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GabrielT

Guys I think I am losing it. Feel free to vent with me.

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School, work, life, rent, girlfriend, ADHD, and I just need to get away.

 

So school is school. I quite frankly can't believe I am passing my classes and feeling as stressed out as I am. I am losing my mind over how much of a load I have this semester. Economics is so hard, I want to pay attention and it actually is interesting to me but I can't focus and I am so frustrated. I don't want to fail another class I love.

 

Work, Pizza Hut pays crap money and gives me the most erratic hours but I can't find a real job and go to school. And people aren't tipping like they used to. I work with a bunch of pot heads and they seem to be so happy and laid back, it makes it hard to not start smoking again. I just know if I do I will lose what little progress I have made in school and I know that I only feel worse when I do.

 

Rent, seriously where the hell does my money go. I get paid, I pay rent and buy food and I work my butt off and I am broke. Always broke.

 

Girlfriend, I love her so much. I feel like I could spend my whole life with her and I plan to. I spend way too much time with her and I don't care. I found the one that makes me happy and I am sane with her. More sane rather. We are actually engaged but I can't afford a ring and I feel worthless.

 

I have ADHD and I hate the way ADHD meds make me feel but I think I really need them. Adderall works the best but it makes me cold and I don't feel like eating. It's speed. Ridilin, it kicks my butt like addy does but I can't focus as well. It makes me shake. The non stimulant ones just make me angry and I don't learn anything.

 

Getting away. I just can't do it. I tried freeing my mind but that really never works out like I want it to.

I am working on my motorcycle and I am almost done. I just want to blast around some rural roads and chase the horizon. It's not the same in a car, or rather a cage. I don't feel free in a car and I never have. I have been riding motorcycles since I was 10 and it's the only thing I can do and not need to think, I can just fly. It makes me happy.

Edited by gabrieltessin

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as hard as life gets, as insane and overly stressed it gets just remember keep moving forward no matter what. Keep your head high man and keep going forward no matter what life throws at you. :cheers:

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1st of all your not worthless your able to deal with all these hardships and still move forward. A large number of people just drop school and find a full time job.

 

Your keeping education in mind and moving on, tell your girlfriend about your situation. Theres always ways you could cut back on how much you pay for food, some are good some are bad.

If you can, try to get a job as a waiter at a good restaurant, I know people who get tipped alot. $200+ some days.

 

If you view life negatively it'll always be negative, you need to look at the positive things. Your in school, your passing all your classes, you have a job(there are a LOT of unemployed people out there), your with the love your of your life, and you have a place to live. Optimism can do wonders sometimes, now cheer up!

 

I hope all goes well for you eventually.

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And just to be as cliche as possible, "It's always darkest before the dawn." It'll work out in the end, man :cheers:

 

I tell everyone that it will always work out.

By the way, it is a real spirit lifter to see that I am still quoted in your sig.

 

1st of all your not worthless your able to deal with all these hardships and still move forward. A large number of people just drop school and find a full time job.

 

Your keeping education in mind and moving on, tell your girlfriend about your situation. Theres always ways you could cut back on how much you pay for food, some are good some are bad.

If you can, try to get a job as a waiter at a good restaurant, I know people who get tipped alot. $200+ some days.

 

If you view life negatively it'll always be negative, you need to look at the positive things. Your in school, your passing all your classes, you have a job(there are a LOT of unemployed people out there), your with the love your of your life, and you have a place to live. Optimism can do wonders sometimes, now cheer up!

 

I hope all goes well for you eventually.

 

I try possitive I really do but I am just so stressed out right now I am cracking. Thank you.

 

 

 

Thanks all of you. I am going to try to sleep now.

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I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with depression about 3 years ago, and was prescribed meds for it (Fluoxetine, generic Prozac), but I come from a family where NO ONE is allowed to have any kind of issue whatsoever. So, immediately after being prescribed the meds, my mother stopped allowing me to go see my doctors (including my therapist). I started getting more and more depressed and developing addictive behaviors. By the time I turned 18, I basically shut out my life by embedding myself into competitive video games and cutting myself. I stopped cutting exactly 1 year, 1 month, and 28 days ago (Yes, I keep track).

