nothing) from home because i was going to live on my own they didnt contact me on how i was doing or anything and then eventually never hear from them again, it makes you see things differently.

 

this was just 1 out of 5 friends who did this to me and well, that changes alot on who you are and who you are going to trust or not.

hell even my father did this to me and it makes you a different person if you have experience alot on a short amount of time.

 

thats just how it is and i base my view on things based on my experience, like everyone else does.

mine was more negative then others but then you can see how people truly are, if you dont want to see it, thats good for you, but the harder you will fall once that times comes that someone betrayes you, it will happen, you only dont know when that will be. but when it is that time, you will realise that my view on life and people isnt all that bad and that in the end i was right on how to view people for who they really are.

 

 

You really must be secluded from society if you think you are the only one to suffer the loss of friends.   Unless someone is completely isolated from people they will suffer everything you just described.    We all lose friends.   We all know someone who is truly special in our life that we think we will be sitting next to in the old folks home, and yet they move on without us.  They take a different path and we get left wondering why and what we did wrong.

 

Sometimes we meet the wrong people but many times people just grow apart.   Times change, distances (as you pointed out) get farther or people feel they need to focus on a different path to obtain the goals they set out for themselves.  Sometimes people are extremely sensitive.  I heard of people dumping their friends (or girlfriends) because they didn't think they were sensitive/attentive enough when they were going through a rough spot in their life.  I have a friend who gave up on some friends because she felt some didn't care when she lost her dog.   For many people a dog is simply a dog.   For her the dog was her true best friend when she was moving around the world and had no one else.   The more you trust someone the more sensitive you are to how they act (or don't) because your expectations are higher.  And sometimes we hold our friends to really high expectations.

 

So there are many reasons why friends may grow apart and sadly most people will never tell you to your face why that is.  Most people do not like confrontation.   So in your case its hard to say why your friend never contacted you back.   I have lost good friends and I still don't know why.   Though I have also learned the hard way that friendships (and relationships) take work.   So if both of you were sitting in your apartments/homes waiting for each other to call that would be a shame.

 

More simplistically speaking, many people that we think our are friends really aren't and yet sometimes when we think they failed us it is us who failed them.  That is why they say trust is hard to earn... but easy to lose.   That is why I said you should keep everyone at a distance.  As time goes on you will test your buddy to see if he/she is a friend and they will do the same.   If you say something that irks them, they may not let you close that distance.  But if you get along you will both slowly close the distance, you will trust them a bit more and they will trust you a bit more.  The more you trust someone the more your heart is exposed to them.  Because of this sometimes you get burned.  It may not be fun, it may just down right F'ing suck, but you will always learn something from it.  Though you went to the extreme ...and I'm not a fan extremes, they're rarely good.  Balance.   I figure if the universe is constantly striving for balance then there must be something to it because it is far older and more knowledgeable than I am and ever will be.   Learn but don't close yourself off.  If it makes you gun shy in trusting someone again, understandable, but giving up on friendships altogether isn't the answer.

 

 

If you truly think you are alone in being hurt by friends, let me tell you why I believe my ability to judge people on the fly is my greatest ability.  I can litterally tell if I am going to like someone, feel they will be trouble to myself or someone else, or even guess their personality type before they say a word.  Once they speak it usually confirms my belief.  If it doesn't confirm my belief I really keep that person at a distance because they clearly confuse me and that puts me in awkward territory.  I will be the first to say I'm not perfect and have been wrong on a couple people (more critical of them than I should have been) but my intuition has been right so many times its hard not to trust it.  The reason I have developed this ability is a self defense mechanism for all the times I been hurt before.  I was really naive (and probably still am to some degree) as a kid and people took advantage of that at every turn.  Those scars have done more damage than the ability has given back to me.  So don't for a second think you are the only one.  I may speak a good game on the forums but I have serious trust issues as well, but its because of those scars why I feel like I can talk about this subject.  Though as I said, we are not alone ...everyone here has suffered friends betraying them.  You just gotta move on after you learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

1 - if i am the only person who found out the true meaning of life, then i still would be here because others didnt found out yet.

 

2 - i am doing great so far and i have done it by myself

 

3 - i dont plan on getting kids, i am not destined to get kids, dont want to either, not only because my way of life and how i see things but also i hate kids lol.

even if they would be my own, i know i cant say that until i actually got one but the thought of having one is just not there.

