Week # 3: news, notes, smack!

[Angry_Games]

Well kids, it's nearing the end of week #3 and we might be seeing some teams pull away from the pack while others are drowning in a sea of loser tears haha. But no worries, as we found out last week when two of the worst teams blew up for nearly 100 combined points, and this week as well two different teams nearly did the same thing, anything can happen any given week, and it's all about who you put in the game (as well as who the hell might show up for the game in the real NFL!).

 

So this week we'll start with the Pitchforks vs The Infected Boils:

 

Seems like Tom Brady really IS Jesus reborn. Can this guy do anything wrong? Or does he screw up and just wave his hand like a jedi and make everyone think that interception he just threw was actually a touchdown for the Pats? Being 12 points behind though, Lendale White better run like Forrest Gump at Alabama repeatedly, or it will be another loss that the Boils can hardly afford (though it's still early enough that he can make lemonade out of chunks of fleshy New Orleans linebackers).

 

Luckily for the Haystack, the infected bench showed up long enough to listen to a few songs on their iPod before returning home. Alexander was a surprise this week by barely putting up any points, and who would have thunk it that Kitna even knew how to throw a football?

 

And WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY???? - Anquan Boldin

, Ari WR

 

Whoever the hell he is, he blew up good and helped the Pitchforks keep a lead over the Boils. The Tennessee TE playing for the Farmhands tonight only needs to score 11 less points than the Tennessee RB that the Infected Scabs have to keep the win. Playing against a hapless NO team, it seems like this will go down to the wire.

 

 

McMustache and crew have gained experience in talking smack each consecutive week this season, but they haven't been able to get that little chunk of loser out of the 'stache yet. Maybe if they actually played football instead of standing on the sidelines hurling insults at the opposing team, they'd get a W.

 

The Dead Bodies don't talk nearly as good of a game of smack as the McRainbows, but the problem is they don't play the actual game of football any better either. I'm not sure what is worse, running your yap like TO every week and losing, or not saying much of anything and still losing!

 

The good thing this week is at least ONE of them will get a win. Or fate could shine upon them both and end up with a tie, which is just a nice way of saying "too bad you stink bad enough that you couldn't even get ONE MORE POINT FOR A WIN" hahaha.

 

The Disco McDucks are probably wishing either the head coach would just die, or McNabb would. Why McNabb was on the bench this week is beyond me, but maybe Carl's mustache was secretly telling him what a great strategy this would be. At least the McSteelers defense McShowed up and McPlayed a good game. While Devin Hester is a pretty good receiver, the Bears' offense totally and completely sucks like an Ultra-X power supply. I'd easily put a Charger WR in there instead. The Chargers are a disappointment so far, but a team with Rivers/LT combo on the offensive side of the ball is bound to start breaking out at some point, and when they do, you definitely will want a SD player out there picking up the points for you.

 

 

The Corpses have two good receivers and a decent defense, which helped them stay even with the Stache this week. A substitution of RB and K could have made this a no-contest for the Cadavers, but hindsight is always 20/20 (except in my case and the McDirties, hindsight is still only about 20/400, and even with laser surgery and coke-bottle glasses we might still be only able to pick out the big E on the eye chart only because we are so old we know that E is always going to be there!). It's always funny when the two teams still have a Monday night spare each, and both of them are on the same team. McLoather is going to be cheering for his WR while screaming at the Dead Body's QB to throw interception after interception. Sorta like your mother-in-law backing over a cliff in your brand new Mercedes.

 

This will be another down-to-the-wire game, and as I mentioned earlier, someone has to win finally. I'm not sure I told everyone this but if they go 0-3 we send someone over to your house to kick you right square in the gonads while your wife and kids are watching (and the gonad-kicker's partner will be videotaping the entire affair, and you can buy a copy for $14.99 at bamzu.com!)

 

 

This week the Catholic Priest Child Predators looked like they had easily blown out the NJ Smellsbads. Favre continues his fantasy season of greatness, but we all know that at some point, a bully will walk up to the house of cards and kick it over, sending momma's boy running back to his...well...momma. The Rapists showed up with another solid week of consistency. I still marvel at the quality of the roster these child diddlers have. They might not put up 40 points each week, but so far it seems this team can average about 10 points per position per week, and that's going to be good enough to win consistently (again, until Grandpa realizes he's on a football field instead of daydreaming in a nursing home while a blonde nurse spoon-feeds him tapioca pudding).

 

The Smellys on the other hand would have benefited from leaving those Cowboy defenders in this week. Who can predict that Dallas will be good though? That's about the same as predicting Cle/Cin will throw up a hundred points in a game haha. The Goombas' roster is just as solid as the Pedophiles' roster. One roster change and this game would have been headed in a different direction. It's almost a shame the Smasha doesn't have a Monday night spare to put the Banana Boys in their place finally (though it would have only made the smack talking even uglier with claims of steroids, painkillers, and video cameras I'm sure).

