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Queenz

I Need Guidance

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Don't drop out of college the last place you want to be is in the navy or the army. If you think your parents are rough on you this will be many times worse. It's ok that you don't know what to do with yourself your only 19. You have a whole life in front of you so you can try out a bunch of different things. Your only in your first or second year of college and most colleges don't require you to declare your major untill your second year anyway. After that you can still change it if you want. The reason they do this is because a lot of people don't know what to do. You obviously have good work ethic and you have a lot of knowledge so figuring out something should be easy for you.

 

As for your parents your growing up and soon you won't live with them anymore. They realize this and hopefully you realize this maybe they're just trying to hold onto you while they still can. Personally I think you should show them what you wrote in your first post and start talking about it. They need to realize you won't be arround forever and to spend the reamaining years you have happily together.

 

I know moving out seems like a pleasant idea but I'd take the free rent while you still can get it. I don't know what you pay for but I'm guessing you don't buy your own food or pay your own water and electricity bills. I'd let someone else pay for them as long as you can :D

 

And just because your going through a rough time doesn't mean you need to do anything drastic. Think of it as there hardining you for future problems. Remember as bad as things may seem there is always someone who's got it worse.

 

Good Luck man you'll figure something out

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Don't drop out of college the last place you want to be is in the Marines.

 

Fixed :P.

 

Queenz, I'll speak as someone with not as much experience in life as anyone else, but as someone who does care. I don't know your entire situation, but it sounds like moving out at least temporarily is probably a good option. See if you can shack up with your girlfriend for a few more weeks or find some friends to rent an apartment with. When they start to beg to come back, pull an Obama and tell them that you're tired of the way they're treating you, and want change, that the last straw has been applied already. You're an adult, you're in college, you've got a good job. I fail to see the problem. But I'm not a parent, I haven't taken those "Make Your Kid's Life Hell" classes :P.

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It sounds like you don't have a lot of options.

 

What I can say is that I bet your dad is just talking tough. He'll tell you all these horrible things he'll do if you move out, but that probably won't be the case. Maybe it will at first, but ultimately they are going to want contact with you and I bet that if you moved out and were successful on your own, he'd eventually come to you. He's talking tough because he doesn't want you to leave, but I bet to a certain extent he's bluffing.

 

In certain respects, I can see where he's coming from. He probably wants you to quit your job and focus on school. But what I don't understand is why he thinks you shouldn't work at all at this stage in your life. If your grades are OK (like you say), then what's the problem? You're doing the right thing. If you just live under them all through college, you'll probably miss out on a lot of good life experiences. You're trying to avoid that, and that's good. The only way I can think to fight him there is ask him if he worked when he was your age. I bet he did. If he did, grill him on what it taught him and if he thinks he'd be different without all that.

 

Other than that, it sounds like he just thinks you're a little kid still. I don't know you in the real world, so I can't say if you are or not. I know some 19 year-olds that are more mature than their parents, but I know other 19 year-olds that wouldn't survive a second in the "real world". But if that's the opinion your dad has of you, you're not going to get anywhere telling him you need more freedom. He'll just write you off as an ignorant kid. And if you're saying you can't stay afloat on your own, then you're kinda stuck.

 

Whatever you do, don't drop out of school and don't leave the house if they're going to stop paying for your school (unless you can cover it yourself). You will kick yourself for the rest of your life if you don't finish. If it means sucking it up and following your dad's stupid rules until you get your degree, then that's what you have to do.

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Here's some guidance, hit the Enter key to make paragraphs so that we'll actually bother reading your nonsense.

 

Fixed...

 

 

Queenz....

 

 

You gotta understand...sometimes parent have a hard time letting go...a hard time realizing that you can make your own decisions...but we as parents dont want you to make the wrong ones...this is where our wisdom comes in....sometimes your young age and friends/peers can cloud your judgment of the right decision....

 

you have to be carefull in your decision making the wrong one can have long term effects...I dont understand the job thinking with the parents as that grants the learning of responsibility for you...adding that with school can lengthen the amount of tasks you can do at a single time and still maintain...

 

As long as you live at home your Parents are still legally obligated for you until you are 21...and in some states it 26 if you are still in school...you parents may be in fear that if you goof they will pay for your actions...just because you are 18 that only gives you the right to buy lottery tickets and cigs in some states and is a rather gray area in most...

 

Moving out may not be the answer...moving out has it's pros and cons just make sure you weigh all sides of it....I can tell you my 18 year old daughter moved out on here 18th birthday just a coulpe months back...I let her go because she thinks she a big girl and can live on her own (she moved in with Mom) I am pretty strict at my house and for good reason...

 

I can tell you she hasnt had it easy...she is now pregnant and failing school..college doesnt look like it's going to happen and she will lose her scholarship....but those are big kid decisions right...?