 

I was feeling a little better, over the past year or so, and thought I was starting to get past my depressed phase. However, as soon as this semester, I started noticing little things that hinted at it coming back. For example, it's currently 1:18 AM. I've been up since 6:30 AM, and I have no hint of fatigue. Of course, when I get up at 6:30 TOMORROW, I'm going to be exhausted, but I won't be able to fall asleep, nor will I fall asleep tomorrow night. I sleep about 2-3 hours per night on average now.

 

As a result, I've been too tired to bother going to my 9 AM class, which I've missed so many that I'm at an auto-fail. I am on Academic Probation, so I was only allowed 14 credits this semester. I can't drop the course I'm failing, because I won't be a full time student anymore. I can't keep the course, because I'll lose my financial aid if I don't make at least a 2.0 this semester (I'm doing terribly in my other 3 classes as well).

 

I also recently learned that I'm no longer allowed at my girlfriend's house, because her stepfather decided that he didn't like me. I haven't been over there in about 2 months, strictly because I haven't had the energy to go deal with 2 kids that are less than 11 years old, a mentally challenged 16 year old, and all of the bullcrap that goes along with that. I only found out today that I'm not welcome there anymore, after I helped them move into their new house, set up their wireless network, set up 3 laptops, 1 desktop, 1 entertainment center (Which they didn't realize hadn't been wired through the wall, which is why it wouldn't work). I also helped cut down a tree in their back yard. Single handedly removed every log that was cut from it and brought it to my job to be disposed of (I work at a plant nursery- we make mulch out of it). After all of that, I'm not allowed to go back. And I haven't even been given a reason other than "my stepfather doesn't want you there".

 

 

To throw in some more crap, my mother is going through something of a crisis. She's turning 50 next month, and is a single mother living in an apartment making $34,000/year. We have no money, and I hear about that every day of my life. I'm 19, have no license, no car, and am about to fail out of school.

 

Yep, I know how you feel.

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People can be stupid sometimes, Sh** goes down... Only thing you can do is endure and move on.

 

This economy isnt really getting any better is it?

Edited by My_Inner_Fred

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People can be stupid sometimes, . goes down... Only thing you can do is endure and move on.

 

This economy isnt really getting any better is it?

No. It's really not.

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I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with depression about 3 years ago, and was prescribed meds for it (Fluoxetine, generic Prozac), but I come from a family where NO ONE is allowed to have any kind of issue whatsoever. So, immediately after being prescribed the meds, my mother stopped allowing me to go see my doctors (including my therapist). I started getting more and more depressed and developing addictive behaviors. By the time I turned 18, I basically shut out my life by embedding myself into competitive video games and cutting myself. I stopped cutting exactly 1 year, 1 month, and 28 days ago (Yes, I keep track).

 

I was feeling a little better, over the past year or so, and thought I was starting to get past my depressed phase. However, as soon as this semester, I started noticing little things that hinted at it coming back. For example, it's currently 1:18 AM. I've been up since 6:30 AM, and I have no hint of fatigue. Of course, when I get up at 6:30 TOMORROW, I'm going to be exhausted, but I won't be able to fall asleep, nor will I fall asleep tomorrow night. I sleep about 2-3 hours per night on average now.

 

As a result, I've been too tired to bother going to my 9 AM class, which I've missed so many that I'm at an auto-fail. I am on Academic Probation, so I was only allowed 14 credits this semester. I can't drop the course I'm failing, because I won't be a full time student anymore. I can't keep the course, because I'll lose my financial aid if I don't make at least a 2.0 this semester (I'm doing terribly in my other 3 classes as well).