 

I still say that the Smashers have the best shot of dethroning the Rapists, as they seem to be the only other team with such a high-caliber roster capable of consistency. It's a chess match each week and like always, one wrong roster move can turn a hard-fought win into a tearjerker at a chick-flick festival.

 

 

Sometimes it's just too funny to see a GM win a game and begin the smack-of-ages talk that only a few (like the Rapists) have not only mastered, but can back up with action in a heartbeat. Of course we are talking about the Boarskin Chucklers here, who finally won a game and decided that it was time to visit smack-city.

 

Just like I predicted, if you remember. I love it because it's the first time this season I get to use a quote from the previous week's news!

 

This has to be the funniest game of the week. The old man talked a rare but brilliant game of smack to the Goob, only to be slaughtered most of the game. While the soundman put up a good fight finally, I laughed all day remembering all the smack I laughed at aimed at Ace as Goob dropped bomb after bomb on the old man's wheelchair.

 

This is probably going to be even funnier as knowing Ace, he'll use the opportunity to rub the smack in the Quackers' face. The Ducks won't take kindly to it I'm sure, but at least the Chuckers have until Saturday to make sure Soundx98 remembers what humble pie tastes like!

 

While the Quakers didn't preach a sermon of hellfire that rained down upon the Chuckleheads, they did rub dirt in their faces all day Sunday. Why the Goob traded out Hasslebad for some Buffalo guy is beyond me. Here's a hint Goobsta: The Buffalo Bills su-su-su-SUCK this year. Never choose them over anyone, even a high school football squad. Hasslesuck maybe isn't the greatest QB in the NFL, but the guy has Alexander as an RB, and he's got a squad of receivers who can actually run routes and catch balls. Food for thought when you've overcome your drunken state that allowed such a roster substitution to happen! You also want to check the roster depth for the NYG and WAS teams as it's always going to hurt looking at a guy on your bench getting 10x more points than your starting RB. But like always, it's a learning process, and for most of us, it's a lot of guesswork as to who might actually touch a ball each week.

 

The Ducks have 3 decent QB's, and some decent receivers. They made the same mistake as the Chiggers in benching players that had great weeks. That's just how it goes, but at the same time, when you are winning by more than enough, who cares right? The Goobster has a good roster, as does the Geese, but this seems to be one of those weeks when the players just didn't live up to their normal expectations. Now it boils down to whether or not the Chicklets can get the ball to Henderson a lot while the Swans are hoping Reggie Bush finally finds his go-go-gadget legs and tacks on enough insurance points to guarantee victory.

 

PS Ace...there aren't many decent defense/special teams left to pick over, but sometimes scraps are better than the rotting meat SF defense pukes up each week. But then again, maybe they just had a week of defensive dysentery and will be back up to their usual swiss-cheese standards next week (at least swiss cheese has some solids and not all holes right?!)

 

 

AYE CARUMBA!!! Our first tie! The Digits and the Chubbies played it down to the wire. Looking at the bench, it's hard to second-guess their head coaching decisions as to who would play and who would ride the pine seat this week. Neither manager has a Monday night spare, though the Overeaters have an empty bench slot that could at least have a buttwarmer in there that might make a difference (or fumble in the redzone and lose the game haha).

 

The Zero RB's must have decided it was too cold to run hard this week, while the Obesity's QB got yanked (which was good for the Angryman since my starting QB is the ARI backup QB!). This week was just too damn close for me to figure out what either team could have done to avoid shame, and while there is no shame in a tie since neither team loses, there's no joy in a tie either as it means you are still one more win away from the boys in front of you.

 

 

That's not Bacon! That's Sizzlean! Which is probably how the Macster feels about his QB this week. Worse, he probably wishes death upon himself for leaving the MIA RB on the bench to rack up 40 points. But, I mean, COME ON, Miami sucks. REALLY bad. I would have left his butt on the bench too (hell, I probably would have told him to go suck eggs in the Europe NFL hahaha). Bulger isn't a bad QB, but I would always choose McNair as the Ravens are a much more solid, consistent team. Even when they lose, they usually do pretty well as fantasy scoring goes. Unless TEN passes the ball 323 times to Williams tonight, looks like the Professors are going to rack up yet another win.