 

 

I think what Speedcrazy is saying is that if you truly found the meaning of life you wouldn't be here talking to us right now.  Clearly you like you like to communicate with your fellow humans, you just have a severe case of The Hedgehog Dilemma.   You are using us to pass the time and you know what, we are ok with that! :D

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Wasn't paying much attention to the forums on Valentines Day so I never caught this thread. XD

I did the same thing I did every year, carry on doing whatever I normally do everyday! I've never had a gf on Valentines Day or had the desire to ask anyone out on that particular day.

 

thats all nice and stuff but if all 5 ''true friends'' abandon you, you see things differently,

experience in this kind of thing is the key here and in my case it was nothing special to begin with.

 

i had a friend who i knew 15 years and were really close, and nothing could stand in our way but once i move 50km (35~miles which is nothing) from home because i was going to live on my own they didnt contact me on how i was doing or anything and then eventually never hear from them again, it makes you see things differently.

 

this was just 1 out of 5 friends who did this to me and well, that changes alot on who you are and who you are going to trust or not.

hell even my father did this to me and it makes you a different person if you have experience alot on a short amount of time.

 

thats just how it is and i base my view on things based on my experience, like everyone else does.

mine was more negative then others but then you can see how people truly are, if you dont want to see it, thats good for you, but the harder you will fall once that times comes that someone betrayes you, it will happen, you only dont know when that will be. but when it is that time, you will realise that my view on life and people isnt all that bad and that in the end i was right on how to view people for who they really are.

 

 

You really must be secluded from society if you think you are the only one to suffer the loss of friends.   Unless someone is completely isolated from people they will suffer everything you just described.    We all lose friends.   We all know someone who is truly special in our life that we think we will be sitting next to in the old folks home, and yet they move on without us.  They take a different path and we get left wondering why and what we did wrong.

 

Sometimes we meet the wrong people but many times people just grow apart.   Times change, distances (as you pointed out) get farther or people feel they need to focus on a different path to obtain the goals they set out for themselves.  Sometimes people are extremely sensitive.  I heard of people dumping their friends (or girlfriends) because they didn't think they were sensitive/attentive enough when they were going through a rough spot in their life.  I have a friend who gave up on some friends because she felt some didn't care when she lost her dog.   For many people a dog is simply a dog.   For her the dog was her true best friend when she was moving around the world and had no one else.   The more you trust someone the more sensitive you are to how they act (or don't) because your expectations are higher.  And sometimes we hold our friends to really high expectations.

 

So there are many reasons why friends may grow apart and sadly most people will never tell you to your face why that is.  Most people do not like confrontation.   So in your case its hard to say why your friend never contacted you back.   I have lost good friends and I still don't know why.   Though I have also learned the hard way that friendships (and relationships) take work.   So if both of you were sitting in your apartments/homes waiting for each other to call that would be a shame.

 

More simplistically speaking, many people that we think our are friends really aren't and yet sometimes when we think they failed us it is us who failed them.  That is why they say trust is hard to earn... but easy to lose.   That is why I said you should keep everyone at a distance.  As time goes on you will test your buddy to see if he/she is a friend and they will do the same.   If you say something that irks them, they may not let you close that distance.  But if you get along you will both slowly close the distance, you will trust them a bit more and they will trust you a bit more.  The more you trust someone the more your heart is exposed to them.  Because of this sometimes you get burned.  It may not be fun, it may just down right F'ing suck, but you will always learn something from it.  Though you went to the extreme ...and I'm not a fan extremes, they're rarely good.  Balance.   I figure if the universe is constantly striving for balance then there must be something to it because it is far older and more knowledgeable than I am and ever will be.   Learn but don't close yourself off.  If it makes you gun shy in trusting someone again, understandable, but giving up on friendships altogether isn't the answer.

