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fariss

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Posts posted by fariss


  1. A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mom!


  2. If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and

    Thinking things through, you will love this!

     

    Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

    The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

     

    On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a

    Wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he

    Meant business.

     

    He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little

    Surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?

     

    The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back

    In two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four

    weeks' pay.

     

    Now GET OUT and don't come back.

     

    Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and

    Asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

     

    From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


  3. A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.

     

    She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

     

    Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."

     

    Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and ate them.

     

    Two lessons here:

    1.. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

    2.. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.


  4. A tough-looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

    The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

    "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

    While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked “Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"

    So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

    After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

    "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"


  5. World's Shortest Books:

     

     

    THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

    by Barack Obama

    ____________________________________________

    MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS

    by Tiger Woods

    ____________________________________________

    THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

    by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan

    Illustrated by Michael Moore

    ____________________________________________

    MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS

    & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA

    by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

    ____________________________________________

    THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

    by Hillary Clinton

    ____________________________________________

    Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY

    By Bill Clinton

    ____________________________________________

    THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD

    by Bill Gates

    ____________________________________________

    THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

    by Dennis Rodman

    ____________________________________________

    THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE

    by Al Gore & John Kerry

    ____________________________________________

    A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

    by Dr. J. Kevorkian

    ____________________________________________

    TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE

    by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

    ____________________________________________

    GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

    by Mike Tyson

    ____________________________________________

    THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

    ____________________________________________

    MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS

    by O. J. Simpson

    ____________________________________________

    HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY

    by Linsday Lohan

    ____________________________________________

    BOOK OF MORALS

    by Bill Clinton

    with introduction by the

    Rev. Jesse Jackson

    ____________________________________________

    AND, JUST ADDED:

    My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy

    by Nancy Pelosi


  6. You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

    1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

     

    2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

     

    3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

     

    4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

     

    5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

     

    6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.

     

    7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

     

    8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

     

    9. Your junior prom offered day care.

     

    10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.

     

    11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

     

    12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

     

    13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

     

    14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

     

    15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

     

    16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

     

    17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


  7. You gotta give us a little more than that

     

    budget?

    age of intended recipient?

    type of games the intended recipient plays?

    would the intended recipient use it for purposes other than games i.e. portable music & movies?

     

    Both are approx. the same price.

    8 yrs.old.

    all games.

    all uses.


  8. When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

     

    Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

    Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered

    Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

    Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

    The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

    And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

    Not a lot of people know this


  9. For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

     

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/

    gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and

    would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

     

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of

    beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man

    to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and

    together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two

    distinct subgroups:

     

    1. Liberals

    2. Conservatives

     

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of

    agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented

    yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be

    invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were

    formed.

     

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night

    while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as

    the Conservative movement...

     

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live

    off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the

    sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the

    Liberal movement.

     

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became

    known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the

    domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the

    concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer

    that conservatives provided.

     

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

    powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by

    the jackass for obvious reasons.

     

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

    white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their

    beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare..

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have

    higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,

    personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group

    therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule

    because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

     

    Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red

    meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game

    hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,

    medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,

    athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone

    who works productively.

     

    Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work

    for a living.

     

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and

    decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are

    more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals

    remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They

    crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying

    to get more for nothing.

     

    Here ends today's lesson in world history:

     

    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to

    angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

     

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute

    truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true

    believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

     

    And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self... I'm

    going to have a steak and another beer.


  10. I'm upgrading -- finally two years later, thanks verizon wireless for making me wait so long... do I go for that fancy droid x?? The adds have got to me and they say I NEED it? Who has an opinion?

     

     

     

    I use an Eris & my daughter uses an Ally. I don't like sliding keyboards hence the Eris. The Eris is the best cell I've ever had. The Ally is nice if you want the keyboard. I don't text as often as most people.


  11. I'm pretty sure that my CPU has finally kicked it (which is understandable considering how hard I've driven it since birth).

     

    See I was like "I'm bored let, me boot up my machine and play some ME2". Though when I went to start it it just revved up, revved down, revved up, revved down.

     

    I took out the CPU just now and ran it and it doesnt do the boot loops but it doesnt POST either. Does the motherboard have to have something in there to POST video?? (aka can it POST but say, "NO CPU" or something)

     

    I plugged the CPU back in and the boot loops happen again (and yes I've removed the battery and held the CMOS Reset jumpers.

     

    I have a friend with a socket 775 so I think I'll borrow his e6600 to test and make sure my motherboard is ok.

     

    Do you have a PSU tester?


  12. You have far too massive of a TV for being that close. :lol: I'll gladly take it off your hands. :P

     

    Looks very good man, seeing this just makes me want to tear apart my HAF 932 and paint it black. As for the front LEDs, yes they are annoying, but you can always replace them with lower intensity red ones or just grab a piece of black electrical tape if they get in the way of your eyes at night.

     

    http://www.xoxide.com/leds.html#shop-by-misc2

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