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psycho_terror

Told my girlfriend something I probably shouldn't have

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The s3x with the prostitute was still with two consenting adults, correct? In Amsterdam, prostitution is legal, so it wasn't unlawful, right? As far as I'm concerned, you didn't do anything wrong, both morally and legally (unless the prostitute was part of a s3x trade thing). Her feelings about the situation is due to her upbringing, and you can't change that. She can either love you for who you are, or leave you for who you were, simple as that.

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It seems trust is not wanted these days. I learned this too. I tried being honest with my past GF's, all I got was a slap in the face and break ups. Being honest just isn't cool anymore. People rather like to hear lies that make them feel better than to hear the truth. :/

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why are you asking her for forgiveness...? its not like she was the Prostitute was she?

i guess it's not exactly forgiveness, more like acceptance. i suppose i'm starting to realise that's not something i should have to ask for.

 

All she needs to be concerned with is if you frequent Prostitutes now...and that you are being faithful....if she is hung up on your past she isnt the right girl for you man...trust us

well that's not the issue thankfully, she does trust me enough to not think i'm going to stray, and she's right to think that. i can see that you and others are suggesting that maybe this isn't going to work out and at this point i just can't/ don't want to see it like that, perhaps time will change that, it's the fact that she really wants to get over this that is keeping me hanging on. if it bothered her enough that she couldn't be with me then i'm sure she'd leave, which is another reason i want to get this out of the way as soon as i can. seems like if left intreated it's going to put an end to it one way or another.

 

maybe i am a fool, but i'm a fool in love! still, i am taking this onboard.

 

The s3x with the prostitute was still with two consenting adults, correct? In Amsterdam, prostitution is legal, so it wasn't unlawful, right? As far as I'm concerned, you didn't do anything wrong, both morally and legally (unless the prostitute was part of a s3x trade thing). Her feelings about the situation is due to her upbringing, and you can't change that. She can either love you for who you are, or leave you for who you were, simple as that.

she seems to be unshakable on the moral issue, in her eyes i don't know that the girl i was with wasn't part of some human trafficking thing and unfortunately she's right there. i like the last line, very poetic, but i'm afraid the two things may not be mutually exclusive!

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I used to be like Barney on the Show....How I met Your Mother...but havent we all...door knobs man door knobs

 

That means you used to be awesome!

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Well some people have strong believes when it comes to intimacy like some people believe in celibacy before marriage and won't even consider someone who has not practiced it no matter how good a person they are. Other people believe it should be shared between two people that like each other and the idea of paying for it is offensive.

 

This could be the case with your girlfriend not to offend you or anything but its possible before you told her she looked at you a certain way like a clean cut image or something and after you told her it shattered that image and know when she looks at you the thing you did could just keep coming up in her mind.

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This could be the case with your girlfriend not to offend you or anything but its possible before you told her she looked at you a certain way like a clean cut image or something and after you told her it shattered that image and now when she looks at you the thing you did could just keep coming up in her mind.

i take no offence because what you've said is definitely the case. sadly she cannot quite come to terms with the fact that it's possible for a 'good' person to do things that she perceives as bad. i'm pretty sure she sees that as the right way to think about this but just can't help but be disgusted by it.

 

not sure if anything is going to restore the image of me that she once had, perhaps that's what needs to be done?

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All I'm reading here is that you're clearly a little girl. Man up! Treat the prostitute situation just like any other sexual encounter, don't give it any extra significance.Men pay for . all the time! Whether it be actual money or through gifts to your girlfriend/wife.

 

You need to stop groveling at her feet and tell her to get over it. Constantly dwelling on it and begging for mercy makes you look pathetic in her eyes. You need to take control, tell her that you had . five years ago with some random woman and instead of going through the pretense of buying her dinner you just paid her cash instead, and that none of it has anything to do with your current relationship. You're not planning on visiting prostitutes again and since you're perfectly healthy there are no lingering effects that could potentially affect the relationship. It is only when you act like a man will you be able to get past this.

 

Also, next time you think about being "honest" with her about something potentially disturbing from your past, don't do it. That's what your therapist is for.

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All I'm reading here is that you're clearly a little girl. Man up! It is only when you act like a man will you be able to get past this.

if i've taken anything away from this thread so far it's that i at least need to stop holding this against myself, and perhaps she's more in the wrong than i've been thinking. i have tried to reason with her in every way possible, but arguing the moral issue is not an option, she is stubborn about it, and i won't hold that against her. i've told her straight up to get over it too, and i've expressed the fact that it's . me off.

 

the problem is that it's still not getting us anywhere. telling her to 'get over it' isn't helping her to get over it. i need to approach this in a way that will actually address the problem.

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I'm sorry Psycho, but I'm going to be brutally honest here.

 

If she can't forgive you for something that, not only do you regret, but it was 5 years before you were even together, regardless of her moral views, then you really need to re-evaluate the relationship. There's no point in trying to "build trust" if all she says it's doing is "destroying her enjoyment". (And if I'm completely honest, that's such a spiteful thing to say!)

 

You told her, knowing she wouldn't like it, and now she won't let go of something that doesn't even have anything to do with your relationship. She's being pathetic, and she knows full well that acting this way is only going to prevent you from being honest in the future.

 

Again, I apologise for the brutality, but this past week I've had to put up with a pathetic girlfriend of my own...

 

:withstupid: With respect to you and your partner, she sounds a bit immature. You didn't cheat on your relationship. While not acceptable in some countries others it is not only legal but acceptable in others. Amsterdams redlight district being one of them. If stuff you did before meeting your partner is such an issue then I suspect anything you do during the relationship, no matter how trivial will be a major problem for your partner.

 

Your partners feelings are hers, so stop apologizing for her feelings. If she has a problem then tell her to get counselling, because until she can let it go, your relationship is effectively over.

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why did ytou tell her in the first place?

woman tend to get nasty if they hear that you dated someone else/slept with a hooker (its all the same to them)

 

i understand you want to be honest about your relationship and all but some things are better left untold.

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If she can't forgive you for something that, not only do you regret, but it was 5 years before you were even together, regardless of her moral views, then you really need to re-evaluate the relationship.

 

You told her, knowing she wouldn't like it, and now she won't let go of something that doesn't even have anything to do with your relationship. She's being pathetic, and she knows full well that acting this way is only going to prevent you from being honest in the future.

 

 

My thoughts exactly!! 5 years before you guys even went out?? Why is she tripping over garbage like that? Prostitution.. Fling, same BS. Everyone had at least 1 fling in their life.

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