 

 

If you truly think you are alone in being hurt by friends, let me tell you why I believe my ability to judge people on the fly is my greatest ability.  I can litterally tell if I am going to like someone, feel they will be trouble to myself or someone else, or even guess their personality type before they say a word.  Once they speak it usually confirms my belief.  If it doesn't confirm my belief I really keep that person at a distance because they clearly confuse me and that puts me in awkward territory.  I will be the first to say I'm not perfect and have been wrong on a couple people (more critical of them than I should have been) but my intuition has been right so many times its hard not to trust it.  The reason I have developed this ability is a self defense mechanism for all the times I been hurt before.  I was really naive (and probably still am to some degree) as a kid and people took advantage of that at every turn.  Those scars have done more damage than the ability has given back to me.  So don't for a second think you are the only one.  I may speak a good game on the forums but I have serious trust issues as well, but its because of those scars why I feel like I can talk about this subject.  Though as I said, we are not alone ...everyone here has suffered friends betraying them.  You just gotta move on after you learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

1 - if i am the only person who found out the true meaning of life, then i still would be here because others didnt found out yet.

 

2 - i am doing great so far and i have done it by myself

 

3 - i dont plan on getting kids, i am not destined to get kids, dont want to either, not only because my way of life and how i see things but also i hate kids lol.

even if they would be my own, i know i cant say that until i actually got one but the thought of having one is just not there.

 

 

I think what Speedcrazy is saying is that if you truly found the meaning of life you wouldn't be here talking to us right now.  Clearly you like you like to communicate with your fellow humans, you just have a severe case of The Hedgehog Dilemma.   You are using us to pass the time and you know what, we are ok with that! :D

 

 

 

I read through all the posts on the thread and I gotta say Fogel you've got a good example right there.

 

@Warweeny No one person is completely the same, your view of the world isn't the same as everyone else's for obvious reasons.

nope, im right and other won't/can't see it ;D

 

this is just the denial phase, nothing is wrong with that.

everyone is like that at first, i have been through it too, until my mind was clear and i saw everything as clear as day.

 

its just a matter of time before everyone realises i am right ;)

You say your mind is clear and you see everything as clear as day. Your right and other people who don't see it like you do is just in a stage of denial and that it's just a matter of time before everyone realizes your right? Then there must be hundreds of thousands of other people out there who agree with your view of life. A large majority of the human population would be avoiding contact and relationships with other people. But that's not exactly what I see, shouldn't a lot of people realized this by now? What may seem clear to one person may not be clear to another.

 

It just seems what you believe to be true has set your views on life in stone. Be open minded look at things from different perspectives, don't come up with a conclusion on things with only your thoughts and experiences. Look at what other people have to say about the matter, you may catch one or two things that you missed or maybe even learn something that you normally wouldn't have known with your current life experiences. All in all though do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't have a negative effect on other people. Like the quote "Life is what you make it" it really is....

 

I am curious to what exactly you want to do with your life though, any goals?

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It was fun while it lasted. I had a nice Valentines Day with my wife of 10 years. Unfortunately, things are now over. I told her that relationships are really imaginary and friends, even lovers, will eventually part. She asked what brought this on. I told her I had read it on the internet. She replied that since it's on the internet it must be true. They can't put anything on the internet that isn't true. I don't even know what to do with the dog. She's just a puppy and doesn't understand that the love she feels for us is only temporary too.

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It was fun while it lasted. I had a nice Valentines Day with my wife of 10 years. Unfortunately, things are now over. I told her that relationships are really imaginary and friends, even lovers, will eventually part. She asked what brought this on. I told her I had read it on the internet. She replied that since it's on the internet it must be true. They can't put anything on the internet that isn't true. I don't even know what to do with the dog. She's just a puppy and doesn't understand that the love she feels for us is only temporary too.

Rofl :wallbash:

Seriously i fell out of my chair.

 

rofl smiley aint working...

Edited by SpeedCrazy

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It was fun while it lasted. I had a nice Valentines Day with my wife of 10 years. Unfortunately, things are now over. I told her that relationships are really imaginary and friends, even lovers, will eventually part. She asked what brought this on. I told her I had read it on the internet. She replied that since it's on the internet it must be true. They can't put anything on the internet that isn't true. I don't even know what to do with the dog. She's just a puppy and doesn't understand that the love she feels for us is only temporary too.

:lol: Awesome. :D

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It was fun while it lasted. I had a nice Valentines Day with my wife of 10 years. Unfortunately, things are now over. I told her that relationships are really imaginary and friends, even lovers, will eventually part. She asked what brought this on. I told her I had read it on the internet. She replied that since it's on the internet it must be true. They can't put anything on the internet that isn't true. I don't even know what to do with the dog. She's just a puppy and doesn't understand that the love she feels for us is only temporary too.

Haha nice twist. XD

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