 

I also recently learned that I'm no longer allowed at my girlfriend's house, because her stepfather decided that he didn't like me. I haven't been over there in about 2 months, strictly because I haven't had the energy to go deal with 2 kids that are less than 11 years old, a mentally challenged 16 year old, and all of the bullcrap that goes along with that. I only found out today that I'm not welcome there anymore, after I helped them move into their new house, set up their wireless network, set up 3 laptops, 1 desktop, 1 entertainment center (Which they didn't realize hadn't been wired through the wall, which is why it wouldn't work). I also helped cut down a tree in their back yard. Single handedly removed every log that was cut from it and brought it to my job to be disposed of (I work at a plant nursery- we make mulch out of it). After all of that, I'm not allowed to go back. And I haven't even been given a reason other than "my stepfather doesn't want you there".

 

 

To throw in some more crap, my mother is going through something of a crisis. She's turning 50 next month, and is a single mother living in an apartment making $34,000/year. We have no money, and I hear about that every day of my life. I'm 19, have no license, no car, and am about to fail out of school.

 

Yep, I know how you feel.

 

Dude, I feel ya. I wont pretend to be in your shoes because I'm not but we walk a similar path.

 

Keep your chin up, I know depression and it runs deep in my family. You can beat it and when I say beat it I mean you have to straight up fight it until you win. Don't hurt yourself, if you have to see a doctor behind your moms back. You are old enough to do that. Get your meds, without the meds my girlfriend is not the same person and will hurt herself to feel better.

 

You said you had your addictions and I had mine. I want a cigarette so bad and I think I am going to look around my room until I find one.

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By the way, it is a real spirit lifter to see that I am still quoted in your sig.

 

Haha well, what can I say? I haven't seen anything as awesome as that in the time since you posted it. I have to update my sig a tad bit, but that's definitely staying right where it is. :biggrin:

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School, work, life, rent, girlfriend, ADHD, and I just need to get away.

 

So school is school. I quite frankly can't believe I am passing my classes and feeling as stressed out as I am. I am losing my mind over how much of a load I have this semester. Economics is so hard, I want to pay attention and it actually is interesting to me but I can't focus and I am so frustrated. I don't want to fail another class I love.

 

Work, Pizza Hut pays crap money and gives me the most erratic hours but I can't find a real job and go to school. And people aren't tipping like they used to. I work with a bunch of pot heads and they seem to be so happy and laid back, it makes it hard to not start smoking again. I just know if I do I will lose what little progress I have made in school and I know that I only feel worse when I do.

 

Rent, seriously where the hell does my money go. I get paid, I pay rent and buy food and I work my butt off and I am broke. Always broke.

 

Girlfriend, I love her so much. I feel like I could spend my whole life with her and I plan to. I spend way too much time with her and I don't care. I found the one that makes me happy and I am sane with her. More sane rather. We are actually engaged but I can't afford a ring and I feel worthless.

 

I have ADHD and I hate the way ADHD meds make me feel but I think I really need them. Adderall works the best but it makes me cold and I don't feel like eating. It's speed. Ridilin, it kicks my butt like addy does but I can't focus as well. It makes me shake. The non stimulant ones just make me angry and I don't learn anything.

 

Getting away. I just can't do it. I tried freeing my mind but that really never works out like I want it to.

I am working on my motorcycle and I am almost done. I just want to blast around some rural roads and chase the horizon. It's not the same in a car, or rather a cage. I don't feel free in a car and I never have. I have been riding motorcycles since I was 10 and it's the only thing I can do and not need to think, I can just fly. It makes me happy.

 

 

I don't know if this will help or not, but I will pass on something I have learned after the year my family and i have had. The industry I worked my tail off for a quarter century disappeared wit the economy, then at the ripe old age of 45 I went back to college full time , while trying to expand my custom computer business. Then a damn drunk driver nearly killed my wife, and we have been dealing with all the health issues as a result. Just my 2 cents worth here, but I would say to you....no matter what you are doing at any given moment, be the best "that" you can. If your driving a car...be the best driver you can be, if you are studying, be the best student ever, if you are with your girlfriend, be the best boyfriend ever. There are days I don't remember exactly how i got through the last semester with A's. but I when things are rough...a little compartmentalization can work wonders.

 

Good luck with everything. :)

Edited by red1776

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