 

Speaking of the Instructors, I've had to hear all night about how she left the PHI WR on the bench to score 40 points. I can see the Pigfat being upset about his 40 point benchmaster, but you know, women...they classy lady about anything. I tried to alert her to the fact that her Teachers were already winning by 31 points, so an extra 40 would really just sorta be urinating into the Bacon's open wounds, but again you know how women are. They are vindictive. They'll steal another woman's man, they'll ruin another woman's clothes so she can't look as good as her, and she'll damn sure try to ram the points down your throat so far that you are shitting astroturf.

 

At least she's a good sport (except when she squares off against me in any game). She hates the Cowboys and Tony Romo, but that's how it goes in fantasy. You got to cheer for the ones you hate when they are on your team. I hate the Cowboys and so therefore since I don't have any, I can hope beyond hope that they just die. The Bacon probably wishes they were in the morgue as well. However it is nice to see another 2-0 team take one for the team lol. No offense, but if I'm not unbeaten, I don't want you to be either

 

 

Honestly, I'm not sure how the Canadian Mounted Police lost their first game. Each week as I'm writing this I take notice of his roster and it scares me. It's as solid as the Rapists and the Smashers for sure. He piled up the points once again this week against the Au Pairs, sending them back to England once more in shame. That combo of LT and Rivers from the Chargers is a tough one to beat. Even when the Bolts do badly, you can bet that LT and Rivers will pile on the fantasy points. The only weak spot I still see in the Frozen North's roster is that ARI defense/special teams. However each week we've caught the ARI game and each week they look a little better. Maybe by midseason they'll be as good as they seem to be on television.

 

However, we all know TV adds 20 pounds and special effects can make you fly or smash down walls with your fists.

 

 

Like last week, the Bad Teeth Brits are in a quandry as to which QB they want to put out on the field. I'd have to say I agree with the Brits in putting Manning out there. He's as good as his brother. He is NOT however, nearly as experienced as his brother, and that can be a very ugly thing in the NFL. Same with Smith. He looked great yesterday, perfect passing form, he's a big strong kid, but he's so inexperienced that like Manning, he tries to force something out of nothing and it can only end badly (playing the Steelers doesn't help either lol). That leaves Pennington, the NYJ QB. Sort of a no-name among NFL QB's, but he's actually pretty decent chap who quietly puts up some wins and some points. The Chargers D is usually strong, but this week that -2 didn't help (nor the 47 point lead the Troopers have on the Nannies haha).

 

I would advise the Fish n Chips however, about swapping out someone for something other than a QB. Three starting QB's are hard enough to choose from. Having FOUR QB's however is not wise at all, especially since the Nannies have no backup RB's (not that there are any worth mentioning left in the Free Agent pool...).

 

 

And finally the Toothless Dogs faced off against my own Angry Badassistan Girlymen. I turned the computer on about 45 seconds after kickoff and I was already winning like 243-3 lol. This is one of those games I am proud of (though I really did nothing except keep my roster the same!) winning, because I won by A LOT. This is probably my only chance to rub some salt into the Mangy Mutts' eyes, so I'm gonna make sure I use big chunks of kosher rock salt!

 

The Dawgs did come back and put some points up to make it seem close at least. The Dawgs have a good roster, and they are a tough team to match up to with the kind of depth they have. Not sure if Hines Ward even played, but unless you know for sure he's gonna be out, you got to leave him in, so we can't fault the Barking Coyotes for that, besides, MIA really sucks as you already know from me preaching in the pulpit earlier in this article, and anyone who would put a MIA guy in over even a jr high schooler would also be getting a visit from the groin-kicker.

 

Luckily for the Panty Wearers, the only Monday night spare from the Mutts is a guy from New Orleans, which will soon change their name to the New Suckass Saints if they don't get their . together soon. With a 31 point lead, the Fairies are not worried at all, as we are pretty sure NO will stink up yet another game, securing a win for the HappyGamester. Of course I'm double-happy that the Eaglettes decided to wake the xxxx up this week and realize that they should at least win one game (and to lose to Detroit...is like...losing to Luxembourg who doesn't even have a football team!). At the same time, I'm glad the Liars had a good game because my WR gave me the insurance money needed to cover my football habit. The Fairies have such a weak bench that like a few other teams in the DIY league, I have to pray to the various gods while burning incense that my starters remember to get on the plane with the team and show up at the games!

 

If I had to rely on my bench, and I will at some point, I'm going to be in a lot of trouble (read: LOSER heh).

 

 

Well kids, that's it for week #3 for the moment. I'll be back after tonights game to see if anyone pulled a rabbit out of their butt and came back to win a game, but I don't see it happening too much.

 

I'm more looking forward to seeing the Goobster's tail between his legs after the drubbing he received (it's SOOOOO much better after he's talked smack all week too, like hot fudge on top of your sundae!), as well as McShagger's renewed smackigificationism. Carl is inventive, but he's old, so he's able to draw upon his centuries of whatever memory is left to come up with new smack. Rapist on the other hand, I think bought "The Big Book of Supa-Smack" from Amazon or Barnes & Noble, as his is fresh yet somewhat incoherent (and it will only end badly as soon as his geriatric QB starts playing his age hahahaha).

