cjloki Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 If all the incidents are with 1 guy; o.o you're 19 and she's 20...so why so serious ? if your spider senses are tingling theres probably a good reason....go bark up another tree for awhile B:) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowKing Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Every time I try to talk to her about it she gets all defensive and pissed saying "You don't trust me" ect ect. Which turns into what she calls an argument but its not an argument its just her screaming at me all pissed because I'm concerned about this .. I just sit there and remain calm and try to talk to her but she just blows up every time I say I dont like it when she hangs out with guys, she goes "who are you to tell me I can't hang out with my friends" and all that business, when its not like that, I just want to know who these friends are and .. I dunno its .ing brutal, I feel like I'm way to attached to her already and I wish I wasn't. yeah i'd say either go hang out with her friends or call up Cheaters. and seriously if she can't trust you to trust her than there is something really wrong with that relationship, but than again i'm only 16 with almost no social life anyways, from what you've wrote down she seems to be up to something Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjloki Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Every time I try to talk to her about it she gets all defensive and pissed saying "You don't trust me" ect ect. Which turns into what she calls an argument but its not an argument its just her screaming at me all pissed because I'm concerned about this .. I just sit there and remain calm and try to talk to her but she just blows up every time I say I dont like it when she hangs out with guys, she goes "who are you to tell me I can't hang out with my friends" and all that business, when its not like that, I just want to know who these friends are and .. I dunno its .ing brutal, I feel like I'm way to attached to her already and I wish I wasn't. the whole thing smells odoriferous and not at all like healthy behavior on either part. i say leave that one alone and recognize this aint "luv of yer life" type behavior...take her number out of your phone and never make so much as eye contact with her ever again...poison arrows are all yer gonna get from this mess... here's the really scarry part: "I feel like I'm way to attached to her already and I wish I wasn't".....RUN...!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BizaroStormy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You need to cut her off like a limb with Gangrene, I was in a "relationship" similar to this a long time ago and wasted a crap load of time, emotions and MONEY on it. Save yourself a lot of trouble and get rid of her fast. She has no respect for you (not explaining her actions) and will never have respect for you, which means that you will go nowhere with her. Respect yourself and use your head. Eventually you will find someone that does the same. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GabrielT Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Well if she wasn't so defensive I would say don't worry and wear a rubber but she doesn't seem to be a great person for you. If anyone yells at me I'm done with the conversation, I don't take that from anyone. If your just in it to get laid a couple times, whatever, just remember that she isn't right for you. If you want to give her a shot for something better, meet her friends then decide if everything is ok. My GF is actually spending a day with an old boyfriend this weekend. She said it's just gonna be them catching up because they are still friends. I trust her and she handled the situation without freaking out. I'm not particularly worried because I met the guy, and well he's not much of a physical threat to a guy like me (or even a burly sixth grader) and he is already jumpy around me already, I don't think he would give me a reason to show him his own spleen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waco Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 (edited) Sounds like you're being the woman here. This. You clearly don't trust her since you keep asking who's who and why she's hanging with them. Neither of you seem to be mature enough to handle a "serious" relationship so don't even try. Have fun, screw around, and don't get too invested. It's destined to fail based on what you've posted here. Also - maybe I'm just being a bit dense...but since when is "hooking up with a girl" an automatic "we're dating?" EDIT: yeah i'd say either go hang out with her friends or call up Cheaters. and seriously if she can't trust you to trust her than there is something really wrong with that relationship, but than again i'm only 16 with almost no social lifeanyways, from what you've wrote down she seems to be up to something This, my friends, is why you don't take relationship advice from a 16 year old. She's not "up to something" she's pissed that you won't trust her to be around anyone male. Edited October 1, 2009 by Waco Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ir_cow Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 (edited) i give it a week before you find out shes with another guy, or is going to leave you for one. sorry buddy but that's what i see. being jealous makes it worse and bringing it up will surely end it so just have fun while it lasts. Edited October 1, 2009 by hornybluecow Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SenitaL Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 There are alot of speculations and suggestions here, and its real swell of us all to be helping Gr4vitas like this, but lets try NOT to bombard him with suggestions such as dump her and move on, thats not the way these things work. (or atleast they shouldnt) Also it is NOT inevitable that this relationships going to fail in such a short amount of time as others are saying. Lets assume that you dont want to break this relationship up and atleast want to try and make it work (id assume so, since you posted and wouldnt have if it were a lost cause) I've come to find that when a woman is involved things are rarely what they seem to us as guys. Girls express themselves very different and sometimes its very easy for us to misunderstand them, it would be prudent to say vise versa as they sometimes have trouble understanding us too. I think some good solid advice for now would be what bp9801 and rourkchris' FIRST post have said. Dont feed this negative energy with doubts and heavy handed thought, it will often be the undoing of any relationship. Instead focus your thoughts on something else. Get 2 tickets to a gig of her