 

Also beings I had custody of here for many years she figures she can make her own decisions so i let her...she out on here own let her do it...now she finds out she needs a parent to fill out her forms...She brings them to me to fill out and I just hand them back to her with a smile...and say.."you are a big kid now and 18 you wanted to be on your own and be your own boss well now you are you'll need to fill out your own forms..."

 

 

needless to say she right then realized one of the cons of burning your bridges...

 

 

Best thing you can do is set down with BOTH of your parents and tell them your concerns and desires and let them tell you theirs and why they fell the way they do...then work out a compromise...you will be surprised what you can accomplish

 

When you set down just let them know you want to talk about your future and you dont want any arguing or yelling...if it starts the conversation is over...and move on...

 

You need to find out why your parents feel the way they do and they need to understand your feelings too...we only want the best for our children...you have to understand the BIGGEST reason is we have already lived it and we DO NOT want our children to make the same mistakes we have...but more times than not you'll repeat ours and learn the same lesson....

 

Just remember to listen and learn and you'll be in the same position some day with your own child...!

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See this is the problem. My Dad told me that if I move out he wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore, He said that it shows total disresect to him. I love my parents, but I don't want them to hate me. Which is how I would be treated if I did. This is a perfect example of what I mean by not respecting my choices I make. My dad is Asian, so when he talks to me he always starts his sentences off with, "Oh back in China if you acted like this" and some other blah blah blah stuff. As a kid I always respected my dad and listened to him, and I surely wasn't a problem child but now things are different and I need to start following my own ways.

Maybe you need to remind him that he is in America and things are done differently over here, you know when in Rome do as Romans, and that times have also changed since then....

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Queenz, the first thing you need to do is have a long talk with your parents. You need to sit down with them and tell them how you're feeling and what you're going through. Then you need to let them tell you what they feel and what they're going through. During the talk you need to act mature and not get angry with them, let them talk. Once everyone has shared this, go through any changes you want or they want and write them down. It helps to put what you want on paper. If you want more freedom, more privacy, whatever, tell them and write it down. Basically make a contract that all of you will sign saying what is going to be done to correct the situation.

 

Next, don't quit the job unless your grades are suffering because of it. It doesn't make you a loser at all. What kind of IT job is it? If it's tech support, your dad sees them as losers for not finding a better job. However, you're in college to get a degree and get a better job after graduation. The current job is only for money to make it through college. Explain this to your dad and maybe he'll understand. As for not getting a job until you're 25, that's ridiculous. Many kids get jobs when they're 16 or so now.

 

Whatever you do, don't drop out of college; quit your job before quitting college. In today's society, not having a college degree is a major hindrance to securing a good job. A bacherlor's degree is almost a necessity in today's economy, a master's is becoming very common and a good idea to get. If you don't know what to pursue, look into Computer Science or Computer Engineering if you like computers. Computer Science is mainly computer programming, while Computer Engineering is a mix of computer programming and electrical engineering.

 

I think your parents love you and are actually trying to hang on to you. Are you an only child? If so, that gives them all the more reason to hang on. They aren't trying to punish or control you, they just want what's best for you.

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OCC therapy lol. why would your dad say to quit your job when you have bills. if there not going to pay them why would they want you to quit? thats were im lost

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I bawwwed when I was 19 too. You'll get over it. For now, if I was you, I'd relish the chance to be pissed at your parents. When you're actually grown up / they're not around, you'll miss it.

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A lot of what has been said is really sound advice - I'm in no way a person with a ton of life experience, but please do try to view it from the other party's side. Your dad may (or may not) be annoyed at the way he he handled his life, and is trying to prevent the same thing from happening to you - I don't know how effectively. You two (or three) may just need some time apart - try staying at your girlfriends for a while, or take a private vacation. The very opposite may also help - put a major amount forward for a *relaxing* trip for your family (or just you three), and make sure it's made of things you know they enjoy. I'd stay away from alienating them at all costs, but it may be necessary at one point, just try to make it up, for both their sake and yours.

 

Hooray for OCC advice B:)

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I read the first post, but the rest was tl;dr.

 

Here's my advice, and I HOPE someone else has said it.

 

You ready for this crazy idea?

 

TALK TO THEM.

 

Yup, explain the situation calmly to them and express yourself, not to your friends, or other family, or the internet, but directly to your parents.

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It seems right know that your best option is to talk to your parents and try to work it out.

 

Based on the story you have told us it seems like you left something out or not told us the whole side of the story. I guess its possible that your parents could just be saying those things because the realization is coming to them that there son is not a kid anymore and in a few short years he'll be out of the house forever. But it just seems odd that your parents would tell you that shouldn't be working until your 25. I know many people who would love to have a son in college who is getting good grades and is responsible with there money and not a freeloader.

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Yup, explain the situation calmly to them and express yourself, not to your friends, or other family, or the internet, but directly to your parents.

 

QFT.

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