InCrYsIs Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Well so far every argument I have read is reasonable. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes but I am trying to help the best way possible. I'm also not pushing him in any direction. He is a pretty smart guy and it does sound like she is sorry. I'm confident he will make the correct choice. I have no clue what the right choice is but I guess no one does. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrewMeister2010 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I would recommend he gets himself tested for STD's as well. She may SAY it only happened once . . . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjaminw Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Two people walk into the woods, one walks out... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
airman Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 (edited) coming from experience and dealing with the same thing now (not married, but dating), i can say if you really love the person you are with it is very difficult to let them go if something like this happens. there are so many questions, mainly "why". i can't imagine life without my girl, and we've been dating on and off for about a year and a half (took a few months off last summer and a couple during the winter before). i found out a few days ago that she had slept with one of her best friends this past weekend, who she had a brief "romance" with last summer when we weren't dating. i found out because this guy actually told me what had happened, emotionally distraught and very apologetic. he knew he was wrong. they were both wrong. all couples deal with crap from each other's behavior, actions and words. all couples end up at some point going through hard times where they don't always make it out. the couples that are truly meant for each other stand up and fight for the relationship with all they have, no matter who's fault it was, who got hurt, and how. if your friend and his wife are truly meant for each other, they'll stay together. if she truly is sorry then she will learn from her mistakes and have more self control. Edited March 11, 2009 by airman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
333 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think he should try to work it out. Marriage is a covenant between two people. It's not something that should be entered into without much consideration. That being said I believe since it is a covenant that both parties should do everything they can to keep the covenant. Even when one person goes outside of the marriage and breaks the vows the other should try to work things out. Now don't get me wrong, I know that there are times when one should leave the other, specifically in a case of violence, but that hasn't occurred here. I would recommend talking to a pastor if they are involved in church. Many pastors have a lot of experience dealing with issues like this or know where they can go for help. In this case I would recommend him first taking a look at his own thoughts, words and actions. I know it isn't always both peoples fault but many times the one who doesn't commit adultery may have led to it through something he did or didn't do. Maybe it's the way he looks at other women or doesn't look at his wife, maybe it's the way he talks about other women or doesn't talk about his wife. It could be that he is acting inappropriately towards other women even though he hasn't committed adultery or not acting towards his wife (sexually or working too much for example). But he first needs to take care of anything wrong with his own life. Sometimes it may take a friend (or spouse) to point this out to him because he doesn't see what he's doing as wrong. He also needs to talk to his wife. He needs to forgive her. He should take the initiative even if she isn't sorry. It will open a door for her to come back and not think that he hates her and doesn't want her back. This won't be easy but is doable. I also believe that even people who attended the wedding should come in and try to reconcile the two. By attending a wedding you are not only just showing up to support a friend but you are showing your support for the institution of marriage and should help them work through difficult times. Even the Bible says that cheating is grounds for divorce. I say he needs to end it due to like others said "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Sure your friend might still love her but he will still think about this every time he sees her. And don't get me started on what he will think every time he kisses or sleeps with her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turophiliac Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Even the Bible says that cheating is grounds for divorce. This is very true, but it also says to love one another and forgive each other's wrongs. so ultimately it is the one who got cheated on's choice whether he wishes to continue being married or not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
For2went Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 A relationship needs one this... Trust, once that trust is gone, it's pretty hard to go on with the relationship... 1. He can try to regain that trust (which will probably never happen) or 1. He can find someone new and build a new relationship (I vote for option 2, but thats just me) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rokkaholik Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I've dealt with cheating in my past relationships. I tried the second chance thing once, and it came back to bite me... I'm not saying it will happen that way every time, but it did to me. It also didn't help much that it was in the back of my mind all the time. If he's going to "forgive" her, then he has to do it 110% and never bring it up again. Once that's been decided, you don't want to dangle it in front her every time she's late from work, talking on the phone, etc... Best of luck in whatever they decide Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingfisher Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 The bible also says an eye for an eye. Shouldn't you be telling him to sleep with another woman? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_bowtie Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Well so far every argument I have read is reasonable. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes but I am trying to help the best way possible. I'm also not pushing him in any direction. He is a pretty smart guy and it does sound like she is sorry. I'm confident he will make the correct choice. I have no clue what the right choice is but I guess no one does. they are all sorry after the fact...doesnt excuse the fact it happened... there is ALWAYS a reason...and it's usually one isnt 100% happy despite what they say... point is...it takes TWO...one to give the offer and one to accept...which one was she...? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
InCrYsIs Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 They are both Catholic and were married in church. He isn't religious but she is which makes this even more interesting. I am definitely going to have him read all this. Maybe something will click from strangers. I react better sometimes to strangers opinions because they aren't tainted or biased. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coors Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 because they aren't tainted You don't know this crowd very well do you... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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