favourate band or something, infact even better, how about organising a trip (paintballing or something) with both her AND your friends, so it dosent seem like your trying to spy or something, and have some fun together! im sure she'll appreciate it. If theres a problem Talk about it with each other. In this case at the moment you cant because she yells at you (for whattever reason - its best NOT to start speculating) and it turns into an 'argument' my advice is dont get caught up in the moment and fuel the blaze heading in your direction, it'll only make things worse, instead: Just keep acting calm about it and maybe she'll see you aren't mad, just curious. Take it slowly and don't force the issue too much. perhaps an indirect way is to keep a diary with some log entries in it saying you care for her and wish she'd talk to you on these matters, and leave the diary in a not TOO obvious place for her to find just make sure not to fill it with doubts (duuh!) On the flip side Keep in mind that trust should be Earned, and not freely given, does she trust you? do you trust her? if the answer is no for either one or both then you need to work on that. A good place to start would be to apologize to her and tell her that she can talk to you when she's ready and drop the matter after that. (A relationship requires that both sides learn to swallow their pride and come to a compromise) By doing this she should at the least be more comfortable around you without the possibbility of a comfrontation arrising, in essance it could create some mutual trust. Just go with the flow, and try NOT to Try too hard, thats a big mistake im guilty of myself Some very helpful points to remember: 1) Dont just give her everything in buckeloads, smaller and more frequent is better than bigger and less frequent in this case. 2) Small things make a BIG difference, so you dont have to spend loads on a girl, just think of what she likes and be creative. 3) Dont fall into the 'Love Trap' where you get in so deep, that you find it hard to let go IF the time arrises. 4) Jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, so be mindful of your thoughts, or they will betray you. 5) Just be yourself, theres nothing worse then pretending to be something your not. Im 19 and i was in almost the same scenario as you not that long ago, except from the flip side (i was the one who had finished study) Long story short, I fell into the love trap and became overly possessive, and i became a wreck afterwords. Mind you we lasted 3 years and the main thing which broke US appart was our parents.. So as you can see each relationship is different, and its up to both of you to make it work or not. At the slight sign of a hiccough so early on it dosent mean you should let your mind run wild (believe me, thats the worst thing to do) Try and work it out, build some trust up between you and keep a level headed approach to things, if it works it works, but dont force it, above all Have Fun! Its not always best to go around asking for advise as it can sometimes be detrimental, luckily everyone here at the OCC is Awesome :thumbs-up: good luck friend Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
flareback Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 from what you've said so far, does it really matter if she is cheating on you? You can't have a discussion over a serious concern of yours. Is that really the type of person you want to be with? A relationship works when both people communicate and she isn't willing to communicate. Plus it is really bad practice to hang out with people of the opposite . when your in a relationship. Spending time with someone builds an emotional attachment and that means she is getting closer to other guys. Not a good situation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
hardnrg Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 hey, it's pretty normal to wonder who a girlfriend is hanging out with... if the problem is that you don't know her friends, then just be more social, go to a house party or McDonalds or whatever you do... meet some of them... not in a judgemental way, just in a friendly, social, normal way girls are allowed to have male friends, and in my experience, it's a lot better if they have a mix of male and female friends than just females less bitching, less whining, less PMS/PMT, and less girly shopping lol just chill out, and hang out more, stop hiding at your parents' house lol, you're 19, should have flown the nest by now Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
SenitaL Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 hey, it's pretty normal to wonder who a girlfriend is hanging out with... if the problem is that you don't know her friends, then just be more social, go to a house party or McDonalds or whatever you do... meet some of them... not in a judgemental way, just in a friendly, social, normal way girls are allowed to have male friends, and in my experience, it's a lot better if they have a mix of male and female friends than just females less bitching, less whining, less PMS/PMT, and less girly shopping lol just chill out, and hang out more, stop hiding at your parents' house lol, you're 19, should have flown the nest by now This. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
actionstan Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 This definatley is not normal behavior. ive been in a relationship for 3 years, even when we started dating my girlfriend did not hang out with guys, it isnt normal.. if she ever wanted to hang out with another guy it would be a definate NO and if i ever wanted to hang out with just another girl it would be a NO. a few months into this relationship and already so attached is extremely unhealthy aswell.. you might be clingy and not realize it some girls will dump you for that, also in this evil world of dating/love your gunna get hurt getting attached to early especially to people like this, if it has you this upset you do need to end it and move on, if she cares for you shell try to stop it, and then you can explain why and maybe she will change.... if she doesnt which this is what my vote would be for, shell just be a prick to you if you try to end it.. ither way even if nothing has happened yet with one of these guy friends somthing will eventually... shell be at there house.. theyll get all cozey hanging out and one thing will eventually lead to another.. should shouldnt be doing this too you its obviously bothering you alot... so i say try and talk to her about it CALMLY if you havent been, if she starts to get pissy just tell her thats it.... dont put up with that crap it isnt normal especially if you want a serious relationship Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now