 

The rest of you....remember the lesson from last week's news & notes at the bottom. Pay attention to who is injured, who is questionable, and who might still be available in the Free Agent pool that is better than the loser riding your bench (or worse, starting for you!).

[njswift10141980]

another great write-up ag and I'm still kicking myself for not switching my d, I mean it was dal vs. chi or bal vs. ari, but you win some and you lose some but I'll be back next week with a vengeance.

[Angry_Games]

yep, deciding who is going to do good each week can be a real killer, and I always make the wrong choice (especially in hockey where i put the wrong goaltender in every damn time lol)

 

Lucky for me my starting roster is ALL that I have, my bench is just there to cheer!

[Guest InFeKtioN]

Another Gr8 1 Angy !!!

 

I was counting on the Bears D alot more ....... but like you said, who knows when it comes to Dallas ?

 

Well all know that Grossman su su su sucks on a regular basis ..... but when you throw 247 interceptions .... well, that many turnovers will tear down any defense !

[sparkyftw]

haha even some of my starters are just there to cheer.

 

I already have a few changes in the plan. I have to look for another QB. Thats what didn't give me a win this week.

[Guest Buckstitch]

Ya just got to love Anquan Boldin wow saved my butt. Ya just need 12 to tie 13 to win InFeKtioN because my TE has no points all year so good luck tonight

[momma]

I am still angry that I left that dude on the bench with 40pts. It's just a waste of a good game is all, not because I am vindictive. Really I swear, I am not .

[red930]

another great write-up ag and I'm still kicking myself for not switching my d, I mean it was dal vs. chi or bal vs. ari, but you win some and you lose some but I'll be back next week with a vengeance.

 

Yeah, but then I might have started one of my other runningbacks and we mighta been tied. And I'd rather lose than tie.

 

And I'm NEVER going to win a trophy!

 

If it wasn't for two of your players cheating Travis, I'd have it easy. But NOOOO, somehow a freakin backup QB gets thrown in and you have him starting for god knows what reason. The Westbrook decides that the Lions (every one of them) are his ., and walks all over them individually, in alphabetic order, then again just for crap and giggles.

 

I can't wait til we play buddy. And we better be scheduled to, otherwise Infektion needs to change it. NOW.

 

By the way, for the next two weeks you're gonna be rockin the best defense in the country. I'm glad I have them in another league.

 

Edit:

 

GO Infektion GO! One more point!!!

[Guest InFeKtioN]

Damn Bears !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[soundx98]

Yeah Baby

 

 

Gimme an "M"

M

Gimme a "C"

c

Gimme an "L"

L

Gimme an "O"

o

Gimme a "V"

v

Gimme an "I"

i

Gimme an "N"

n

 

What's that spell?

"McLovin"

What's that spell?

"McLovin"

 

Lawd what a great game! Hale, what a great weekend!

Not only did Team McLovin manage to WIN, (as predicted),

But, the Team scored over 130 points, 66 from the starters and 64 from the bench, ROFLMAO.

Kicked booty when it comes to total points.

 

Nice game Cadaver, but you lost.

I feel as bad for you as I do for Drew Brees and the Fallen Saints.

Me, I feel great, I won and I got laid!

 

 

(OK, I'm lying about the getting laid, but it sure feels like I did)

 

Smack all you want about sitting McNabb's butt on the bench.

But Garrard still produced 13 points for me and McLovin's Steel Curtain delivered 17.

I had no idea the "good" McNabb would show up for the Lions game but after the "bad" McNabb performance against the Skins I had no issues starting my backup.

Devin Hester was another stroke of genius on my part as it was all a ruse to lure Cadaver into complacency

 

Week 4 brings on Tom's Deadly Infektion and former Team McLovin member Lendale White.

(I hate to biatch slap the League's Founder, but Tom is going down, down, down.)

I got some great players, I'm coming off a win (hale, I'll probably win all of the rest of my games), got a bonar and I'm gonna stick it to everyone (and I know the Cabana Boys will want more, more, more).

 

You can forget all that crap about being old and losing my memory.

McLovin is a PowerHouse!

 

Now what was I saying?

Dang, where did I put that Geritol?

 

[Guest Buckstitch]

I win I win why did I win? What is the tie breaker?:sweat:

[red930]

I win I win why did I win? What is the tie breaker?:sweat:

 

If it was a tie then I believe it goes by who had the better bench.

 

Damn you, there can be only one! (undefeated)