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fariss

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Everything posted by fariss

  1. fariss

    Favourite Case?

    Zalman GT1000 in black. http://www.zalman.co.kr/ENG/product/Product_Read.asp?Idx=188
  2. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral) 'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!
  4. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.'
  5. fariss

    The Yankees are the best again!

    That was true under the old system. Not so anymore. Accountability has been improved and enforced.
  6. fariss

    The Yankees are the best again!

    Teams are now mandated to spend the revenue sharing "on the field."
  7. fariss

    The Yankees are the best again!

    http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/teams/salaries?team=nyy
  8. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
  9. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.' 'Where are you going, honey bunch?' Asked the wife. 'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.' The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan, India ,etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think Of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...' He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by Saying, 'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting Chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are Really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?' You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: Chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. 'But my sweet honey... At the bar..... You know...there's swearing, dirty Words and all that...' 'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your freaking beer in your damn frozen mug and eat your damn snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't freaking going anywhere! Got it, A**hole?' So he stayed home............ .........and, they lived happily ever after.
  10. fariss

    I think ive got a virus

    This removed the WinVirus Pro malware from my machine. Nothing else touched it, including Malware Bytes. You have nothing to lose.
  11. fariss

    I think ive got a virus

    Try this: http://www.combofix.org/
  12. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a . shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk: 'Dddoo youu hhhave ddiilldos?' The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: 'Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.' The old woman then asks: 'Dddddoo yyyouu ccaarry a pppinkk onne, tttenn inchessss llong aand aabbou t twoo inchess ththiick... aaand rruns by bbaatteries? The clerk responds, 'Yes we do' She asks: ' Dddoo yyoooouu kknnoooww hhhow ttoo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offffff??
  13. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A prison inmate was assigned to learn carpentry. He soon became the best carpenter in the prison. The warden heard about the inmate's work. So, when it was time to remodel his kitchen, he approached the inmate. But the inmate refused to fit a countertop for the warden's kitchen. The inmate said, "I'd love to help, but it was counterfeiting that got me into prison."
  14. fariss

    antivirus which one to install

    Large footprint & resource hog. I use Kaspersky & am very happy w/ it.
  15. fariss

    The World Ends In 2048?

    From wikipedia itself: "the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit."
  16. fariss

    Registry Cleaner

    http://www.iobit.com/advancedwindowscareper.html
  17. fariss

    The World Ends In 2048?

    http://www.13moon.com/prophecy%20page.htm wikipedia is hardly a reference.
  18. fariss

    The World Ends In 2048?

    The Mayans & Nostradamus said so.
  19. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, 'Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!' Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, 'Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.' The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere' The clerk is astonished. 'Your wife's name is Crisco?' The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public.' 'I see,' said the clerk. 'What do you call her at home?' 'Lard butt.'
  20. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling butt-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."
  21. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    FW: THE NEW HEALTH COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL: Date: Monday, August 31, 2009, 10:30 AM The phone rings and the lady of the house answers. "Hello?" "Mrs. Sanders, please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asked nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV," the doctor said. "We can't tell which is which." "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" Mrs. Sanders asked. "Normally we can," the doctor said, "but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time." ''Well, what am I supposed to do now?" she asked. The doctor said, "The folks at Obama Health Care recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
  22. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    There's an old sea story in the Navy about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the Chief Boson's Mate that His men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change Underwear occasionally. The Chief responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!" The Chief went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear. "Pittman, you change with Jones; McCarthy, you change with Witkowski; and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!!!" THE MORAL: Someone may be promising "Change" in Washington; but don't count on things smelling any better!
  23. fariss

    Official OCC Joke Thread

    THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS. SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU.' 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'
  24. fariss

    Diablo 3: Monk Class Returns

    More: http://media.pc.ign.com/media/714/714955/vids_1.html
  25. fariss

    Childhood memories - Show's we loved

    I'll show my age: Have Gun, Will Travel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_Gun_%E2%80%93_Will_Travel http://www.hgwt.com/
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